Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Waiting at MSP

I'm feeling as if I should get an apartment here at Minneapolis/St. Paul airport. I love it here - I can get a haircut, dinner, buy a computer or an i-pod, clothe myself and my family and I think I can get glasses. I could be wrong about that last one.

But I'm habitually early for flights because - well, because that's how I am. I had a nail file taken away from me today, which was exciting. Because the terrorists hate our well manicured hands.

Now I'm settling in for my pre-flight salad, a little reorganizing of the carry on bag, and some calming breathing before I board for my flight to JFK.

Gerry had a hard time getting out of bed today - he has great pain in his hips and lower back - and I could tell he was sad that I'd be gone. Guilt-wise, this is the hardest part of the trip - while I'm still in town, but "gone," and I think I miss everyone the most right at this point.

Gerry's written for more info on a few drug and treatment trials he found at the Multiple Myeloma Research Fund website. I can tell he's feeling antsy - on edge - and doesn't like feeling that adopting a 'wait and see' attitude is the best we can do.

Basically we've been told to go home, have a good life and wait for the cancer to come back. At first we were both just so happy that he's still here (when, a year ago, we quite frankly didn't know if he'd still be around...) that it sounded like a good plan. But now Gerry seems to want to move toward a more pro-active place, and that's fine with me!

I'd rather go down fighting than give in easy! But that's often been a problem for me, too...

So we're interested to hear back from these trials - to hear if Gerry's good for any of them, and what sort of new protocol it might involve. We try to be as open, honest, and at the same time retain a sense of humor about this whole nutty situation. I say nutty because I don't want to use another word that starts with an s.

We were having lunch yesterday at the Louisiana Cafe, reading our respective newspapers, and I noticed a LOT of stuff going on in the next few weeks. Without looking up I said, "You know, Gerry - there's SO much to DO around here!"

He replied dryly, "Funny, I'm not seeing that..." I looked up - he was reading the obit page. We both read that more than we ever have before.

It was funny, and bitter - and then we went to the YWCA and got a family membership so that he can swim and get into the whirlpool (and have a place to take the kids on the long weekend days) and we all felt better. Yay, pools!

Folks are getting ready to board, and I purchased an extra-special EXIT ROW seat (I'm happy to pay the extra $20 if I don't have to "kneel" against the seat in front of me for the whole trip!) so I'm in the first group to board. I think they want to make sure we in the Exit row can all walk.

Tonight I see friends I've not seen in a year, and I will cry like a baby.
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posted by Annie at


Blogger PJ said...

Oh Annie, enjoy seeing your friends - it will be great therapy for you!

February 27, 2008 2:37 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


Life can be funny,(peculiar and ha-ha), odd, cruel and kind. It can be fantastic or harsh. It is frequently all of these things simultaneously.

Hugs and true friends however, are always good.


February 27, 2008 3:43 PM  
Anonymous Jill said...

You are such a strong person. Peace be with you and Gerry and the children.

February 27, 2008 6:25 PM  
Anonymous Roz said...

Now I'm crying like a baby. Safe travels -- you deserve it!

February 27, 2008 9:56 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

See you on Long Island

Safe trip


February 28, 2008 8:22 AM  
Blogger Laura said...

Dealing with chronic and life threatening illness myself, I can only counsel you to keep your engagements to the best you can. Despite the ongoing struggles that Gerry - and you - are having, some sense of keeping with a normal schedule and therefore control over your lives will help you deal with the emergencies. And help stem the resentment that might come up if you were both forced to sit and contemplate the changes in your lives to the exclusion of living.

You have a right to your feelings - worry, anxiety, even at times despair, but there's a difference between acknowledging and feeling them and stopping your life prematurely.

I love that Gerry is looking for alternative treatments. I've been enrolled in experimental medicine for years and although not all of the experiences have been terrific, overall I'm still here to tell the tale. Not a bad outcome. I wish the same for you.

February 28, 2008 12:39 PM  

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