Saturday, May 22, 2004


Mable Anna Williams Modesitt
May 24, 1919 - May 22, 2004


There's not much to say tonight. I sat with mom all day today, she was in constant pain and in and out of it throughout the day. Late in the afternoon I realized she had been bleeding profusely, probably due to a return of her colon cancer. She was given more pain medication and, on my decision, allowed to rest quietly for the evening. I knew that the end was coming so I called Karen to make sure she stopped by the nursing home after work with Alex (Mom's adopted grandson.)

I left the nursing home at 7:00 to to check email, get a bit of work done in anticipation of putting off my return to NJ for however long was necessary. I returned at 9:30 and stayed until around 11:00. As I left I was enervated, couldn't rest, so I drove around Dallas for a few hours listening to classic 70's rock. As I returned to the house I had a nagging feeling that I should run over to the nursing home - but I didn't.

When I walked in the door Alex told me that the nursing home had called - Mom was "limping" (Alex's English is still in the process of being perfected, he moved here from Russia 2 years ago.)

Confused, I rushed back to the nursing home and arrived just as Karen was getting out of her car - together we ran to mom's bed but it was too late. Apparently she had "gone limp" when some of the aids were helping her sit up. She went quietly and - thanks to the new drug medication that she took that evening - she went with little pain.

The funeral will be in Parkersburg, WV next Saturday. Tomorrow I begin making the arrangements. I'm exhausted - it's around 5:00 am here and I've been on the phone for the past several hours, but I can't sleep. Thus the blog entry.

I'll be driving to WV - probably leaving on Sunday. I'm looking forward to it. I have a great need to be alone for a bit. I have 750 books arriving at my home, but they'll have to wait.

I will always be grateful that I was able to be here during mom's last week, and eternally grateful to Karen for all that she did for mom while I wasn't able to be here. Two nights ago, after I'd changed Mom's depend and cleaned her up, applied some cream to the awful 'diaper rash' she had and basically carried her back to bed and settled her in, I had the distinct feeling that my grandmother was telling me "Thanks for taking care of my baby..."

Mom was ready to go. I knew it would be soon, and I told her several times over the past few days, "Mom, you've done a great job, my life is good, my kids are good, Alex is great and Karen will be okay - you can go if you need to, you've done a good job..."

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