Obviously Not My Week
It amazes me that folks expect perfection from other people. And if you happen to end up in the public eye in any way, they expect fries along with the perfection.I thought I'd take a few days off from the blogging - mental health days (thanks for the nice comments, by the way) I had been thinking that this evening after the kids and the husband were fast asleep I'd blog a bit about the stuff I'm finishing up now, and some knitting borders onto fabric techniques that I taught this weekend, and a mitered bag pattern I'm trying to perfect for a class in Tulsa in December (here's a section of it - I'm felting it in the washer right now)
But then I received an email from a person who'd purchased the 2006 Crochet Pattern a Day Calendar, telling me that the fact that one of the patterns which was listed on a certain date was actually missing from the calendar (I was mystified by this mistake, too, when I got the calendar last year - apparently the project was removed to make room for the cover project, and the index wasn't changed...) The emailer said that this one missing pattern made them consider not buying the 2007 calendar.
I probably should have just ignored the email, but I wrote back that my suggestion would be - quite simply - that the emailer not purchase the 2007 calendar. It was frank, but I didn't think it was rude.
The response came within minutes:
You are incredibly rude. Maybe your success has gone to your head. I will definitely not buy the calendar nor anything else you write. I will tell the company that prints the calendar why I am not buying it. I will also boycott any magazines that carry your designs and tell them why I am doing so. I frequent 3 yarn shops and will share your e-mail with them and my many friends who knit and crochet as well. Thank-you-you just saved me a bunch of money!
Wow. Two vitriolic emails in a week. It kind of takes my breath away that folks have such high expectations of me - of anyone - that not only would I be able to edit a perfect, mistake-free group of 200 projects, but that on top of it I should fill some definition of graciousness that I may not be able to live up to every minute of the day.
I try to be gracious - I strive for that - but it escapes me sometimes. I'm realistic to know that I'm not going to succeed in every situation. In this case I feel that someone was having a very bad day, I said the wrong thing, and I ended up on the receiving end of some heavy frustration. And a boycott.
I know I'll get a lot of emails and some comments saying I'm silly for writing about this - perhaps worse - but every now and then crap reaches critical mass and I have to vent. On days like this my blog is like the Con-Ed chimneys you see in New York, releasing steam and keeping the manholes in place.
I think the hardest part of my work isn't dealing with editors or coming up with designs or even checking math in patterns. The hardest part is that I don't have co-workers to turn around to and say, "Can you believe this?!" Perhaps what I'm hearing is the sound of skin growing thicker?
Thank you for allowing me to vent on my blog - sometimes it just feels good to have a brief reality check.
I do get a LOT of lovely emails, email from folks asking for assistance with something, or thanking me for helping them with something else. Just nice emails - and they mean so much to me. I have a file I keep them in (right next to my "annoying email" file.)
But jeeze - this is the first time (I'm aware of) that I'll be boycotted. I guess I should feel a little excited. Does anyone else feel like there's some kind of mass hysteria that's working through the world?
I wonder if one of the yarn shops she frequents has requested and downloaded the Ruffled Roses Scarf
Oh, me, me, me. Sorry about the self pity-party.
Westward Ho
I'm leaving for Minneapolis on Wed to teach over the weekend, I'm really looking forward to it as I'll be looking at some homes, too. We got a bid on our house, but it was low (Gerry didn't even want to counter, but I insisted - you can't find a buyer if you won't deal a bit!) I honestly don't know how serious the buyers are, I think they might be happier with a different house. I keep telling Gerry that if the house sells that's good, if it doesn't it's not bad because we love where we live so much. We have good reasons for feeling that a change would be a benefit, and just as many compelling reasons why staying here would enrich our lives. The main sticking point - sadly - is that our taxes are just so high that we may not be able to continue on like this for much longer in this town that we love so much.
So I'll be looking at houses, but probably not doing any bidding...
WARNING: QUASI POLITICAL CONTENT
It's pretty obvious to me that the tax breaks for the richest folks have meant a rise in taxes for the middle class folks (especially property tax.) Why no one is bringing this up during this election season is beyond me. I mean, the states are mandated to implement "No Child Left Behind," but it's an unfunded federal mandate, so the states have to come up with the money themselves. In the case of our schools here, it's meant cutting back on things like counselors and foreign language from the elementary schools, spending a lot of time teaching to the test. We're certain that our taxes will NOT be going down at any time. Add to that the $25,000 burden that this war places on each American family as of today, and we're going to be paying for quite a while.
Gee, lovely, fun and upbeat post, huh? Sorry guys. I really did have a nice, funny post all set to go.
Christmas Plans
My sister in law and nephew are coming up to NJ for Christmas! We're SO excited to see them and spend the holidays together (not least of which because we get to show off our house when it looks the best!) We'll have the whole, small family (minus cousin Jan - damn! Although there's a chance she mau be able to make it) here for the holidays. A small family makes it easier for all of us to fit into one house...
The kids were so excited that when I told them, Hannah had a hard time sleeping that night. She adores her cousin, Alex.
58 Comments:
Oh Annie... people are so strange. Grow that thicker skin. Look after yourself. And remember there are a lot of idiots out there.
No apologies necessary for either venting or politics. In Mass., taxes/tax breaks/lowering taxes has been a big issue Turns out that when a town doesn't have enough income from other taxes -- surprise! the property tax goes up. I could go on ... To be honest, some days I have a hard time getting through the morning paper without crying -- there's so much unnecessary pain, stupidity, dishonesty, that we know about. And what we don't know about is frightening. Knitting is a fine break from it all; it's creative, beautiful, and even useful. And good people are part of it. Time to crash.
Must be the full moon. Just breathe...
It is very difficult to communicate honest feelings in print, in this case email. For this reason writing and sending a simple email can be quite unnerving. Oh, and from what I have seen on your work... you have every right to let the success "go to your head".
Sounds like you're doing well for exciting e-mail content ;) - oh well, there's just no reasoning with some people ...!
Much as I enjoy reading every one of your blog entries, I don't normally comment (not since the Yorkshire Tea post!) But today I felt I needed to send you a transatlantic hug, to agree with you that some people are just plain nasty and to reassure you that they are in the minority. The vast, reasonable majority will not even consider following such a silly boycott and will continue to support you and the amazing work you do because they *know better*!
Hi Annie, I am usually a silent lurker, but I really, really enjoy reading your blog. I adore your designs and don't think you're arrogant at all. You seem very kind, down-to-earth and just somebody who does what she loves.
Please don't be too upset about that e-mail. Only cool celebrities get boycotted, right? ;) Besides, if that person's knitting environment really decides to boycot you.. there's a whole lot of us left who will support you :D
What a putz- does this wo/man know that you are published in almost every Knitting mag?? Anyway, I can vouch that teaches loathe the No Child Left Behind Act- what a waste of tax money and a cramp in every curriculum. The No Child Left Behind Act was the undoing of Progressive teaching and most art programs (as me- an unemployed Art Educator how I know!).
This morning seems like a great time to tell you about two new knitting friends I just met at Stitches East. Our two groups met over dinner Friday night-we're from Virginia, they're from New York. We have a very casual weekly Knit Night-they have a pretty organized Knitting Guild. As they were telling us about the advantages of a guild they said that they are able to get many great knitters to visit them. As they told us about some of their experiences they went on and on about how YOU were the best guest they ever had and how much everyone LOVED you!!!
Sometimes we forget to pass on the positive things and only the negative people comment-we need to remember to pass on every good thing we hear about others! Have a good week, Jane
Hi Annie -- because my husband's a remodel contractor, we know the feeling of everyone thinking YOU'VE got to be perfect, but they can just torment you whenever they want! When they really annoy me, I write a letter -- and put it away. By the next day I'm able to say "whatever". As my old friend would say "she needs to take that rock out of her shoe." Love ya!
I just returned to working in retail after seventeen years of hands on mom-hood. Its not you Annie. There are people who have never known what it feels like to be secure and confident in their abilities. Raising a wonderful family with respectful, kind and considerate children, having a solid marriage, and a job that you do well and allows you to make a positive difference in people's lives. Phooey to the handful of poopheads. They have no clue.
Wow, Annie, that person who sent you the nasty email is a real nut. And if she does decide to carry through on her boycott idea, she's just going to cut herself off from one of the most talented knitwear designers of our generation. Talk about cutting off her nose to spite her face!
Keep your spirits up and know that you bring joy to a lot of people.
Mean people suck. Someone once wrote to me and told me I must be a terrible technical editor because they found 2 mistakes in free patterns on my website. I was freaked out for a week, even though I know that no-one can be perfect. Don't let them get you down, Annie. Just think, maybe this person just found out her husband is cheating on her or that her child has cancer or something. I mean, she could just be mean, but there's no way to tell. I usually try to send one nice email to diffuse a situation when someone sends me a mean message. If they continue to send me mean messages, I just mark them as spam.
Sounds like that person was spoiling for a fight to begin with. He or she could have sent an email with a "hey, I noticed a missing pattern! What's up with that?" but chose instead to threaten to not buy the next one. I think you were set up on that one and no answer was going to be enough for this person.
You can't please everyone all the time...and more creative and prolific you are, the more people will become alienated. Then again, you'll also build more and more support out there too. Pay attention to the good and ignore the rest.
Hi, Annie -
As old Abe didn't say, but probably should have:
You can please all of the people some of the time, or some of the people all of the time, but some people should just be put out of their misery...
Carol in Oregon
The Internet isn't always the warm, fuzzy friendly place that we are sometimes lulled into believing. There are all kinds of people out there: people with problems, chips on their shoulders, unbalanced people, people with tempers etc. etc. I guess one has to shrug the nasty e-mails off and be thankful they are far and few between.
Once I posted a suggestion in a comment on a knitting blog (one that is well-read, I may add ). I got an e-mail from that blogger stating that I should research her blog more before making an unsolicited suggestion. My first impulse was to fire an angry retort back to her telling her to 'get a life' but I stopped and remembered this person was really a stranger to me. So I just sent an e-mail stating that I never will comment on her blog again. And I won't.
Wow, I can say that when a person responds like that all out of proportion...it's definitely not you. You were just the unfortunate creature standing in the way of the volcanic blow. I'll add my support to you as a wonderful (and real) person. I met you from a distance in Indianapolis only at the charity luncheon, and I have vowed to but ALL your books, I just bought the crochet calendar, and I intend to spread to all of my friends (knitting or not) that you are a cool and real person. HA. maybe enough of us semi-cheerful nuts can help cancel out the plain nuts. Keep up the good work.
One important thing that I have learned over the past five years (I have been taking care of my hubby's company customer service) you can never please everyone. There is always someone who will have their panties twisted...no matter how much you bend over backwards for them, you won't be able to please them.
Smile--you are doing the best that you can :).
If you must reply to someone who writes to complain about a product, just agree with them that it's a darned shame! Nothing you say is likely to change the opinion of someone who writes to express dissatisfaction. Your correspondent's reaction to both the missing pattern and your email was way out of proportion to the perceived harm.
Annie--
I index for a living, and I know exactly how this happened: The page was changed in production, the indexer didn't get to see the FINAL final pages, and nobody caught the error. No malice on anyone's part.
If this poor soul will never read anything that includes, or patronize any business associated with, an index error, then she's doomed to a future without printed material or shopping. That's my definition of hell on earth--she's created her own miserable fate.
When did zero tolerance become the norm?
All over and everywhere, we set standards for zero.. Perfection is the only acceptable standard..
And yet, every where, there is failure.
I think people have displaced their anger at real things, (like non responsive or outright corrupt government) and focus it at small things.
Its easy to be angry at you Anne, you pose no threat, and make no demands.
Some where, all the way, we have given up our right and righteous anger at political systems that fail to deliver. And along the way we have become a society that requires 60 hour of work to support a family.
No longer will 1 40 hour a week job do it.
Now we need 60 hours.. So Mom works outside the house (or inside as you do!) as well as Dad.
And we have less time for civic responsibilities, and they are made more onerous.
We recognize we are over worked and over stressed, and feel helpless to do anything about it.
So zero tolerance is it.. EVERY ONE has to be perfect, every time. (except of course, me! I expect others to be perfect, but I am allowed to be rude, and demanding, and I should be excused!)
I know how it feels to be isolated when the nasty email happens. I'm like you in that regard--writer and designer working alone--although nowhere near as famous! Please feel free to blog or to email whenever you need to. Believe me, it's better to talk about these things with colleagues and vent...like, when I had an old lady from New Hampshire call me to tell me to go to hell! Or, the conspiracy theorist from Washington State who told me he was on my side and sent me his religious tracts... yup. It can be scary.
Positive email feedback is wonderful, but negative/hate mail can be so personal and harmful that it takes 3 positives to make up for the negative one, at least. One of your other posters was right--this doesn't have much to do with you. No matter what you say, some people are just going to be crazy poopoo heads. The world is full of them, unfortunately. Focus on the good stuff. It's all we can do.
Stitch dom - in full disclosure I have to say that her initial email wasn't rude - it just stated that the missing pattern would make her not want to buy the next calendar.
Please don't deny the rest of us the pleasure of your company and do keep on BLOGGING.
"He who tries to please everybody pleases nobody." - old proverb
Wow, what a nasty, mean and stupid mail. This took my breath away too. It's offending and rude and the fault lies not with you but with this person. In fact it's really incredible how people think and act.
By the way, I'm more a craft-knitting-voyeur than doing much myself, but I love your blog and visit it frequently.
Many greetings from Austria, Brigitte
Dear Annie,
I love reading your blog, and I guess it's one of those times that you have to take a deep breath and tell yourself that some weeks (day, months)are just like that. We can't be perfect every minute, nor can we fulfill other people's expectations. All we can do is our best. And your best is clearly pretty damn good. I can't wait to meet you in NH - I was the fan who called the yarn shop here to book you, so obviously you have plenty of fans. Ignore the few unhappy people determined to drag you down along with them.
Annie too
Some people's children!! May be she'll get over herself.
I was directed to your site by my knitting instructor becasue I am a combination knitter and didn't know it! Trust me, you have one new fan to make up for that cranky old one.
My husband and I have a small, local upscale restaurant in a community that is somewhat retirement and somewhat touristy. We have wonderful, lovely, fun, loyal customers. And once about every six months we get a piece of hate mail. Honest to goodness snail mail hate mail. No return address, no way to respond - just the "You ruined my entire existence with your ....... bad meal, rude hostess, wrong size glassware (!)"
So we read it, it gets in under our skin and for at least a week we wobble off course till we can mentally center outselves. Still haven't figured out how to recover/ignore it. But, you are not alone. Take comfort in a large community of friends and marvel that the other person even has any.
Annie,
Keep your eyes on the people who respect, admire or just plain love you and take strength from that. There will always be those people who react in an unpredictable way... because of their own problems, a mean personality or a simple misunderstanding.
I'm sorry... it's the icky part of dealing with the "public".
I know you like to have a personal touch... but have you ever thought about setting up a form letter type response?
Dear X, Thank you for pointing out the error with X. We try our best to give you the best product, but unfortunately mistakes will happen. I hope you will continue to use X, but if you choose not to we understand.
Sincerely, blah, blah, blah.
Bland, milquetoast, boring... impersonal, but inoffensive. Except that someone is bound to take offense at its impersonalness!
Oh well, good luck and hold fast.
Maybe she wanted the missing pattern?
Annie,
Her initial email was downright silly! I love the calendar. (well, ok, I have 2 patterns in it and I'm tickled pink with how you laid them out and where you put them). I think you did an excellent job.
Frankly, if I find an error in something and it's something that I want, I just email, stating the problem. Usually, my honey :) gets a positive response.
Even though I shouldn't be, I am continually amazed at how mean some people can be. I personally love reading your blog and send good thoughts your way!
It is so easy to hide in email and act all tough. At the end of the day, emotions are never conveyed properly in email anyway so shrug it off sister. Their loss of your brilliance.
Everyone here has pretty much said what I was going to, so I won't be repetitious.
I just wanted to let you know that you rock, you always have and always will. Your talent and joy of knitting and creating is inspiring and I am among the lucky ones who were able to experience your classes, too.
Push that nasty moron out of your head.
You know who your true friends and fans are!
xoxoxox,
Ellen
There always has to be one in the bunch. Really, with all of the people who love your work, one shouldn't make that much difference.
I know I enjoy all of your patterns and books. And I love that almost every time I open an IK, I can see one of your creations.
Just ignore them, maybe they will go away.
:)
::hug::
Bah, people!
I will work in your office anytime!
Plus, I got more really good chocolate to share, so here ya go.
Luv u
buh-bye!
to sum it all up - f*ck her/him. you don't need that walking disaster in your life.
keep on doing what you are doing. those that like you will still like you. and the rest of the world can kiss your a**!
(expletives changed to protect the innocent!)
anne marie in philly
Hi Annie,
Good luck with the sale of your home and your trip to Minneapolis.
By the way the person that e-mailed you will need to boycott all the great knitting magazines since your beautiful patterns are in many magazines.
Have a dafe trip
Beth
People can be really snarky when they don't hear what they want to hear.
I like your clarity and open-mindedness. That is not being rude, IMHO.
Also, on the gushing fandom side, when I got back into knitting a couple of years ago, your Knitting Heretic book saved my sanity! I had been taught combination and didn't know it (I thought I knit the way I did because my aunt who taught me was left-handed)--and was having a hard time with the other refresher book I had picked up. Then I came across your book with its very refreshing take on the whole thing. So there.
Best regards,
Kathleen
oh Annie... I blame it on all those foolish political ads.. they are making everyone crazy!
Don't let one silly person get you down... their loss as far as I'm concerned.
A word of advice: no matter what you do, someone out there will be deeply offended by it. The stories I could tell....
Still, folks should try tranferring the amount of energy that they put into their vitriolic spewing to something like eliminating hunger and poverty. They'd feel much better.
Hang tough! You're nobody until somebody hates you. ;-)
Sorry to hear about your nastygram. But I have to say, I was so relieved to hear that I'm not the only one with "nasty" and "nice" email folders! The "Nice" one is super filled up (thank heavens). The only truly nastygrams I've received are from two people I publically outted for trying to take advantage of innocent crocheters on a message board. (Ahh, the powers of Stat Counter. Keep your friends close, and...know the IP addresses of those who are just not nice people!)
As for "No Child Left Behind" and the state of the State of NJ, I SERIOUSLY couldn't agree with you more. As long as I've been teaching, we've been dealing with this. I dubbed it, "No Cash Let Behind" after I spent an afternoon actually reading that piece of garbage legislation. It was passed on the backs of tax payers alike. I mean, who *doesn't* think the concept of no child being left behind is a good one, right? It sounded good, and that's how it was marketed. Yes, MARKETED. And passed along with a whole porkbelly of garbage legislation attached to it.
The concept of "special education" along is enough to get me up in arms. School districts are required to bend over backwards for children with special needs (and rightfully so), but at a cost that tax payers can not afford without federal aide. But "No Cash Behind" doesn't want to fund any of it.
I need a vacation from this soapbox...
hey annie, wanna know how much your fibery fans appreciate your talent? heck, i'm opening a knitting shop in the town next door to you just to try and keep you here! no boycott or threat thereof will stop your talent from oozing out to our hungry hands. too bad email makes it so easy for people to dump their negative energy in your headspace. ignore it, you have too many better uses for your time.
Please don't worry about this stuff. If you worked retail you'd be very familiar with type of thing. People take things out on other people. Because they have to exercise their emotions, it's very silly.
I'm sure your email was fine, even if perhaps curt.
Annie:
I'm a regular reader of your blog, I own some of your books, I've had a lesson with you, and while I generally only see your patterns as something I would make for other people, I always enjoy seeing them and how they are constructed. As someone without your talent, I love to hear of your design process and of your adventures.
I realize that I may not be providing you with the most popular comment, but I think another disadvantage for you in working as you do is that, in addition to missing co-workers, you also do not have a anyone to assume the role of the boss. You have to be it all.
With respect to the individual who inquired about the error in the calendar, a boss's expectation would be that someone respond to her unemotionally from a customer service standpoint. This is your livelihood. She is a customer.
I'm a VK and an IK subscriber. (Yes, I'm one of those.) I know that they both have an oops section on their websites. I also think I've picked up some of your oops-corrections from your website. (My friend loved the sideways spencer.) I don't know how those items get listed and caught unless it's from other knitters reporting back to publishers, etc. In the future, maybe there's some sort of small "prize" that would be appropriate to send to those who find errors, or even a thank you note indicating that they were the first to catch it. I don't know.
What I do know is that it's a shame that she caught you offguard with this error and that the situation escalated to where it is now. Both for her and for you.
But why would you even email to say you were thinking of not buying something? Who cares? Don't buy it. What did she want from you? Did she even ask if the pattern would be there? If she's a knitter she knows that mistakes in editing happen and your figure it out. Why even bother to write the email in the first place.
Too much time on some people's hands. I think they need more knitting projects.
Kat, that is spot on. Sometimes I wish I could hire someone to handle customer service for me! What a load off that would be!
I usually try to be very good about the whole customer service thing (and when folks send me errors they've found I generally DO send some kind of a thank you - a pattern or something if anyone's experienced that from me, back me up here...)
But this time I didn't. It would be splitting hairs to say, "Well, even if the pattern listed in the index wasn't there, there was another one on that page, a nice one..."
Sounds like a complete overreaction on that person's part. It's annoying how that sort of thing affects us, isn't it? Even though we know it's unreasonable of them, we still agonise over the criticism.
Shirley in New Zealand
Someone might've already written this, but remember what Dr. Suess said. "Those that mind don't matter and those that matter don't mind." I can't believe such a woman would be so rude to you. I'm sorry! *hugs*
Annie, I'm sorry to say that your reply to the person who emailed you about a mistake in a calendar that has your name on it was rude. Next time, take a day or two to reply- don't just knock off an oversimplified, thoughtless answer.
Hi, I am hoping that you can point me in the right direction.
I am a semi- self taught beginner? knitter trying to knit your Backyard Leaves scarf, and I am stuck on row 3, after I add the extra 5 sts. they come undone when I try to knit them in the next row.
I understand you might not have the time to reply, but I had to ask. Checking knitalongs online, and my books has not helped.
Also is there an instructional knitting DVD, that you would recomend?
Thank you very much.
I.
I - can you email me privately about the backyard leaves so we can determine exactly what the problem might be? Write to annie at modeknit dot com
Thanks!
I guess we'll just have to pretend that this is the Giant Watercooler where you can vent about the over-reacting emails you receive (Isn't that terrible? Do you think she has a problem with that date? or just calendars in general?) and we can discuss that cute guy in accounting. I'll promise to try out a knitted wire pattern and you can tell me if I have VPL. Wish I were seeing you at the Sewing Expo but we're painting. Ish. Have a great visit!
Well, at least the e-mailer used (fairly) good grammar. It's when folks are snarky and borderline illiterate that I lose hope in society.
oh, annie, i'm so disappointed! i wanted so to take classes from you when you come to tampa in february, but apparently you're only teaching on weekdays, when most of us have to work! and i was so excited to learn you were coming, waaaah!
everyone gets "those" in their work place. my work spot is the fabric department of a very large big box chain. one of my most frequent "those" is this; "the sign in front of the ladies roon says it's closed. can i go in?"
and i'm rude for saying no, you cannot; the floor may be wet or there may be a gentleman in there cleaning, and THEN she goes to my boss to say i'm rude and then i have to tell him that i do NOT want to be responsible for checking the floor and telling some dufus who can't understand do not and who will go in there and slip and
well...anyway
you are not rude; just honest. let people take a little personal responsiblility, plus if she didn't like the item she could have returned it or gone to the publisher or
well..anyway; i'm going back to reading you now
LOL
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