Swine Bronchitis
It's a rainy, overcast, thundering Sunday morning here in St. Paul, and the weather matches my mood.
I'm sick of feeling sick. I've been nursing this darned long-lasting crud since mid-cruise, and at this point my breathing is about as bad as it was way back in Winter 2005 when I was diagnosed (correctly? incorrectly?) with COPD. I certainly had all of the symptoms, and it seems the thing that pulled me out of it wasn't the meds my doc prescribed, but some chinese herbs that I ordered from the UK and took religiously for 2 months.
This is the first time in 4 years I've felt this low with my breathing. Yesterday I went for a bike ride with a friend (no matter how bad I feel, I try to get out and at least go down the alley and back - I feel my lungs need the excercise) and spent an hour recovering.
Hannah's sniffling now, so I fear that I've spread this to my darling, beautiful daughter. Bad mommy. It's raining cats and dogs, thundering, and I'm enjoying the lively weather. I don't have to be out in it. I'm the only one up, I have my cup of tea and my banana, and life is very, very good... (breathing notwithstanding...)
I've been missing my mother, my brother and my cousin so much these past 2 months that it feels like a sharp, continuous pain. I awoke this morning to an essay by Amy Tan on NPR about the ghosts of her mother and grandmother, and I understood.
I'm not sure how I feel about ghosts - the whole ghost-powered economy of so many cable TV shows and books - but I do firmly believe that those who have passed into a different life? realm? do try to lead us sometimes with varying degrees of success.
I do believe that our move to MN was generated by prompts by my mom and brother. If that makes me ooky-spooky, then so be it, one doesn't choose what one believes, belief reveals itself.
So here I sit on a rainy Sunday morning thinking about ghosts and lungs and feeling that it's time to get knitting.
I'm sick of feeling sick. I've been nursing this darned long-lasting crud since mid-cruise, and at this point my breathing is about as bad as it was way back in Winter 2005 when I was diagnosed (correctly? incorrectly?) with COPD. I certainly had all of the symptoms, and it seems the thing that pulled me out of it wasn't the meds my doc prescribed, but some chinese herbs that I ordered from the UK and took religiously for 2 months.
This is the first time in 4 years I've felt this low with my breathing. Yesterday I went for a bike ride with a friend (no matter how bad I feel, I try to get out and at least go down the alley and back - I feel my lungs need the excercise) and spent an hour recovering.
Hannah's sniffling now, so I fear that I've spread this to my darling, beautiful daughter. Bad mommy. It's raining cats and dogs, thundering, and I'm enjoying the lively weather. I don't have to be out in it. I'm the only one up, I have my cup of tea and my banana, and life is very, very good... (breathing notwithstanding...)
I've been missing my mother, my brother and my cousin so much these past 2 months that it feels like a sharp, continuous pain. I awoke this morning to an essay by Amy Tan on NPR about the ghosts of her mother and grandmother, and I understood.
I'm not sure how I feel about ghosts - the whole ghost-powered economy of so many cable TV shows and books - but I do firmly believe that those who have passed into a different life? realm? do try to lead us sometimes with varying degrees of success.
I do believe that our move to MN was generated by prompts by my mom and brother. If that makes me ooky-spooky, then so be it, one doesn't choose what one believes, belief reveals itself.
So here I sit on a rainy Sunday morning thinking about ghosts and lungs and feeling that it's time to get knitting.
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Feed me, baby!
13 Comments:
I'm sorry you're feeling so low lately. But spring in MN is such a great time! Every day gets brighter and warmer (when it's not raining, of course). Feel better soon!
So sorry you are feeling ill & I can empathize. My entire family (me included) had the cold that would not end this winter - it really lasted from about the beginning of November until mid-February. The symptoms would occasionally wane which was just a cruel trick. Just when you thought ah another day or 2 & I'll be right as rain, the wheezing & hacking would come back with a vengeance. I am very weather sensitive & ache like a very bad flu with every strong approaching front. I do still try to keep to my work out schedule but have learned that, when I feel really, really bad, working makes me feel worse. I woke up quite achy yesterday & was puzzled because the weather wasn't supposed to change for another couple of days. We went to the health club & it was a balmy 74¡. When we came out 2 hours later (we could hear the heavy rain & thunder inside) it was 46¡ & we were wearing short sleeved thin T-shirts - I suspect the temp dropped that much in the first few minutes of the storm. Nothing like Midwest springs! I too have been missing my mother & sister a lot lately. My sister & I became much closer after my Mom died & the other day I woke up with such a profound sense of loss at not being able to talk to my sister. It used to be that, whenever anything good happened in my immediate family, I wanted to call my mom & share my happiness with her - then it became my sister. I miss them so much but I do feel them with me much of the time & "talk" to them in my mind. I suspect that I may be missing them so much because my nephew (my sister's son) started a family tree on geni.com & asked me to fill in as much info as I could.
I just lost my step-father a few weeks ago. You have me in tears. I know EXACTLY what you mean, Annie. I can still hear his voice. And I have a message on my phone from him still that I can't bear to listen to. I covet it though. Some day I'll be so excited that I have it and yet, it'll be like a ghost from the past.
i am so sorry that you have not been feeling well. did you know that in chinese medicine lungs are related to the emotion of grief?
is there a good acupuncturist/chinese herbalist nearby?
speedy and complete healing on all levels for you.
Ah, you jest, but have you considered you may, indeed, have the flu?
I'm with Laura - have you considered calling the doctor and discussing Swine Flu? With Hannah showing symptoms, a call may be in order...
Actually, folks, I'm off to the doc today just to make sure. The pulmonary effects of this flu are troubling - breathing is very hard for me now - so a doctor visit to rule out the current scare-of-the-month is probably in order!
I want to thank you for the statement near the end of your post..."one doesn't choose what one believes, belief reveals itself"...it will be typed on a card and stuck in my wallet along with a quote from Anne LaMott regarding the definition of forgiveness. You've crystallized my thoughts perfectly, LOL. Get better soon, love your blog and your knits.
Ooky-spooky? I'm all in. I'm not sure one can know much until they've been there themselves. I feel my father's presence with me almost more now than when he was alive and lived far away and certainly would not have expected that.
I hope you feel better soon!
And get to knitting? You have TWO great projects in Interweave! Big grin when I recognized the cardigan as yours before I spotted your name - soooo lovely! I may have to make it in just those colors too.
I've been lurking for awhile since I took Confessions of a Knitting Heretic out of the library and realized I wasn't doing it all wrong. I just purchased Sideways Spencer and can't wait to start
Can I second Marian's comment that grief does house itself in the lungs. I used many herbs which were very helpful. Later I found myself in a hot shower sobbing over my loss. It was so restorative to let it all out.
I also heard Amy Tan's essay and loved what she had to say. I consider myself this rational,scientific person, but I still talk to my grandfather, gone since 1980, about any old thing. He gives me comfort.
I wish good health for you!
I hope you feel better soon and get over the crud soon Annie. Hopefully Hannah can fight it off.
I don't think you're spooky ooky at all.
A long time lurker here as well -- hope it ISN'T the Swine Flu and that you feel better soon.
If you're willing to try something totally weird... I've had really good luck knocking out lung things (at least temporarily) by boiling thin slices of a large hand of ginger in full-strength Coke for 10 minutes and drinking it hot, like tea.
I picked this up at the Chinese restaurant my parents used to go to -- I came in with bronchitis and they made it for me so I'd stop scaring the other customers. When I asked my doctor about it, he said there's probably some interesting science there and asked me to compare it to some nastiness with spring onions and ginger and honey in hot water. The coke-and-ginger smells vile, but it tastes okay if you like ginger, and it's always worked fabulously for me.
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