Love, Love, Love
There's been a lot of love in the air recently.
Mostly it's been baby love. Three good friends all had babies in the past few months (two of them first time mommies to Lil' and Eli') and a few adoptions by distant friends have moved into finalized stages. Is there any love like baby love?
Then there's family love. Coming home from a month away makes me realize - as always - how damned lucky I am to have this amazing family (dog and cat included) Most days I think the feeling is mutual...
And there's been good ol' fashioned falling-in-love LOVE, which is always wonderful to see!
When Gerry and I were first married and would stroll down the street hand-in-hand, it dawned on me how lucky we were. Many couples don't have that freedom, or right to have their union sanctioned by their government. It's just wrong.
We had originally scheduled our wedding on Saturday, but we were reminded that Jewish weddings don't happen on that day because there's a proscription against signing a contract on Shabbat in Jewish law.
Until that point I hadn't thought of marriage in those terms - strictly contractural - but this reoriented my thinking.
Marriage is, first and foremost, a contract. Taking the cultural taboos out of it, which some folks find hard to do, marriage is an agreement between two people to treat each other with respect, honor, cherish - and whatever else is tossed in (Love? Mais oui!)
One hint that marriage is a contract: Consider how the dissolution of a marriage is handled. In a church? No. In a court.
My own personal thinking is that all marriages should be simple civil contracts, with the additional religious or spiritual ceremony to be performed at the discretion of the participants.
If you believe that marriage is a sacrament which includes god, fabulous - have at it! Just don't insist that your definition of marriage is the ONLY definition permissible under our law.
There's no reason that one person's impression of what their god desires should keep another person from entering into a civil contract. But that's just my own point of view - held by many, rejected by some...
I also think that marriage shouldn't be terribly expensive. The cost to file the papers and enter into the contract should be minimal, which it is in many states. Our own wedding cost us a mere $1,000 (dress and cake included, because we did it pretty much on our own.)
I have an internet friend, Brooklynn, a knitter who I met on Twitter. Originally from the US, B met the love of her life online in a trans group, and moved halfway around the world, where marriage between two folks of the same sex is A-Ok.
She's getting married in a few weeks, and it's a pretty interesting situation (which will make some folks teary and others tear their hair out. It's just how folks are.)
The interesting twist, though - as if there weren't twists enough - is that Brooklynne is using the $120 filing fee (!) for their marriage as an opportunity to raise awareness of Marriage Equality.
One shouldn't have to move half way across the world to get married.
She's raising funds to cover the filing, with all extra funds above and beyond the $120 fee going as a donation to Marriage Equality USA.
I salute her in this - it's a clever way to cover one of the gazillion costs associated with getting hitched, and a way to put a personal face on the Marriage Equality issue. If you feel so inclined and would like to slip her a $5, think of it as a wedding gift!
Mazel Tov, Brooklynne & Ryan!
Mostly it's been baby love. Three good friends all had babies in the past few months (two of them first time mommies to Lil' and Eli') and a few adoptions by distant friends have moved into finalized stages. Is there any love like baby love?
Then there's family love. Coming home from a month away makes me realize - as always - how damned lucky I am to have this amazing family (dog and cat included) Most days I think the feeling is mutual...
And there's been good ol' fashioned falling-in-love LOVE, which is always wonderful to see!When Gerry and I were first married and would stroll down the street hand-in-hand, it dawned on me how lucky we were. Many couples don't have that freedom, or right to have their union sanctioned by their government. It's just wrong.
We had originally scheduled our wedding on Saturday, but we were reminded that Jewish weddings don't happen on that day because there's a proscription against signing a contract on Shabbat in Jewish law.
Until that point I hadn't thought of marriage in those terms - strictly contractural - but this reoriented my thinking.Marriage is, first and foremost, a contract. Taking the cultural taboos out of it, which some folks find hard to do, marriage is an agreement between two people to treat each other with respect, honor, cherish - and whatever else is tossed in (Love? Mais oui!)
One hint that marriage is a contract: Consider how the dissolution of a marriage is handled. In a church? No. In a court.
My own personal thinking is that all marriages should be simple civil contracts, with the additional religious or spiritual ceremony to be performed at the discretion of the participants.
If you believe that marriage is a sacrament which includes god, fabulous - have at it! Just don't insist that your definition of marriage is the ONLY definition permissible under our law.
There's no reason that one person's impression of what their god desires should keep another person from entering into a civil contract. But that's just my own point of view - held by many, rejected by some...
I also think that marriage shouldn't be terribly expensive. The cost to file the papers and enter into the contract should be minimal, which it is in many states. Our own wedding cost us a mere $1,000 (dress and cake included, because we did it pretty much on our own.)
The cost to file the paperwork was around $50, and that was very kindly handled as a gift by Gerry's family.
I have an internet friend, Brooklynn, a knitter who I met on Twitter. Originally from the US, B met the love of her life online in a trans group, and moved halfway around the world, where marriage between two folks of the same sex is A-Ok.She's getting married in a few weeks, and it's a pretty interesting situation (which will make some folks teary and others tear their hair out. It's just how folks are.)
The interesting twist, though - as if there weren't twists enough - is that Brooklynne is using the $120 filing fee (!) for their marriage as an opportunity to raise awareness of Marriage Equality.
One shouldn't have to move half way across the world to get married.
She's raising funds to cover the filing, with all extra funds above and beyond the $120 fee going as a donation to Marriage Equality USA.
I salute her in this - it's a clever way to cover one of the gazillion costs associated with getting hitched, and a way to put a personal face on the Marriage Equality issue. If you feel so inclined and would like to slip her a $5, think of it as a wedding gift!
Mazel Tov, Brooklynne & Ryan!
Feed me, baby!
14 Comments:
Annie, once again you've proven that your wisdom is not solely confined to the realm of knitting.
As someone with a teenage trans sibling, I can't tell you how reassuring it is to hear such a reasoned opinion on this tired debate. Thank you for putting this out there.
Hi Annie,
Sorry this comment is off-topic, but have you seen the latest discovery of Anglo-Saxon treasure in the UK?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Staffordshire_Hoard
Wouldn't that sword-hilt design look stunning knitted into a wristwarmer?
:)
*hugs* Thank you for sharing Brooklynne's story. I had already sent some funds her way and I'm crossing my fingers that she blasts past that goal!
Not sure if you saw my tweet, but I won a copy of your Romantic Hand Knits book this weekend! And its Autographed!
I know you will delete my comment. Can you please focus on your knitting and your family? Your soapbox stuff is really getting old. You're an amazing designer. That is why I come to your blog everyday.
Hi, Annie. Can you please focus on whatever the heck YOU want because it's your blog and you pay the freight? And no I don't always agree but I do this time.
I think that a lot of the "confusion" over marriage as a legal contract is that there are far too many people who are unwilling to recognize the separation between church & state. I have had this argument with anti-equality people so many times I can't even count. And they always insist that God does not want anyone other than one man & one woman to marry. They refuse to acknowledge that god has no place in the legal contract of marriage & that, if a religious group wants to discriminate by allowing only straight males & females to marry, that is their right, as long as they limit their restriction to the sacrament of marriage. Once they start to interfere in anyone's right to enter into a legal contract, they are violating the separation of church & state & completely out of line. Maybe if we had the tradition of having 2 ceremonies - a civil ceremony in a courthouse & a religious one in a church or other house of worship like many European countries, gay people wouldn't have such a hard time exercising their civil rights.
Hello, Berta, my fellow Texan. Of course Annie is paying the freight and is entitled to her own opinions. But ModeKNIT is about her knitting business and I think she alienates and annoys a lot of potential customers with her politicizing of her blog. Is she creating buzz about her designs or she is seeking an amen from her choir?
Seeking an amen, definitely.
And perhaps I'm hoping folks will think. And treat me (and others) with the same charity they'd like for themselves.
Dawn, you don't set the parameters for my blog - don't even try.
Thank you Annie for being brave enough to stand up and help our voices being heard! Ryan and I are deeply honoured to be mentioned on your blog, I just want to share with people the love Ryan and I have, I can't see how that is wrong.
@Dawn
I'm sorry this offends you, but this is my life, I think it random knit blogs and such where this conversations do need to pop up, because the discrimination is wrong! I want to know that when my partner is in the hospital i have the same right any other wife would have to their husband....
Just a note: Catholic marriages are not dissolved in court; they aren't dissolved. (I actually wrote a ton of stuff on this but just deleted it, as it was very long winded!). In short, he Church says to be a good citizen, so get civil legal stuff taken care of (marriage certificates, civil divorce decrees, etc.), but the actual marriage is not under the authority of the government.
Marriages and/or civil unions everywhere have always been regulated by society because society has always had a vested interest in the health of the community. Hence, differences in how people view same-sex unions arise because people have different views on how a society should conduct and regulate itself, and what right it has to do so.
We don't as a society allow polygamous or incestuous marriage by law. Do we as a society have a right to? Why or why not?
Separation of church and state doesn't mean we don't make moral decisions when we make law. In fact, ALL laws can be said to be moral because they say what you can and can not do. "Can" and "Can Not" presuppose "ought" and "ought not", which is morality. We have laws that you "can't" run red lights, because you "ought not" to because people could get hurt, and that would be wrong, which is a moral idea. Do same-sex unions hurt society? Some say yes, some no. The bottom line: vote!
Difficult problems to be sure, and worthy topics of discussion. It's your blog, you pick the topics! I don't have a problem reading stuff I don't agree with (most of your politics!) but I think you are a very creative designer and don't have a problem reading about your life or your politics along with the knitting stuff!
Hi Annie,
I have enjoyed reading your blog for the last year or so. I enjoy your adventures in knitting and your lovely pics from your travels.
As for this entry: I think it's interesting that we spend the first 18 plus years of our kid's lives teaching them how to make decisions for themselves and then we want to dictate one of the most important, intimate and personal decisions they'll ever make. My feeling is if we want people to be responsible for their own lives than we have to respect what they decide and back off. Congratulations to Brooklynne and Ryan on finding love.
On another note, I was wondering about the yellow area on your wedding photo - just off Annie's left shoulder is a yellow spot that could be a discoloration in the photo or maybe you captured something? Just curious.
Take care,
Judith in Washington, DC
Annie, you're a doll. Keep talking about the important things and keep looking forward to a time when we are all equal.
Q.
Hear hear. I thought your country was meant to have separation between church and state?
I'm from NZ and very proud of my country. Bear in mind that the filing fee is probably in NZ dollars, so it's a very good deal! A person on an average income would earn about $120 in a day, after tax.
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