Shoveling
It's been a few days since I've posted - I've just been laying low as far as the blogging goes, taking some time.
I miss Jan. She was a lovely person - so kind - and, as I said at her service yesterday, one of the least judgemental people I'd ever met.
Yesterday Jan was buried, we had a service at the cemetery which was lovely, then a few of us went out to lunch. I have a few second and third cousins rattling around on my family tree, and it was very good to see them again.
When my parents lost their house my Aunt Wanda stored a few of my mom's things for her, her dishes, some furniture, and smaller things. I found the dishes, which was a beautiful thing to see, and packed them up snugly in two bins.
I also have acquired Jan's rings - she loved jewelry - to pass on to Hannah. In the box was my grandmother's wedding ring, which I had never seen. It fits me perfectly, and I've been wearing it since yesterday. It's lovely, I never new it existed.
I have so few things - nothing really - from my family due to our constant moving and clearing off, passing along, storing things in other homes, etc. I don't mind - I'm not a collector - but it feels very good to have this ring on my hand.
After the funeral and lunch and some time working in the house yesterday, I went for a bike ride along some backroads and felt much more at peace. I needed the release, and I was able to rest and relax much easier last evening.
One of the things I did at the house yesterday was to pry another few storm windows off and get some more fresh air in the house, we're pretty certain these windows haven't been opened in 12 years, and with 8 dogs in the house (left alone for long hours) the air is bad.
I know the open windows mean the house may be host to a few flying pests, but there's no help for it, the air in the house is unbreathable. Toxic, even, and none of the windows have screens (they were never open!)
Jan had dogs (!), and she was a Collector. Put those things together, multiply it times 50, and you have a recipe for an incredibly cluttered house that may be unsalvegable.
We think there's black mold in the basement (we're wearing masks when we're in the house) and I can't help but feel the poisons in the house didn't do Jan's cancer any good. Or maybe it did the cancer too much good, and no good for Jan.
No one in the family was able to cajole, wheedle, strong arm, argue Jan into taking care of the house that Aunt Wanda left her (the last rebellion of a child against a strong mother?) and now there's precious little of the beautiful house left. So we sort through the stuff, trying to put together the piles of things that were 'left' to various friends, and it's a hard, smelly, evil job.
The dogs all found homes, thank heaven. Unfortunately, two of them were in such bad shape after being virtually neglected in the house for weeks that they had to be put down (they were older dogs and the separation from Jan was very traumatic)
I feel shame that I wasn't able to intervene with Jan in some way. I was her younger cousin, 8 years separated us, and I just didn't have the authority to make her listen to me. My mom might have had some sway, but she loved Jan so much that it was hard to be firm with her. It's a cautionary tale - how much toughness and how much love is enough?
It's finished now, and all that's left is the very large mess to clean up. I'm afraid to go down into the basement - the basement that used to be my "room" on my frequent visits to Aunt Wanda's. There are mice, and worse, and I'm not ashamed to say that I'm scared to run into them.
One of the things that I've been left is Jan's entire Coca Cola Collectibles jumble. Many of them are still in the boxes, but there are a god-awful lot of tchakes with "Coke!" blazoned over them, all dusty and filthy. I just don't know if I have the patience - or energy - to pack them up, clean them, and try to sell them on ebay or some place.
Whatever I do, I'm only allowing myself to be in the house for 15 minutes at a stretch, then with a 15-20 minute break outside. Maybe I'll move all of the coke stuff out onto the carport and clean it there.
Folks, when it's your time to go, make sure your stash is clean and clearly labeled as to who gets what - this sorting out is one of the hardest things (emotionally and physically) that I've done in years.
I miss Jan. She was a lovely person - so kind - and, as I said at her service yesterday, one of the least judgemental people I'd ever met.
Yesterday Jan was buried, we had a service at the cemetery which was lovely, then a few of us went out to lunch. I have a few second and third cousins rattling around on my family tree, and it was very good to see them again.
When my parents lost their house my Aunt Wanda stored a few of my mom's things for her, her dishes, some furniture, and smaller things. I found the dishes, which was a beautiful thing to see, and packed them up snugly in two bins.I also have acquired Jan's rings - she loved jewelry - to pass on to Hannah. In the box was my grandmother's wedding ring, which I had never seen. It fits me perfectly, and I've been wearing it since yesterday. It's lovely, I never new it existed.
I have so few things - nothing really - from my family due to our constant moving and clearing off, passing along, storing things in other homes, etc. I don't mind - I'm not a collector - but it feels very good to have this ring on my hand.
After the funeral and lunch and some time working in the house yesterday, I went for a bike ride along some backroads and felt much more at peace. I needed the release, and I was able to rest and relax much easier last evening.One of the things I did at the house yesterday was to pry another few storm windows off and get some more fresh air in the house, we're pretty certain these windows haven't been opened in 12 years, and with 8 dogs in the house (left alone for long hours) the air is bad.
I know the open windows mean the house may be host to a few flying pests, but there's no help for it, the air in the house is unbreathable. Toxic, even, and none of the windows have screens (they were never open!)
Jan had dogs (!), and she was a Collector. Put those things together, multiply it times 50, and you have a recipe for an incredibly cluttered house that may be unsalvegable.
We think there's black mold in the basement (we're wearing masks when we're in the house) and I can't help but feel the poisons in the house didn't do Jan's cancer any good. Or maybe it did the cancer too much good, and no good for Jan.
No one in the family was able to cajole, wheedle, strong arm, argue Jan into taking care of the house that Aunt Wanda left her (the last rebellion of a child against a strong mother?) and now there's precious little of the beautiful house left. So we sort through the stuff, trying to put together the piles of things that were 'left' to various friends, and it's a hard, smelly, evil job.
The dogs all found homes, thank heaven. Unfortunately, two of them were in such bad shape after being virtually neglected in the house for weeks that they had to be put down (they were older dogs and the separation from Jan was very traumatic)
I feel shame that I wasn't able to intervene with Jan in some way. I was her younger cousin, 8 years separated us, and I just didn't have the authority to make her listen to me. My mom might have had some sway, but she loved Jan so much that it was hard to be firm with her. It's a cautionary tale - how much toughness and how much love is enough?
It's finished now, and all that's left is the very large mess to clean up. I'm afraid to go down into the basement - the basement that used to be my "room" on my frequent visits to Aunt Wanda's. There are mice, and worse, and I'm not ashamed to say that I'm scared to run into them.
One of the things that I've been left is Jan's entire Coca Cola Collectibles jumble. Many of them are still in the boxes, but there are a god-awful lot of tchakes with "Coke!" blazoned over them, all dusty and filthy. I just don't know if I have the patience - or energy - to pack them up, clean them, and try to sell them on ebay or some place.
Whatever I do, I'm only allowing myself to be in the house for 15 minutes at a stretch, then with a 15-20 minute break outside. Maybe I'll move all of the coke stuff out onto the carport and clean it there.
Folks, when it's your time to go, make sure your stash is clean and clearly labeled as to who gets what - this sorting out is one of the hardest things (emotionally and physically) that I've done in years.
Feed me, baby!
15 Comments:
There are services that clean out hoarder's houses; you might want to contact one. Better to be left with good memories and a little less cash than to have to wade through every inch of mess.
I do feel for you. I cleaned out my Mom's house a few years ago, she had been giving us stuff for years but accelerated the process in her last illness; it used to sort of embarass me [I didn't need or even want some of the stuff,yet I wanted her to feel that I appreciated it.] But when it was time to empty the house, all was in order and there was not too much left, and then I was grateful for her forethought. Now I realize what a gift she gave us!
I'm glad you were able to preserve some memories in the dishes and the jewelry.
Thank you for the wise words - to Clean Now so someone else doesn't have to do it for you. We ended up doing that twice in our family for the same person! My aunt is 99 now and she moved out of the family home (went to ruins around her) and then later an apartment. Family members had to clean out piles of "stuff" both times.
Oh, I'm so sorry. It's one thing to lose your family member and friend, and then, on top of it, have to sort through years of accumulated stuff. My dad went through the same thing when my grandmother died, and it took them months to get through everything and get the house somewhat presentable for sale. It's a terribly tough, dirty, sad job. I'll be keeping you in my thoughts.
Oh Annie
Been there - done that - cleaning up the residue of a "collectors" life. It is, at its core, a disease ... and it is not helped by even the most loving of suggestions from beloved people. Grieve your lovely cousin and once you have determined no treasures remain let the professionals do the cleaning !
Oms and hugs
My kids are just completing the Augean-stables thing with their dad's apartment. He has had a series of strokes and is now in a nursing home and will not be coming out.
They had to wear long sleeved shirts, with rubber bands at the cuffs, and long pants, with rubber bands at the ankles, and respirators. The daughter-and-fiance who lived with him but were unable to keep up with his *stuff*, have moved into a place of their own.
I visited them yesterday at their new apartment; that odor has been deposited on the outside of all their storage buckets, and it will be awhile before they can scrub the stench out.
I truly, truly feel your pain. Do not beat yourself up that you couldn't save your beloved cousin from some of her choices. [And a rousing "amen" to your plea for us not to leave similar messes behind for our own loved ones to deal with.]
I second the comment that we should have our "house" in order when we leave this life. I Implore all who read this that it's not just the bric-a-brac that needs to be addressed. Those left behind need direction and the more detailed the better and less painful.
a warm embrace to you Annie!
there are services that will take the collections, clean them for you and sell them on ebay as well. yes, there's a percentage taken but the not having to deal with the emotional pain and the physical effects make that worth it
when my Mom died and Dad sold the house, my sister cleaned. and cleaned. and we sorted -- 30 (THIRTY!) pairs of shorts, labels still on. I had never SEEN my mom wear shorts.
There are also, as mentioned in an earlier comment, clean-out services that will just come in and remove everything you do not want and take it to the dump.
My experience is that before you need an organized house, you need a very thorough and organized will. Be overly detailed down to have back-up guardians for you kids, because my experience with that was tragic and I wouldn't want anyone else have their kids go through what I did.
Jan was lonely. As Elizabeth Bowen said something like this: "Only in a house where one has learned to be lonely, does one have this solicitude for things." Her dogs and her coke paraphanelia kept her company. I noticed that paragraph in her book, Death of the Heart, when my brother died when I was 16. You have your family and hopefully will never be that lonely...But spare your lungs and your back and your heart and have someone else do it....It's hard having lost everyone who knew you when you were little. Courage. Anna McCarthy
About 5 years ago I had the same experience with my sister in-laws house. It is incredible that I can still see 800 pair of shoes in all different sizes. It took us about 6 weeks just to clean out the bedroom and attic. The first thing I did when I got home was to put my own house in order. There is nothing in my attic except Christmas decorations. She had every piece of clothing from the last 30 years. Many with tags still on. Very sad and a miserable job for those who have to handle it.
I'm so sorry that you have to face continuing pain. Life is just not fair sometimes, is it?
Thank you for the update on the dogs. As a chronically ill person myself who has stared down death on a number of occasions, my biggest fear is that my boys will not find homes if I should suddenly depart.
Jan was certainly lucky to have you as a cousin.
I think it is the experience of cleaning out someone else's place that makes you put your own in order. It's a lot of work. Gillian
Wise words above. I wonder if you couldn't include the Coke stuff in an estate sale and have the proceeds from those items designated to you.
"Folks, when it's your time to go, make sure your stash is clean and clearly labeled as to who gets what - this sorting out is one of the hardest things (emotionally and physically) that I've done in years."
Never truer words spoken. My mom made sure we knew who would inherit what -- and the fact that she told all six of us made it a helluva lot easier to beat off the vultures -- oops -- cousins -- who wanted to swoop in and make off with those things.
Hugs!!!!! You need them right now, and you'll need them for months to come.
Annie,
So sorry to hear about your loss.
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