All Home Safe
Max was the last to arrive home on this snowy day, and now we're all in for the evening. We're taking bets on whether there will be school tomorrow (after school stuff was canceled today) but either way I have a doctor appt tomorrow at 10:00 and I'm going to make it.And we miss Butkis so much. Gigi misses him terribly - Atticus keeps looking for him. Gerry's mom said that he was an "institution"
Gerry's back continues to be a concern. Apparently he has very brittle bones, and Monday they want him to go for a bone density test. He's been told by several folks now that they never (seldom?) see this in someone so young, and a man to boot. He says it's because he's become a house-husband. Who knows...?
At any rate, I can tell he's concerned - I am, too - but more than anything else is the wrenching pain that envelopes him. He didn't ask the doctor for any pain stuff, which I admire - but which I also sort of regret. I don't want him running around doped up, and both of us have substance abuse in our families (so we're on the wary side) but he's really hurting.
What this means in realistic terms for the time being is that I'm doing a lot, and there's a LOT to be done!
I finished two crocheted pieces for a book and took notes on them before I sent them off to the publisher. They're a day late (and the guy at the post office told Gerry that if the airport is snowed in they may be 2 days late...) and I feel bad about that. The stitch pattern is very nice on the surplice top, and when it was finished it had a very 1918 feel about it (fitting in our new 1918 home!) and I tacked the yoke of the dress up a bit in the back in case the model they use is smaller than I anticipated (it will be easy to un-tack if she's a tall model)
Then I shoveled the walkway in front of the house, dug out our car - it's parked in front of the garage, the PT is IN the garage - and got it warmed up for Gerry so he could take the package to the PO (I felt bad asking him, but he said it was one thing that he could do!)
Then I finally tackled Max's bedroom.Yesterday I took an early trip to IKEA to order wardrobe and storage for our room and Max's room, and we were stunned with the really NICE guys arrived in the driving snow with all of our Bjrgd and Kgrhhhb's and carried them upstairs for us. Max's bed wasn't terrible to fit together, but the new storage unit I got was a b*tch to put together. Oy. It probably had a lot to do with the size of the room (small)
Tomorrow I'll attack our own storage unit - I got one of those piece by piece PAX units - the woman who helped me was SO great - we're getting white doors and drawers to match the trim in our room. This should give us some nice, extra storage and wardrobe space.I've loved IKEA since it opened in NJ in 1992 - I was there the first day - and I still have the bed and armchair to prove it!
Max has a flair for assembling IKEA items, and last night he put together one of the new bedside tables that I bought. Gerry put the other together today - it took him about twice as long as Max, but he was working entirely on his knees and resting his back a LOT.
I also have a hanging shelf to put up in the bathroom, and I REALLY want to replace the medicine chest with a better one with more shelves on either side. The bathroom is cute, but a pedestal sink with no counter space is NOT the most useful for a family of four!
In the midst of all of this work I don't know WHAT I'd do without Hannah. She's such an incredibly helpful girl, she so much wants to get our house as homey as possible, and I find myself depending on her quite a bit. In some ways she's a young 10, but in others she's beyond her years.
One of these days we'll have to tackle the office - then the kids will have a place to go watch their own TV shows, do their homework and play on the computer. And now, with cable, I'm seeing that we'll have to start thinking about how to block certain show. Oy.
As I'm doing all of this stuff I KNOW that I need to get some submissions out to magazines, get some of my book ideas fleshed out so I can send them to a publisher and get going on something NEW, and spend some quality time with my bookkeeping. I also have to do some marketing strategies for the flip books and get my other books reprinted.So much to do - I hadn't figured on doing it alone (not really alone, but just sort of solo-for-a-bit) and it probably is time for me to get that assistant I keep talking about...
18 Comments:
Wow. That's a lot of stuff to do. Now might be the time to hire a teenager or college student with a good back to just help with house set up and assistant stuff? It's definitely ok to seek help at this point! What you've done so far is amazing. My best wishes for healing for your husband. Losing the cat must have made everything so much harder. I am thinking about you.
Not to contribute to the househusband syndrome, but I've heard that doing yoga can really help with bone brittleness. Perhaps Gerry can find a place where there are some other men going, too, when he feels up to it...
I am envious of your snow!
Annie,
I'd be your assistant in a second if I lived within a 40 mile radius of you. Unfortunately, here from Florida, I can only offer you muchos moral support. Happy thoughts to you and your beautiful yet snowbound family.
Hang in there, Annie! And Gerry, too. I have a husband with back problems, too (though perhaps not as bad as Gerry's, it sounds like), and it's hard to see the man you love in pain. But also hard to have to take up the slack! Sounds like you're all doing great considering the circumstances.
Annie, my thoughts are with you. Have either of you tried acupuncture? I doubt it will do anything if Gerry's bones are brittle, but it's a great relaxant. Acupuncture is not as painful as you imagine - more of a tickle when the needles go in - I was surprised, and it's amazing what it can help. I had a pinched nerve in my spine, and dragged my right leg as a result, the doctor's could not do anything but prescribe painkillers. I was beginning to feel like I was imagining the pain and discomfort (becoming a hypochondriac - can't spell) but then I decided to try acupuncture and it was the only thing that eased the problem - it took over 3 months though to work going once a week for my treatment. Everytime I went I was scared, but although there sometimes was a little discomfort I always felt really relaxed afterwards.
Make time for yourself.
Janet up in Yellowknife
Back problems are hellish. I'm really crossing my fingers for you.
Gillian
Here is a link to some useful information: http://www.med.umich.edu/1libr/guides/osteo.htm
We LOVE Ikea too, but we must drive to Paramus for the closest one (we are in Albany). I have four sets of those Expedit Bookshelves and while they can be tricky to put together initially, they are AMAZING!!
Hope that all of you continue to regain health and strength. I love reading your blog!
Elise
Annie & Gerry...As a long term patient with disk problems, Gerry should not feel bad about asking for pain meds when he has such major back pain. I too have substance abuse in previous generation of family but I would have gone out of my mind had it not been for the meds prescribed. A massage therapist is a must for me also. My thoughts are that when the pain is gone or subsiding you will know when to wein yourself off of the drugs with your level of conciousness. You have to be your own advocate in this battle of back pain so a doctor might not give the drugs if you don't ask. Once the initial adjustment is over he should not be doped up - THE MEDICINE GOES TO THE PAIN. I get no "high" from my pain meds. I'll get off my soapbox now I just don't want the stigma of drugs to interfere with another sufferer of major back pain. I'm talking Quality of Life for your husband and your family.
Hope some of this helps - Good thoughts and prayers for the welfare of your wonderful husband and family.
Robin
If you still need furniture check out www.target.com It's not the same stuff they sell in the store,but for some reason much better quality. We bought a set of dining chairs from them- they are very solid and the site frequently has free shipping.
Hello:
I do so hate to offer advice to a person who is so clearly competent and capable, but as someone with both personal and professional experience with some of this pain business:
1. Ditto the acupuncture/yoga/massage suggestions. There are some really fine, honest, effective alternative medicine practitioners in this area and they can do a lot.
2. Ditto what Robin said. A body in pain sort of crunches itself up around the pain, thereby creating more discomfort and inhibiting healing. If there's something that would work for his pain, it's worth a try. You'll not want it when you don't need it, - often it is common that people who really can benefit use too little, or stop too soon.
Scuse me, I need to step down from my podium now -
Ann
Oy! Just reading today's post makes me tired! You are one busy lady.
Will keep Gerry in my prayers for healing - bad backs are the worst!
Hang in there!
"I know God won;t give me more than I can handle. I just wish he didn't trust me so much."
- Mother Theresa
Be sure to take time to rest and take care of yourself, too. It's hard when much of the burden of day-to-day life shifts onto your shoulders, but it's a lifesaver to learn how to decide what really NEEDS to be done, versus what you THINK needs to be done (or would like to be done). I was a single mom of two young boys for a year before I got married last year, and I learned very quickly to let a lot of things go so I could focus on the things that mattered.
Being good to yourself is the best way to make sure you can be there for your family in the way you want to be.
Would an assistant be someone who could work "on-line" as opposed to "in-person"? email me!!!
Ditto on Target.com for some nice furniture that is very reasonably priced. I buoght an amazing dining table and desk. Both solid wood and very strong. And your house needs as much strong right now as you can get. Take care.
I'm new to your blog. I discovered it when I got an invitation from the Yarnery for your appearance tonight (I won't be able to come this time). Anyway, I'm commenting because your husband's condition sounds so much like what my dad has and I want to tell you about the cause of his "brittle bones" because so often with back pain they address the symptoms and don't always find out the source of why it is happening. Sorry if the story gets a bit long: My dad had lots of pain due to compression in his spine. Several disks collapsed onto one another and this was very painful. After a bone density, they determined he had brittle bones and osteoporosis. What led to that in a man? Not being a house-husband! But...they did determine that he had extremely low levels of testosterone, hence giving him bone problems much more common in an older person (especially female). If they had stopped their testing with just the bone density, he would have taken meds for just that condition. However, the specialist at Mayo (in Rochester, MN) had seen some cases of low hormones contributing to the problem and ordered a simple test. With the additional medication, he is so much better. A side note: low hormones also creates general grouchiness and depression, so the "attitude" we used to think was due to the back pain was really a hormonal imbalance.
Okay, way too much detail to share with a stranger online, but I thought it might help. My dad is feeling so much better that I hope you are able to get to the bottom of Gerry's back problem and find a way to make him whole again. Have fun at the Yarnery tonight. Maybe I can meet you in person another time.
A few notes back:
Barbara - that sounds amazingly like my husband. I'm going to mention this to him, perhaps they can test for hormone levels along with the bone density.
Suzanne - I'm sorry, I think I'd need someone within general shouting distance (or at least driving distance!)
Robin & Ann - thank you so much for the gentle nudge to get Gerry to take meds. I just drove to the clinic, got the prescription, got it filled, brought it home and practically put it into his mouth. I think he honestly doesn't realize quite how bad the pain is most of the time, he's just bracing himself for the odd turns that really kill him.
Janet - I have an appt with an MD on Tuesday who is also an acupuncturist, so it may be that I will be going that route sooner rather than later!
Ruth - thanks!
Joanne - there's a yoga place near us that we're both interested in visiting...
To Everyone who wrote about Butkis - Thank you ALL so much!
I just wanted to let you know that i have seen studies (I am a pharmacist) that show that people in pain react differently to narcotic paonkillers than people not in pain. If you are in pain, you might get some physical dependence, but that would just mean either a short weaning off period or just stopping and dealing with the jitters for a while.(a day or 3) Seriously, ask for pain meds. They might even decide to go the non-narcotic route (depends on the specifics of your case), but either way, Gerry will fell better. Or at least, not as bad!
{hugs} as for putting the pax together.. GOOD LUCK! We had a hard time with ours (I won't start on what happened when we had to move the bolted together pieces). Most other things IKEA are easier for us. What would we do without IKEA?
{hugs} for G & all... bone density.. what scary stuff!
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