Trusting;
Myself, My brain, My soul, My Readers
P2tog Through the Back Loop/Leg
Further Clarification
But ultimately I have to trust my readers to trust themselves. That's a lot of trust for someone who has been known to be the teeniest bit controlling.
Boy, if this year didn't knock the insane idea that I can control life out of my head ...
Trusting means giving your mind a chance to work through concepts - to let them simmer. NOT to insist that your brain has to come across with total and perfect understanding THIS MINUTE. Trust is hard, but it's vital to reach that point where you can just let the knowledge flow (from your hands? from your soul? from your past? from your future?) into your brain.
Enlightenment seems to hate being forced. Don't we all?
Trusty Lungs
I've been trusting my lungs to tell me when they're worried, and the more I listen the better they get at talking. Talking lungs - great.
This weekend we went to the Science Center, not intentionally, and had a wonderful time. We were ACTUALLY going to the School Choice Fair in downtown St. Paul (we saw some GOOD schools!), but the entrance ramps for the River Center parking and Science Center parking were right next to each other - and the SC was cheaper. Plus, we'd been debating getting a family membership for a year. Happy Birthday, Gerry!
So, with the membership our parking was free (plus we get free tix to the Omnitheater Movie) and now I have a new place to go knit - or walk with the kids and Gerry - and when the weather gets warmer it will be a nice bike ride away.
As the woman was enumerating all of the benefits I told her, "You had us at Free Parking..." She laughed.
While we were at the Science Center, there was a blackout in St. Paul, and for about 40 minutes the SC was on backup, emergency power. My lungs began complaining that the air felt different - more moldy? - and within about 10 minutes I just felt exhausted. The air circulation system must not have been on the backup power.
It was odd how quickly I sensed the change, odd how tuned in I felt to my body.
So I sat while the kids ran from exhibit to exhibit, trying to find the ones that didn't require electricity, and Gerry tootled around. The power came back on, the air seemed to magically clean itself (I wonder if anyone else was so sensitized to the phenomenon?) and the day went on.
It was striking, though. As silly as this sounds, I feel such guilt to be 'the sick one' - Gerry is the one who needs, deserves and requires more attention now. But guilt is no good unless you put it to work, so I came home and did some breathing exercises and had a nebulizer treatment and felt like a better person.
Taking Stock of the Waiting
My thoughts are very unclear these days.
When G first became ill, we were overwhelmed with how little we knew. As we learned more, we grew more fearful - working hard to overcome the fear and finding ways to navigate this surprise (!) life change. All of the work and education gave us a direction.
After the transplant in September, we were focused on the 100 day appointment (oh, and earning a living, etc.) Dealing with the meds, finding joy in small things, and measuring how much Gerry's beard had grown back - all were compass points.
Then the holidays, then the birthdays (Gerry's is tomorrow, Max's was last week) and now we're looking at our 1 year anniversary as Minnesotans. Gerry's back on Zometa for his bones, and his Physical Therapist has been a great boon to his body AND his mind. We're finding a rhythm to our lives as they stand.
And I'm feeling oddly direction-less.
We're deeply, firmly entrenched in the wait-and-see portion of our adventure. Waiting for a wind, praying it won't be a nor'easter.
Offhand comments by the kids clue us in that they know and understand more of this situation than we've overtly explained. Perhaps they're absorbing the unwelcome knowledge in the same way that knitting enlightenment seems to come to my students? Without really trying, just by letting it sink in?
I want them to know they can ask anything, and I want to be strong enough to answer everything. That takes a lot of trust on both sides.
The knowledge that we're in a golden time for our family - a time which will inevitably have an end - seeps in to my subconscious. Little waves of grief and fear wash over me in that pre-waking, early morning time (right before the radio goes off , while the cat is nibbling on my toe.)
How lucky that we have an inkling of how lucky we are.
GO GIANTS!
We were pretty danged psyched here last night - I only wish Gerry had some buds to watch the game with. Max and I tried to fill the void...
I hope it helps!
Letting Go
There are SO many ways to understand a concept. Our minds all work differently, and it's quite possible - as I explain something to one person - to confuse the issue for someone else. I'm constantly striving to find illustrative stories and images to help explain my points. I hope the above images help some of the synapses connect!
There are SO many ways to understand a concept. Our minds all work differently, and it's quite possible - as I explain something to one person - to confuse the issue for someone else. I'm constantly striving to find illustrative stories and images to help explain my points. I hope the above images help some of the synapses connect!
But ultimately I have to trust my readers to trust themselves. That's a lot of trust for someone who has been known to be the teeniest bit controlling.
Boy, if this year didn't knock the insane idea that I can control life out of my head ...
Trusting means giving your mind a chance to work through concepts - to let them simmer. NOT to insist that your brain has to come across with total and perfect understanding THIS MINUTE. Trust is hard, but it's vital to reach that point where you can just let the knowledge flow (from your hands? from your soul? from your past? from your future?) into your brain.
Trust = Time
Enlightenment seems to hate being forced. Don't we all?
Trusty Lungs
I've been trusting my lungs to tell me when they're worried, and the more I listen the better they get at talking. Talking lungs - great.
This weekend we went to the Science Center, not intentionally, and had a wonderful time. We were ACTUALLY going to the School Choice Fair in downtown St. Paul (we saw some GOOD schools!), but the entrance ramps for the River Center parking and Science Center parking were right next to each other - and the SC was cheaper. Plus, we'd been debating getting a family membership for a year. Happy Birthday, Gerry!
So, with the membership our parking was free (plus we get free tix to the Omnitheater Movie) and now I have a new place to go knit - or walk with the kids and Gerry - and when the weather gets warmer it will be a nice bike ride away.
As the woman was enumerating all of the benefits I told her, "You had us at Free Parking..." She laughed.
While we were at the Science Center, there was a blackout in St. Paul, and for about 40 minutes the SC was on backup, emergency power. My lungs began complaining that the air felt different - more moldy? - and within about 10 minutes I just felt exhausted. The air circulation system must not have been on the backup power.
It was odd how quickly I sensed the change, odd how tuned in I felt to my body.
So I sat while the kids ran from exhibit to exhibit, trying to find the ones that didn't require electricity, and Gerry tootled around. The power came back on, the air seemed to magically clean itself (I wonder if anyone else was so sensitized to the phenomenon?) and the day went on.
It was striking, though. As silly as this sounds, I feel such guilt to be 'the sick one' - Gerry is the one who needs, deserves and requires more attention now. But guilt is no good unless you put it to work, so I came home and did some breathing exercises and had a nebulizer treatment and felt like a better person.
Taking Stock of the Waiting
My thoughts are very unclear these days.
When G first became ill, we were overwhelmed with how little we knew. As we learned more, we grew more fearful - working hard to overcome the fear and finding ways to navigate this surprise (!) life change. All of the work and education gave us a direction.
After the transplant in September, we were focused on the 100 day appointment (oh, and earning a living, etc.) Dealing with the meds, finding joy in small things, and measuring how much Gerry's beard had grown back - all were compass points.
Then the holidays, then the birthdays (Gerry's is tomorrow, Max's was last week) and now we're looking at our 1 year anniversary as Minnesotans. Gerry's back on Zometa for his bones, and his Physical Therapist has been a great boon to his body AND his mind. We're finding a rhythm to our lives as they stand.And I'm feeling oddly direction-less.
We're deeply, firmly entrenched in the wait-and-see portion of our adventure. Waiting for a wind, praying it won't be a nor'easter.
Who knew waiting would be such a hard part? (Just about everyone who's gone through it, that's who...) It's almost as hard as Minihaha Falls on Jan 31st - Max's Bday. I know the "How" is totally un-PC, but dang it was funny!
Offhand comments by the kids clue us in that they know and understand more of this situation than we've overtly explained. Perhaps they're absorbing the unwelcome knowledge in the same way that knitting enlightenment seems to come to my students? Without really trying, just by letting it sink in?
I want them to know they can ask anything, and I want to be strong enough to answer everything. That takes a lot of trust on both sides.
Trust = Truth
The knowledge that we're in a golden time for our family - a time which will inevitably have an end - seeps in to my subconscious. Little waves of grief and fear wash over me in that pre-waking, early morning time (right before the radio goes off , while the cat is nibbling on my toe.)
How lucky that we have an inkling of how lucky we are.
GO GIANTS!
We were pretty danged psyched here last night - I only wish Gerry had some buds to watch the game with. Max and I tried to fill the void...
Maria - you have a brain! Don't make me get all mom on you!
kmkat & Lisa - I can't figure how to do it in the round - still contemplating!
Everyone - Max is thrilled with the good wishes, thanks!!
AdvantageI've been beta testing a few of my patterns, as most of you know, and I'm thinking of doing again with a new pattern. I think it's been a good experience for the beta groups - they seem to be enjoying it. But a comment by another designer made me wonder if folks might feel that I'm taking advantage of them. This is not the only pattern testing / sample knitting I do, but it's a good way for me to get feedback from 'real' knitters. Que pense?
And how's THIS for a frightening test pattern, eh? Who knew Jason knitted?
More later...
posted by Annie at
Monday, February 04, 2008
15 Comments:
I'm commenting two posts in a row!!! How could you be taking advantage of people with pattern testing if they're volunteering? Nobody is making them. You aren't reaching out of the computer and grabbing them by the throat! I thought about testing for you, but if you've read my blog you know that I'm the queen of WIP's and I'm NOT starting another project until I get some of this stuff done.
And you don't have to go mom on me. I just like to make fun of myself. I'm a great target!!!
Thanks for the additional explanation on the P2tog through the back loop. When I saw that last photo it all clicked. Funny how that works.
Annie, how did you know I was wishing I could remember this? I took your lace class in Edmonton, a class I knew would be just a wee bit (miles really) beyond my knitting skills.
Just before you got to this part, I got lost, and never quite made it back to this. I knew that the pace was a little fast for me (I expected it), so I didn't worry about getting it all in class. My class goal was to try to remember what you said to do, and then to sort it out later with practise. In the vast space that is my brain, the part about doing it on the purl side row (thinking of the class sample)is the part that did not make it through my short term memory.
A very timely knitting tip. My next project is some Drops Alpaca lace weight my boys got me for Christmas. It's a pleasure to know I will be able to do 'happy' left slanting decreases.
Annie, you are not taking advantage of people who test your patterns. I am in one of your groups, and I've done this for more than one designer. For the tester/proofer, you get to be in the space of the designer - talk with her directly, learn from her, even ask stupid questions you always wanted to ask about patterns written like the one she wrote. You get to knit a fun project, something you like (don't volunteer for it if you don't think it meets that criteria). And after all that, you even get a free copy of the final pattern (at least in my experience). Not everyone wants to do that, but for those who do, it can be extremely rewarding.
Obviously, not all designers want to do what it takes to interact with a group of knitters. You love to teach and work with knitters, so I imagine you find it rewarding, even energizing. You could always pay a tech knitter, which might be a more "expert" opinion and take less time on your part. But you would have to pay money (rather than time) to ensure your pattern is in publishable form.
Each designer has to choose what is best for them. Don't let some other designer who has different preferences (or prejudices) rain on your parade!
Tana
www.life.tanapageler.com
I think that to do it in the round, you would set up the Left Leaning sts by wrapping them in the opposite direction and then simply K2tog on the following round. (As you've noted, with the reverse wrapping, they seem to want to be worked like that and it looks the same as the P2togtbl that you did.) I tested it quickly and it looks right, FWIW.
I'm thrilled to be counted as a "beta" tester. You are certainly not taking advantage of us. If anything, we are mooching off of you, learning by leaps and bounds and getting supper patterns in the process. My own hubris has caused me to ask silly questions and probably rub you the wrong way, but you've exhibited infinite patience. It's hard to imagine how you do it, knowing what other things are going on your life. Thanks for the opportunity!
Whoo Boy! Do I know what you're talking about when you describe the transition during a major illness when you find you've gone from fiercely savoring life's tiny pleasures to feeling a little ruddlerless.
I don't have any words of wisdom for you, but I can grin and say, "Hell Yeah! I've been there, girl!" Been there? I was there at about 2pm this afternoon.
In our little corner of the recovery universe, we're trying to savor what we can do, instead of fretting over what we can't.
Bummer about that, since I'm an Olympic Medalist in Fretting.
take advantage of? no way. they volunteer. i think many people feel honored to be a part of your process, and to get the sneak peek! thanks for the tutorial.
Re: Beta Testing
"Paying" test knitters with a free pattern? How does that fit in with your fair compensation campaign? Or do only needy designers deserve fair compensation?
I agree with Anne -- I sometimes feel like I am taking advantage of you in this test group. I get to interact with a designer and teacher I admire. I get to learn some cool new stuff (like working directly from a chart, and the happy left leaning decrease). I get to find the PERFECT pattern for some stash yarn that I love but didn't quite have the right pattern for. And finally, I get a gorgeous new sweater long before anyone else has that pattern, I actually knit something for ME instead of pushing me to the bottom of the pile. Hm, thinking about it, I'm definitely taking advantage of YOU!
The ski mask pattern would work if you could design a pocket for heatable/freezable inserts. I personally wish my eye pillow hit more of my face. Or perhaps in suede yarn for a fetishist? This could open up a whole new market for you!
Wow... cool decrease!! My head exploded just a little but I'll be trying it out when I get there on a flat knit hat I'm working on. I just have to think ahead to do it "right!"
Getting test knitters isn't taking advantage of anyone! My gosh... it's a fabulous opportunity for both parties! Plus...getting to try out a pattern written by a fellow combination knitter would be completely wonderful in my book.
Josee from ice-cold Winnipeg (MB Canada) here...
I'm so glad my kids weren't around to see that ski mask - my son would be begging me for one just like it, but in black! :)
I don't see anything wrong with designers asking for volunteers to test-knit a pattern - too many pros in my point of view.
I mean, yeah, a free pattern is always nice, but to be able to dialogue with the designer directly,to be able to 'see' what they had in mind through trials and dialogue... it's like getting a free class!
So don't you worry none about any naysayers. That's my two cents worth.
"Needy" being the operative word here.
Hi Annie have not had time to look at your pages for awhile now so glad to hear you are all doing ok .we both brought out a wire jewelry book at the same time so i often think of you.would love to knit the ski mask --call it privacy time looks great to me .oh yes my new crochet book is out Quick Crochet by Chrissie Day .you can get hold of me at
chrissieday@gmail.com
http://chrissieday.wordpress.com
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