Saturday, February 27, 2010

Am I Even Here?

Once again, a long, long period of time has transpired between my last blog post and this one. I'm not usually so foot-draggy, and it's not intentional (or for lack of thought - I think about my blog quite a lot!)

No, I've been MIA for a simple reason: Exhaustion. Pain. Just feeling - blah.

And also feeling scared and blue and sad.

It's that feeling o' fear (fact: not as scary when I add the apostrophe) that overwhelms me when I realize our insurance will be running out in June.

Perhaps it's the second o' outright terror when I realize (after looking over several insurance applications) that I'm pretty much un-insurable.

Fibromyalgia patient with serious asthma & pre-cancerous hysto 8 years ago? Yeah, right.

It's unnerving, but I try not to let it become too overwhelming. I think about how lucky I am that we actually HAVE insurance now - when I needed it to be diagnosed - and even though I've hit a bit of a back-slide, I DO feel light years better than I did in November, December and part of January.

So imagine how surprised I was to read that darned Twitterscope (it's SO consistently on the money that I've just accepted that Astrologist Rick Levine must be an avid blog reader of mine and tailors the forecast to me, personally)

Here's what today's scope said;
Your self-image might be a bit distorted today, especially if you are experiencing physical symptoms that are hard to diagnose.

You are so sensitive now that subtle disturbances in your environment can manifest as inflammation or pain. Instead of covering up the discomfort, find the source and eliminate it.

Maintaining a positive attitude is currently your best strategy to feeling better.
So perhaps that's it - distorted self perception - seeing myself as weaker and sicker than I really am? Or, is it that I'm foolishly seeing myself as healthier than I am? My mind is a confused mess.

Yes, I am painfully sensitive now - physically, mentally and emotionally, that's for darned sure.

And I do look for the source of this - thing. Look, look, look. And I try to maintain a positive attitude. Really, I do.

Oh, good heavens, why am I trying to justify myself to an online horoscope?

But I am feeling a little too sensitive. When someone writes to tell me I should meditate, I want to scream, "But I DO!"

And then I ask myself, "How would they know that, I don't talk about it on my blog..."
So, just know that I do, and that I prefer not to write about it, okay? And that I appreciate your thoughtfulness and care - I appreciate it VERY much.

Just when you thought you'd NEVER see another History on Two Needles project, I've been working up a nice one for old Queen Bess. It's my Grispholm Jacket, based on a painting thought to be of QE1.

I love this piece; I love the mannish look of it, and the interesting lower arms and collar detail.

I will work the collar in the same fabric as the lower sleeves, not in fur, and I'm making the body a bit more fitted. It looks more fitted than it will ultimately be on the mannequin, it hasn't been blocked yet, and this is a fabric that REALLY loosens up when blocked


It's turning out to be a fun knit, the hip shaping takes place evenly across the work, but the bust shaping is located in one point, which forces the fabric to move in interesting ways. I love to shape like this, it's the same way I think about dress patterns (and costumes!)

The armholes are a cross between a raglan and a set in sleeve, it's a shape I really like because it creates a very easy armscye (easy to wear), and the shaping is simpler than a traditional armhole shaping.

I'm just moving into the collar now, it will be worked as short rows and I hope to capture the nice shape of the collar in the photo. I'm still puzzling over the best way to attack the sleeves. I'd LOVE to work them from the top down, but I need to think hard about that.

So, all in all I'm fortunate to have a job that I can do in a semi-prone position. Now if only it carried benefits...
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posted by Annie at


Blogger Leslie said...

Nice shaping, Annie :) I love the kettle died yarns these days, the varigation in the yarn colors just seems "nicer" to me than the solid dies.

This whole insurance things is a bummer. I'm feeling sold out by my government.

February 28, 2010 9:03 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

No advice for you, Annie, from this longtime reader, just total heartfelt sympathy for what you're going through and admiration for your strength and perseverance. (Not to mention cheers for your talent -- that jacket is gorgeous.)

February 28, 2010 10:48 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

hi annie:)
maybe you mite remember me from the Knit chat we used to have on
i hate to hear that your feeling so poorly.
Please check out what you can about the PHMiracle & Dr Young, i have heard him speak in public & really enjoyed him & the info he has to share. I who am known to be very antsy in my seat(anxiety) sat listening with relative ease..look/listen to this Youtube & find what else you can about him & this way of (in my words) balancing the inner body.
Please feel better!
p.s.let me know what you think

February 28, 2010 1:54 PM  
Blogger Tina L said...

On the off chance that you haven't seen this site yet:

It's a MN non-profit that helps "Minnesota residents who have been turned down for health insurance by the private market, due to pre-existing health conditions".

Maybe they'll be able to help you.

February 28, 2010 8:15 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I want to knit that jacket! It's beautiful even without sleeves.
Hugs to you! From reading your blog, I know you're a master at putting one foot in front of the other even when things are very hard. You'll find a way through this one, too.

March 01, 2010 6:53 AM  
Blogger Adrienne Martini said...

I *love* this jacket! Perhaps knitting is the best way through this?

THinking of you and yours.

March 01, 2010 8:00 AM  
Anonymous Judith in Ottawa said...

For the sleeve, what about a sock-heel type shoulder cap like on this sweater:

It can fit this deeper armseye and match the original's peak and seaming.

March 01, 2010 7:39 PM  
Anonymous kristy said...

Craft people need to form their own insurance company, alot of craft people suffer with problems,and use their craft for relief, I have fibro an severe migraines,, Knitters Unite!!I can guess we can allow the crocheters in too.

March 02, 2010 3:07 PM  
Blogger roz said...

This jacket is AWESOME--and I rarely use that word!!! I LOVE it. I agree about the insurance for the knitting/crochet artistes, and in fact, why not for all artistes??Or what about the government coming up with a viable solution?? There has to be one that we can all live with. I had to drop my really GOOD insurance and go with a so-so one because of the exorbitant cost but at least I had an option to have insurance. Well, keep on Annie and hang in there! Roz

March 02, 2010 5:40 PM  
Blogger ~ ~ Ahrisha ~ ~ said...

Hi Annie, Haven't been by for some time but stopped by today to hear your pain. Maybe it's a sign. I found a free solution to many of my problems. Simple and effective but you have to do it. If you would like more info I'm happy to share but I will not waste your time here if you are not. Best wishes to you.
~ ~Ahrisha~ ~

March 03, 2010 6:41 AM  
Blogger Anni said...

Gorgeous jacket. Love the look of the shaping. I really sympathise with you. I suffer from chronic neck/back pain and take 20 strong pain killers every day. And I'm tired and in pain all hte time. Knitting is okay as I can recline my comfy chair slightly and it takes the edge of the pain but pattern typing is not good. HOpe you feel better soon.

March 03, 2010 1:17 PM  
OpenID mwknitter said...

Gorgeous jacket - in fact, I think it would make a great vest also. I can empathize with you about the pain & worry that comes with FMS. I am sharing a link that my partner sent to me to a NYT blog about FMS with several really interesting links therein:

March 03, 2010 5:07 PM  

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