I didn't make it work.
Me in line
The staff-shot (polaroid)
and my own shot of the headband. In the rain.
The staff-shot (polaroid)
and my own shot of the headband. In the rain.
I'm sad, but feeling fine and realistic. A six-hour drive home is a great mind-clearer.
Tom went with me this morning, he waited outside for a bit until he had to leave for work (Tom, the loudish woman behind us told me that my "husband was a babe!" Woo.)
All went pretty well, we got rained on, no big deal. Once inside there was time to steam some of the pieces and get them together.
Interview one was with a 20-something guy who had NO interest in talking to me at all. The young, pretty girls in my group got lots of chat time. Me? He hardly waited to hear me finish my name.
I guess I should have figured the gig was up then.
The next interview was with a 20-something woman who leafed through my portfolio and said there wasn't enough sewing. I explained that every sweater IS sewn, that the general rules of construction apply to all garments, and that the dress that I brought demonstrated that I was able to sew well. No soap. So I didn't even get past the portfolio review.
I did notice that two pretty-and-hip-young-things in my group were able to forego the portfolio review (hmmm...) and a woman who was in front of me in line and had - well, I have to say it, dreadful, badly sewn costum-ish stuff with her - got through the portfolio review.
I think it was a combination of ME not being visually compelling (is that a nice way to say fat?) and the girl who reviewed my portfolio not understanding about sewing/construction/knitting (in other words, having a bias against knitting...) and, well, both things can be addressed, but not in one day.
Too bad.
12 hours of driving.
But I'm home, I can concentrate on some things that NEED concentrating on. Gerry has an MRI tomorrow, his bone density is rotton and he has high calcium levels in his blood so the doctor's thinking some kind of thyroid thing. This is where I need to be. And it's out of my system for this year.
In all honesty, this is probably the best outcome; I got to go through with the audition, I know what I need to change if I want to do it next year (add a few more sewn pieces, lose a few pounds...) and my heart wasn't 100% in it.
I kept thinking, "This is NOT the time for me to do something like this..." But I figured that if the one-in-a-million chance happened and I was moved to the next level, I'd deal with that then!
I'm blown away by your comments, your great thoughts, kind wishes and all of the text messages I received today - thank you all SO much! If I didn't answer you back, it's because it's hard to text and drive. This won't be my year for PRW, but maybe next year...
Carry on!
47 Comments:
Sounds like the whole process is right out of, for instance, the TV show 'Betty'. Hugs to you and Gerry -- and the kids who really need their Mama right now.
I'm sad to hear how unfair the process was but happy you get to settle in with your family now.
What frustration - but other doors will open for you, and you'll thrive and do fabulous OTHER things.
Good wishes to you and your family.
Hugs to you Annie, they don't know what they passed up. At least you got Wayne and Tom to cook for you. Ask Wayne to make his tomato aspic for you sometime. :)
I'm sad you didn't get a fair chance. A family member tried out for Last Comic standing and had the same results. I think you're right anyway; this probably isn't the right time. But, you get ready for next year!!
Annie, I'd still love to see you on the show! They do take people who have auditioned before, so you can definitely try again next year, if the mood strikes you. Your weight is probably less of a problem than you think--you looked wonderful in the Yarn Harlot photo today (yodeling in the Cleveland alps)!
At any rate, you can concentrate on more important family matters now. And you can take a bow for even going through with the casting call, given the many, many things you've had going on in your life in the past few months. Hip, hip, hooray!
I'm sorry that PRW didn't work out for you this year, but as you say, home is where you kinda need to be right now. What with a move across the country and a hubby with health problems. I applaud you for even going through the process. I love the show and would have loved to seen you go through it, but all is not lost. You can always try again!
Too bad it wasn't as good as it should have been, but you are right, now was maybe not the best time.
I commend you for trying though! Way to go! That in itself is a HUGE achievement.
Oh, love the headband!
I think you said it all with "my heart wasn't 100% in it". A piece of your heart had that dream, and you can come back to it when the rest of your heart is ready to follow. For now, peace at home and best wishes in helping Gerry back to health and the kids in fitting into their new lives and for you in what we all consider a very important career - for you and for us.
I love PRW and would love it even more if you were on it. Except, I think I would be so nervous if someone I "know" were participating, I might not enjoy it as much! Anyway -- try again next time -- you're wiser for this experience. And Gerry and the kids really do nee you right now, probably even more than usual.
Oh -- and you look so cute in those pictures. Your eyes are so blue!
Oh, how annoying and disappointing. I'm glad that it feels like there is some silver lining in the form of more family time, though. People are often dorks and don't use the right criteria to judge other people; you know your work is amazing (I'd wear any of those three pieces any time and feel absolutely like a million bucks doing it!), and so do we. Take care; I hope the MRI goes well tomorrow!
Annie,
I think it's incredible you went to the audition at all. You're so amazing!
I just read that Uli, Angela and Michael of the last season, all auditioned previously, learned from their mistakes and obviously finally made it.
I'm sorry you didn't make it, but glad you'll be with Gerry and the kids now.
Sending Gerry the best and hope he finds the relief he needs.
Sounds like fate has given you your mission - care for the family and finish settling into your new home.
You're in for a special treat with spring coming. We Twin Cities folk are SO thrilled when spring comes that we turn into sun worshippers and do any and every outdoor sport available. Of course, there's nothing like sitting by the lake and knitting! (even us big girls get out and bike, walk, etc.) ;-)
Enjoy your new home, your family and take the time you've been given to create some new garments that wil knock their socks off next year!
I'm so glad you did this, if only to have a little glimpse into the audition process. Thanks, and good luck next year!
I too love PRW but they don't know what they are missing! Gals from Rochester are still in stitches over your recent visit! You don't need PRW just create your own needlecraft competition.
You are such a talented lady and I'm so glad you did it, eventhough it didn't turn out as you hoped.
I'm sending Gerry and you good thoughts, and hoping that he will be feeling better soon. You are an awesome talent - they lost out on somebody special!
You should feel proud of yourself for going through with the audition. I'm sorry that you didn't make it through this year, but I really believe all things happen for a reason.
Good luck settling in. We moved again 2 weeks ago (fourth time in 9 months) and it takes time to re-establish oneself.
You're lovely and generous to share your experiences and life.
((((((((((hugs))))))))))
I love your blog, and am disappointed for you.
The producers of this show probably have their storylines written already, and their "characters" chosen. I was surprised that ANTM needed a team of story writers (who had to strike over their conditions).
Annie,
My daughter and I (I'm the "sister"!) had such a great time meeting you at Fine Points in Cleveland. Your lecture was so interesting and I will always remember Prince Charming! You were charming and very inspirational, especially to my daughter. Your photos in "the Alps" were so funny! Keep on keeping on!
The Project Runway people sound incredibly shallow! It just confirms the reality tv syndrome of drama over content. BAH!
Cheers! and best of luck settling into St. Paul. (I just moved back here myself a month ago).
Well poo on PRW, if you were on the show, that would be reason enough for me to get cable TV! I am glad that you got it out of your system and will be able to focus on making your new home in St. Paul and helping Gerry get all better. I hope you make it next year!
I hate to say it - but could this also be like American Idol. Where they aren't looking for the best candidates - just the best TV candidates. Certainly they have to keep their audience interested, but in the long run it isn't doing them or their "tv friendly" candidates any favors.
a couple of quick things - first off you are already far more successful at your design work then any of the people there at that audition AND a published author too boot!!
And secondly they don't want real people on these shows no matter how great you are and your designs are - they want size 00 who design "strange" things.
Who there can say they had a dress at the Emmy's (geeze I hope I have the right award show - sorry - I don't follow them much - but I was super impressed by your dress!!) And how many of them have a following who show up to see you at book signings and classes and set the Tivo to catch you on tv?
They are the ones missing out not you.....
Sorry it didn't go as you had hoped, but how awesome that you gave it a shot. You also got a lot out of it, especially ways to improve for next time, which is an excellent way to view all experiences.
Hope Gerry's MRI provides some help for his care. My mom has back issues (20 surgerys) so I completely relate to how hard it is to see one's parent in pain.
Annie--
Longtime lurker here. I first became acquainted with your work when I was futzing around with continental knitting (before you had a blog). It stinks that you didn't even get a chance to present your work. As a person of poundage, I have been dismissed summarily by the best of them. And I've also noticed that my thin and handsome DH gets top treatment no matter where we go. For example, for laughs one day, we scoped out a let me say very fancy dept store at Short Hills Mall. Me? None of the salespeopple would even LOOK at me let alone approach me. DH? Like flies to honey. He kept having to dismiss them (no, no we're just looking). This is one of the primary reasons I'm on a diet now (my health is good even with the extra weight)--being thin opens doors even when it shouldn't. Even when I wasn't like that when I was thin. Um, OK... can I be any more preachy? Anyhoo, on a entirely different note, like Gerry, my DH was recently diagnosed with osteoporosis (he's only 40). We're feeling our way through this, but it's rough and unexpected. If you ever want to compare notes, just shoot me an e-mail (kniturnal@gmail.com). And Annie you know your stuff rocks--those low-level staffers on project runway really blew it.
{{Annie}}
It's their loss! Don't be too disappointed. These shows are already written and then they cast the faces to match the characters-that is the real reality about these shows. It is my opinion that you should be starring in your own show. What is wrong with producers these days?!
You are a fine artist of the highest caliber. It was such an honor and so much fun to meet you at the Tampa Sewing Expo. Your cable class was awesome. (I'm teaching my dd about Prince Charming) I tell everyone about your beautiful work, and I have found a few people who are also knitters-one a combination knitter. I take my knitting everywhere and it amazes how many people comment on how they "used to" knit. I wrote about that in my blog.
My goal for the end of the year is to make the skirt that I tried on at the end of your class. ATM, I'm knitting for my s-i-l who is expecting--I have made some booties and I'm working on a jumper.
I hope your dh is feeling better soon. You are both in my thoughts and prayers
sigh! but you are right. Gerry needs ya!! There is always next time!!! That's what I said about Knitty Gritty!!
Denise
knitchat.com
I'm struck by how different your recent blogs have been...from the frolicking elation (I saw the Alps pictures) of spending time with other well-known knitters to the condescending attitude from the fashion world. Is this a coincidence or part of a bigger reality...knitters are very accepting of all sorts of people with all styles and maybe the fashion world isn't? I don't have any first hand knowledge and I'm not suggesting knitting isn't fashion. But...the surrogate sisterhood might not happen just anywhere. I consider you very lucky to be part of the Knitter's circle.
Are you heading over to the Yarnery/William Mitchell tonight to see the Harlot? I'll be there with the 350+ others enjoying yarn, camaraderie, and maybe beer. Join us if you can! I'd enjoy meeting you, too.
You should really try next year. You are an amazing designer, and as I believe everything happens for a reason, it could be that the timing was not right.
I think that often for things like this, the ones who get in are the ones who know what is expected - you didn't have a whole lot of behind-the-scenes knowledge about what it's like, and now you do. Thanks for sharing it with us all - and next time you will be more prepared to impress them with their line items.
Sad to hear it was such a frustrating experience - it does sound like they already knew what they wanted and were just waiting for it to turn up.
It's great that you went for it though, and good that you see it was their bias - because there's surely nothing wrong with your work!
Annie, I'm sorry to read your audition didn't go so well. I was sending you happy thought because it would've been nice to see someone, like you, with real, diverse talent. I find your work inspiring and, maybe next year, we'll both be auditioning for PRW (and you'll be so IN next year). Your positive attitude towards the whole situation is probably more than I could muster. Happy thoughts and best wishes to your family.
It's good to have you back where you're loved and appreciated.
I wouldn't want to be involved in something where my abilities are compared to my body.
You can dance (and knit and sew) circles around those other people. Be proud of it!
Sounds like an interesting and educational experience. I agree with the others - its really their loss for being so narrowly focussed!
That's really lame... hopefully you will have better luck next time! My guess is they always have certain types picked out for all those shows. I know one of my friends had a friend who didn't make American Idol because - get this - she was TOO TALENTED!
I admire your courage in going to the audition at all. Your work is good, your skills overwhelming, your body and face are your own.
The real problem is that Project Runway is not about design, it is about TV. They are looking for a group of folks that will generate tension, conflict, drama. Folks who can behave like professionals are NOT what they are looking for.
I am sure you would have been a fantastic candidate, and would have taught a LOT people a lot about design, clothing and knitting. I am equally sure that you do that anyway, regarless of the venue.
Congratulations!
fat? my ass....just look at those fantastic blue eyes! well; next year honey. hug hug
Annie, So sorry you didn't make it, as I think you would be FABULOUS on the show. That said, I love to read your blog and remember your concern over the timing, so I think the universe just gave you what you really needed which is to be able to concentrate on your family.
Hoping to get to see you when you are in Sacramento, and obessively checking Amazon for possible printing date updates to Romantic Hand Knits. I want it now! Paula
The producers have defined Characters for the show. You were auditioning for a role in a TV show. The portfolios of the applicants were very secondary to the auditioning process.
Annie Š
IÕm sorry you didnÕt make it this round at Project Runway. I am a big fan of PR. I just had a marathon session watching PR2 a few weekends ago and a really enjoyed it Š expect for the annoying Santino. When I read you were going to audition, I was busily developing some fantasies of how we could support you in the contest. I was particularly thinking of what we could do at the runway show: here are some of my ideas:
1 Š a bunch of knitters would get tickets (somehow Š they much cost a fortune) and all the knitters would sit together. We would do a *wave* like at the ball parks, only we would all be linked together with multiple strands of yarn. After your models walked the runway, we would all though scarves and socks onto the runway. Then we would watch the big name designers, like Michael Kor; Š fall apart. Tim Gunn would love it Š he is so cool.
2 Š before the runway show, we would all gather together where the guests for the runway show come in Š and we would all be knitting.
3 Š I was also thinking we could find out what hotel all the participants were staying at and we would stand outside the knitting; we could stage a knit in at Mood Fabrics; we could do something similar at Parsons; and so on and so on.
For the auditions, my sense is that you donÕt necessarily need to be a skinny person (all though as all us amples know, it couldnÕt hurt) but as a somewhat more middle aged person, to dress very snappy and wear something very tasteful that you designed. At the end of Season 2, it came out that the gal from Australia had designed some interesting womanÕs clothes Š but this hadnÕt come out before. This is in addition to your portfolio.
It seems rather sad that the initial screeners at auditions are young people without much real world experience. Even though they are young and supposedly hip, they probably donÕt know how to look for or appreciate something that isnÕt part of the 6 foot size 2 model experience.
Good luck next time. Break a sock (sounds better than break a leg).
I am sure you would be far more interesting to watch on TV than either of the young ones.
I hope that Gerry gets some good answers from the MRI etc.
~x~
Given your breadth and depth of knowledge (I'm attempting to create a project and was looking to some of your designs for constrution information such details are not found everywhere) it is disappointing to hear your account.
You are right, the yarn looks awesome wound in your hair.
My mother says things happen for a reason, so you are probably right, that this is where you are supposed to be.
Thanks for the 'turban' shot!! How cool, I never would have thought of wrapping yarn around my head.
Annie, I'm so glad you tried, and I'm more than a little disappointed that more didn't come of it. I know that much of PR is fake, manufactured and composed, but I was still hoping they'd see how much fun having you as a contestant could be even if you didn't fit the conventional mold. I hope you'll try again, and I hope things go smoothly for Gerry from here on out!
Damn them! I'll never watch the show with the same eyes after hearing that they wouldn't let you past the portfolio review. Perhaps it is all for the best, but still... damn them!
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