Modeknit / Knitting Heretic

More and more time

2010-03-07T17:55:00.006-06:00

More time passes between blog posts, and it makes me sad. Not Heidi-Klum-looking-at-a-dreary-dress sad, but almost.

As you've probably guessed, I haven't blogged because of what seems to be a fully blown fibro flare up. I have no idea what triggered it; I've been keeping pretty serious records of what I eat, what I do, but all that data is absolutely no help so far.

I was so troubled by this whole return-of-the-painful-fog episode that on Friday Gerry & I saw my rhematologist again. He didn't have much in the way of new suggestions, but he wants me to see a neurologist to check my brain and then with a clean brain-scan I can begin visiting a fibro clinic near my home (I can ride my bike!)

He also suggested "seeing someone" to deal with the stress involved in this whole new [unwanted] chapter of my life, which is not a bad idea.

Much of my current stress comes from the fact that I am not just riding the bus, I'm also the one who is driving it. Unfortunately, many days I'm asleep at the wheel.

Almost as annoying as the pain and my inability to remember words, numbers - so many things - is the constant tinnitus that squeals through my head. Worse when I'm tired, it's so loud by bedtime that I fall asleep with the TV on to drown out the high pitched whine.

[a side note - I do appreciate all the comments and private emails I receive, but please don't email me any more about sleep heath. That's been checked, my sleep is dandy.]

This week I turned down 3 teaching jobs for 2010, I just don't think I can do them. I think many days I can just sit.

Just getting through the appearances I've already set up will be a bit of a push, I don't see how I can add any more. This is the point when I fear falling even farther behind in everything.

Which is when it's good to remember that Gerry went through similar mental difficulties when he was diagnosed 3 years ago. I know I'm not alone.

I've felt guilty about how little physical effect I've had on the family - not able to clean very much, not able to cook meals, not able to talk on the phone. Happily, Atticus has been with me every non-step of the way.

To assuage my guilt I went with Max on his class ski field trip (I drove my own car so I could rest or cut out early if necessary - it wasn't) The day was pretty much just sitting and watching kids come roaring down a hill at breakneck speeds, the slope was a mere 40 minutes from our house - all in all, a wonderful day.

But just driving there, showing my face, then sitting and crocheting for 4 hours absolutely WIPED ME OUT. I couldn't believe how exhausted I was later that day.

This is my new reality.

Slowly - very, very slowly - I did some sewing yesterday that has been crying out for completion for about 3 years. I finished a slipcover for our sofa-bed (the upholstery was ripped and cat-shredded) and a matching foot stool cover. You can see part of the sofa in the photo above, under the dog.

Making a slipcover for this particular sofa is something that I've done twice in the past in 3 hours. Yesterday it took me all day, from morning into the evening, moving very slowly. Don't even get me started on how slowly I'm knitting these days.

But I felt such a drive to finish it - to have SOMETHING concrete to show that I'm still contributing to the comfort of our home - that I'm helping us keep it together. And with every stitch I understood how pathetic that would sound, but it didn't make it any less true.

However, the seeds Hannah and I planted are coming up much faster than we anticipated. Very nice to see. Does anyone know if the Topsy Turvy planter will work for beans?

Am I Even Here?

2010-02-27T19:34:00.002-06:00

Once again, a long, long period of time has transpired between my last blog post and this one. I'm not usually so foot-draggy, and it's not intentional (or for lack of thought - I think about my blog quite a lot!)

No, I've been MIA for a simple reason: Exhaustion. Pain. Just feeling - blah.

And also feeling scared and blue and sad.

It's that feeling o' fear (fact: not as scary when I add the apostrophe) that overwhelms me when I realize our insurance will be running out in June.

Perhaps it's the second o' outright terror when I realize (after looking over several insurance applications) that I'm pretty much un-insurable.

Fibromyalgia patient with serious asthma & pre-cancerous hysto 8 years ago? Yeah, right.

It's unnerving, but I try not to let it become too overwhelming. I think about how lucky I am that we actually HAVE insurance now - when I needed it to be diagnosed - and even though I've hit a bit of a back-slide, I DO feel light years better than I did in November, December and part of January.

So imagine how surprised I was to read that darned Twitterscope (it's SO consistently on the money that I've just accepted that Astrologist Rick Levine must be an avid blog reader of mine and tailors the forecast to me, personally)

Here's what today's scope said;

Your self-image might be a bit distorted today, especially if you are experiencing physical symptoms that are hard to diagnose.

You are so sensitive now that subtle disturbances in your environment can manifest as inflammation or pain. Instead of covering up the discomfort, find the source and eliminate it.

Maintaining a positive attitude is currently your best strategy to feeling better.

So perhaps that's it - distorted self perception - seeing myself as weaker and sicker than I really am? Or, is it that I'm foolishly seeing myself as healthier than I am? My mind is a confused mess.

Yes, I am painfully sensitive now - physically, mentally and emotionally, that's for darned sure.

And I do look for the source of this - thing. Look, look, look. And I try to maintain a positive attitude. Really, I do.

Oh, good heavens, why am I trying to justify myself to an online horoscope?

But I am feeling a little too sensitive. When someone writes to tell me I should meditate, I want to scream, "But I DO!"

And then I ask myself, "How would they know that, I don't talk about it on my blog..."
So, just know that I do, and that I prefer not to write about it, okay? And that I appreciate your thoughtfulness and care - I appreciate it VERY much.

HoTN
Just when you thought you'd NEVER see another History on Two Needles project, I've been working up a nice one for old Queen Bess. It's my Grispholm Jacket, based on a painting thought to be of QE1.

I love this piece; I love the mannish look of it, and the interesting lower arms and collar detail.

I will work the collar in the same fabric as the lower sleeves, not in fur, and I'm making the body a bit more fitted. It looks more fitted than it will ultimately be on the mannequin, it hasn't been blocked yet, and this is a fabric that REALLY loosens up when blocked

SWATCH ALERT -
THIS KIND OF PROJECT
DEMANDS A SWATCH!

It's turning out to be a fun knit, the hip shaping takes place evenly across the work, but the bust shaping is located in one point, which forces the fabric to move in interesting ways. I love to shape like this, it's the same way I think about dress patterns (and costumes!)

The armholes are a cross between a raglan and a set in sleeve, it's a shape I really like because it creates a very easy armscye (easy to wear), and the shaping is simpler than a traditional armhole shaping.

I'm just moving into the collar now, it will be worked as short rows and I hope to capture the nice shape of the collar in the photo. I'm still puzzling over the best way to attack the sleeves. I'd LOVE to work them from the top down, but I need to think hard about that.

So, all in all I'm fortunate to have a job that I can do in a semi-prone position. Now if only it carried benefits...

Ch-ch-ch-changes

2010-02-19T09:22:00.003-06:00

Giant and Lil' undies
Originally uploaded by Archie McPhee Seattle

I'm feeling like I'm going through so many changes that it's hard to know which end is up. I swear, I have to write notes on my hand to change my underwear most days.

Life is better than it was in December when I was writhing in agony most days. So don't take this post as a complaining holler. It's more along the lines of a complaining whine.

I just feel - unsettled - confused - unsettled (did I already say that?) and I'm struggling to find my emotional and mental balance right now.

(However, according to the Wii, my physical balance is sensational, I'm only .07% off. Yay!)

That's part of why I haven't blogged.

We've also had a hell of a week.

Our health insurance is expiring in June, which sucks. Gerry and the kids will be okay (G's on SSI, so he'll be on Medicare and the kids are covered in the same manner with MN care) but I won't be covered, so we're looking for something in that realm.
Our roof has a leak and the wall in Hannah's room looks like it has a crawling skin disease with the water damage.
We've learned this week that Hannah needs some orthodontia which is not covered by our very basic dental insurance, so we've made an appointment to take her to the U of MN Orthodontia for a screening - first opening in late March.
We just had a knock at the door from the gas company. Apparently there's a leak in front of our house. (YAY!)
They're coming back later to fix it.
I just haven't felt "present" at my online class chats this week. I've left a few early because of pain, and my focus is bad. It puts a cloud over many other things I'm currently doing.

I swear, if the 2 round trip airline tickets to Ireland weren't already paid for (Max & I are traveling on Frequent Flier miles, Gerry & Hannah's cost $800 each), and the entire trip planned out, I might consider canceling it. Naah.

However, in my heart of hearts I know that life is short and the opportunity to take the family to Donegal for 3 weeks for $2,000 doesn't happen every day.

See, I can rationalize anything - it's a gift.

Fibro Now, Fibro Tomorrow, Fibro Forever
The truth is, as much as I'd love to think that Vit D3, a wheat-free diet, regular exercise and the other good stuff I've been doing to/for my body is a panacea for my new friend, fibromyalgia, I'm finding that the pain continues to come by and hang out for a day or so each week.

The brain confusion lingers, too, and there are some afternoons when the best I can manage are a few games of Tetris. (I wonder if anyone's considered using Tetris as a diagnostic tool.)
This slow realization that I'm dealing with a chronic condition (dur...) and not just a brief excursion into Fibro-Land (it's about 10 miles from Lego-land), has been very difficult for my brain to process.

And very difficult emotionally, too. I feel like I'm supposed to be the strength, the constant, the rock here in the family. But many evenings it's my daughter who brings me tea and my husband-with-cancer who brings me dinner. Okay, every evening he fixes dinner - it's what he does...
Then there's always the chance that I might be using the whole thing as a bit of an excuse for not getting more work done.

Can these all be true? Probably a teeny bit of each of the above points is valid.

Online Class Mention
(avert your eyes)
I'm busy right now managing the three classes I have going on, monitoring the free class I just set up, and creating more.

WAIT - did I say FREE CLASS?

Yes, the class that I offered last week to 20 folks went quite well, so I've opened it up to an unlimited number of class members.

What the class is

FREE
6 Videos
4 Handouts
A chance to go from non-knitter to NEW knitter in 2 weeks (or so...)

What the class is NOT

An advanced Combination Class
A chance to ask me detailed questions about Combination Knitting*
A never-ending online knitting group

*If you want to learn more about Combination Knitting, check out my website and if you're inclined sign up for my Online Combination Class.

To join the class you'll have to click on the button below and go through the check out process, but that's just to keep the whole thing manageable for me.

Click here to add the
FREE knitting class
to your cart

After 2 weeks I'll kick you out of the class unless you ask for more time. I'll be happy to give you as much time as you need, but you'll have to re-ask every 2 weeks (this keeps the class clear of folks who have moved on, but haven't 'left' the class)

I'm working on several new online classes not moving as quickly as I'd like, but when they're ready I'll let you guys know!

Other Knitting
I'm working on a very frustrating, yet very rewarding piece for Interweave Knits. It's worked up in Lion Brand stainles steel & wool yarn - it's the weight of heavy thread - and the knitting can be IMPOSSIBLE in bad light.

The beauty part is that the lacework puts me in mind of the hoarfrost that covered the trees this past week. I know some folks have a knee jerk reaction against cold, but I LOVE living here in Minnesota, it's so beautiful!

So I'm limited to working on this during daylight hours, which is fine with me because it keeps me from obsessing about it deep into the night. The progress is going pretty quickly, but the shape of the piece is a leap of faith so until it's finished and put together I'll be a little anxious about it.

I just finished a crocheted hat for Inside Crochet (a new UK magazine)

I'm in LOVE with this project - it's just the type of hat I adore (a 1930's cloche-esque chapeau which should be worn with a slant over one eye) It's got lots of ribbon embroidery, which I also love. I'm sad to be sending the little fellow off...

HoTN
I haven't done a THING on History On Two Needles for weeks, and the guilt is wracking. I'm committing myself to getting schematics created for TWO pieces by Sunday, with skeleton patterns written so I can send them off to knitters. Yes, I will.

Learn to Knit for Free!

2010-02-11T22:59:00.008-06:00

I'm opening up a free "Learn To Knit" class, but it will be limited to 20 folks.

If you've always wanted to learn, here's your chance knit like the wind!

This is a new class format I want to try out. If it goes well, it will be an ongoing free class that will (hopefully) get more folks knitting like the maniacs I know you can be!

The class will be offered through the Ning network, where I teach my other online classes. It's free to register for Ning, you can do that right before class starts if you're not already a ning member.

Or you could do it now.

CLASS INFO
Here's the nitty gritty:

Class Starts THIS SUNDAY, Feb 14th
Class Ends NEXT SUNDAY, Feb 21th
(Yes I said 28th earlier - evidently I can't count - sorry!)

Yeah, yeah, yeah... I know it's short notice. But you'll have 7 beautiful days with the materials!

I've been asked, "How basic IS this class?" To answer that, I'm offering the first PDF handout and the accompanying video here for you to watch. You'll get a good sense from that on how basic the class is. I think it's pretty darned basic...

There are 5 videos total, this one is an overview, and then each subsequent video deals with the techniques discussed in this overview.

All the materials (videos and pdf files) will be in the online classroom, you'll have 24 hour access during the week of class. I will participate in a live text chat on Thursday at 8pm US Central time, and I may hang around the discussion forums sometimes.

Click on the button below, when 20 folks are in, the class is full and closed!

Okay - GO!

Annie Modesitt
F R E E
How To Knit
1 Week Class

Kiva's Thought for the Day

2010-02-08T21:46:00.001-06:00

"Our lives begin to end
the day we become silent
about things that matter."

� Martin Luther King Jr.

Moving, Birthday and a Rant

2010-02-06T12:08:00.003-06:00

I'm moving my blog over to Word Press. It's going to take a while, I have until March (when Blogger turns off my ability to publish via FTP, the main reason I stick with Blogger) and I'm pretty excited about it.

Two folks whose blogs I love and respect, Margaret Roach and Adria Richards, both use and love Word Press. That's good enough for me! (I love name dropping these two brilliant women, I so respect their work, I feel fortunate to know them both!)

I will miss Blogger - I've been with them since I started in 2002 - but the time has come to take a bit more control of my blog, and I'm happy to do it.

I've been non-blogging because I've been rather ill again this week. Two episodes where a backslide into wheat (one semi-intentional, one absolutely innocently) caught me up and wore me out SO much that I was blindsided by how rotten I felt.

In one way, it's very good. I was able to bounce back rather quickly with some Vitamin D, a LOT of water and some aerobic Wii bicycling. Work that poison (to me) out of my system, baby!

And it also points out to me that my suspicions are valid - the wheat really is one culprit in my muscle and joint aches and my overal malaise/fogginess of brain. I'm also beginning to think that one of the reasons I got so sick around Christmas was the amount of holiday cookies I was digesting.

So I start this week rededicating myself to a wheat-free existence, with a bit more emphasis on eating less sugar, too. We'll see...

That's the main reason I've been so quiet on my blog and in Twitter. It's astounding to me how little I feel like doing when I'm down and out, but there it is!

While all this rolling around in the bed in agony was going on, I was approached by Interweave Knits and IK Crochet to do a project for each, which is wonderful. I love working with them, such a great company!

I'm also working on a flowered cloche for Crochet Insider (the hat CAN be worn outside, too...) and it's more fun that should be legal. Alls I'll say is that I LOVE ribbon embroidery!

The online classes are going beautifully, I've got a LOT of students in my classes this month, and I'm working up a free "How To Knit" class which I thought would be finished by now. More's the pity that it's not, but with any luck I'll have it done by the end of the weekend.

However, when it's done you'll have a place to send your non-knitting friends where they can learn both Western AND basic Combination knitting. Or, in the off chance that you don't knit, you can visit and hone your mad knit chops.

More info when it's ready to go, stay tuned!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY
Gerry turned 51 yesterday and we're pretty stoked. We were going to go to Pizza Luce where I can get a gluten free slice and a gluten free beer, but I was feeling SO under the weather we stayed at home and had some gluten free birthday cake (courtesy of Betty Crocker and Hannah)

I love that ad from the American Cancer Society where they say they're the Official Sponsor of Birthdays. Obviously this really resonates with us - we are VERY lucky.

But the truth remains that with so many Americans uninsured and under-insured, many folks can't get the help they need without going into bankruptcy (and even then getting the correct health care is an iffy proposition.)

RANT
I'm amazed and astounded at how the anti-health care folks who are fighting against a Public Option in DC have been able to paint their position as even slightly humanitarian.

Through fear, a LOT of expensive ads, lobbyists cash to Congress and a successful campaign to polarize the American Congress (if not the American people), they've convinced some naive folks that a majority of citizens is against a public option, but an interesting ABC / Washington Post Poll refutes this.

I'm sick to death of hearing the twin lies that:

1) Insurance Portability Across State Lines Will Save Us and
2) Tort Reform Will Save Us.

The only people these two strategies will help are the insurance companies. They'll be able to charge what they want with very little regulation, and patients won't be able to sue to overturn bad insurance company decisions (usually based on raising profits) which cause severe injury or even death.

Lie #1
The state by state portability issue would allow states with good regulatory laws (like Minnesota and California) to be brought down to the lowest common denominator - to the level of states with BAD consumer protection laws.

Jerry Flanagan, a patient advocate for Santa Monica-based Consumer Watchdog, is quoted in an article in the LA Times, "The insurance companies will all run to Wyoming to issue policies, and Wyoming laws would rule in California."

Think of what's happened to consumers under the thumb of credit card companies who all flocked to states with very bad regulatory laws. 30% interest rates and crushing, hidden "fees" are NOT uncommon. This usurious situation has flourished because the banks issuing the cards are able to base themselves in states which allow these practices.

Lie #2
Right wingers like to use the Bar Association as a whipping boy because - well - everyone has heard some story of folks being screwed by a lawyer. Even Shakespeare wasn't fond of them.

But the deeper reason is that many attorneys actually fight FOR the rights of citizens who are all but powerless against large entites, and this is anathema to the multi-billion dollar corporations.

It can be expensive, but anyone has the right to seek council and sue a company which has caused damage. To take away this right is to further reduce the strength of the average American against the monied large corporations.

Now that Corporations - masquerading as people - have been sanctioned by the Supreme Court to spend unlimited amounts of money in support of political campaigns, my own fear is that more and more Americans will be convinced by expensive ad campaigns to vote against their own best interests.

No one, no group, has the kind of money the corporations control to work against the multi-million dollar ad campaigns that are on their way.

What's the cure? Education and information. Don't take my word for any of this, but don't take anyone else's word for it, either. Use your brain, educate yourself, make yourself informed.

... Just keeps pulling me back...

2010-01-28T08:07:00.003-06:00

We had our Mayo day yesterday for Gerry's Multiple Myeloma check up. Let me just say, Gerry's pretty damned amazing. There was just a slight increase in protein and calcium in his test numbers, but otherwise he remain steady. YAY!

We got a HUGE thumbs up from the docs on our planned trip to Ireland. One of our docs, who's had her own cancer adventure, was positively giddy for us. (Extra bonus - with just a small amount of begging I was complimented for my weight loss.)

The trip just about took it OUT of me entirely, though.

I'd been feeling so hotsy-totsy, feeling SO much better than a month ago, sticking my face up in fibromyalgia's face and staring it down.

However, doing something like our round of tests and doctors visits at Mayo that I've done a dozen times before really highlights how diminished my strength is.

I'm getting stronger, getting better, but realism is a virtue as long as it's married with hope. Days like yesterday keep me honest about the effects of the fibromyalgia on my daily energy and pain levels.

When I got home I was SO exhausted (I do the driving, Gerry's concentration for long periods to drive isn't as good as mine is - we're a real pair!) and dear Hannah, who woman-ed the fort by getting Max up and ready for school (we'd left at 6:30 am), left a sink full of dishes, bowls and pans (she made pancakes for Max) which had to be cleaned up.

It seemed churlish to demand that she clean up the mess, especially when she'd been very responsible and had done exactly what we'd asked. (Besides, as any mom knows, we clean the pots and pans better...)

So a clean up of the dishes, a quick bite for dinner, then to my hour-long chat for the January Online Combo Class, which went beautifully. Sometimes we talk a lot about knitting, sometimes we just build our cohesion as a class, but it's always fun.

Then the Prez's speech (which I feel was exceptional - exactly what we needed to hear, with a masterful amount of push, stroke, admonishment and praise) and then to bed.

My reward? This morning I woke up with a clear idea for a new hat pattern and ideas for some other stuff. I was explaining to Gerry that sometimes taking a break from the designing is so good because then stuff will come to me without being forced. I can't blog about the hat pattern because it's for a magazine, but it's crocheted and will involve embroidered flowers.

Part of today will also be dedicated to creating a FREE online "how to knit" class, covering the basics of knit and purl (from a Western and Combination perspective) AND casting on and binding off.

It will be free for 2 reasons: 1) to get more folks knitting, and 2) to give folks a chance to take one of my online classes and see if it would be right for them.

So stay tuned. If all goes well I may have the class up by the end of the weekend, then those of you whose interest has been piqued can sign up, take the class, and decide if my online style works for you.

And we could always use more knitters, right?

Guilt Has Kept Me Away

2010-01-26T12:30:00.008-06:00

I've been feeling guilty for not blogging more frequently. I hate guilt - useless, numbing, soul-sucking guilt - and it's been doing it's dirty work on my psyche. [idle thought: if you have a really bad psyche, would that be a psuche?]

I've been working on my online classes - no big surprise there - and they're doing REALLY well [I have to admit, I'm a little suprised, happily, that they've been filling up so well!]

ONLINE CLASSES
I've just added a class on making my Universal Mitered Handbag (I'm starting one up in Feb, it's VERY soon, but it will give me a chance to try out a project-class with a smaller group.)

I've also added a self guided Combination Knitting class for folks who don't want to stick to a schedule or don't care for online chats. The self guided class is also $10 cheaper...

Registration for both these new classes and the original Combo class is through my Ning networks. And there's even more information on the classes here.

And, just for fun, here's my overview video from the Universal Mitered Handbag class. Watching it is a great way to find out if my voice or teaching style will make you nuts before you sign up for the class!

And, for even MORE fun, here's a link to a video I made on Blocking with Steam. (The videos are a lot of fun to make, but I really should buy stock in Scunci...)

FIBRO FREEDOM
Every day I'm feeling so much better! It's amazing when I think of how low I was in December (this is when it's good to have to blog, to remind me of how painful it was and how far I've come!)

The acupuncture/massage and chiro have been miraculous in my healing, but the Vitamin D is the big boost. I'm still going gluten free, and I DO feel very good, so I'm thinking no wheat may have something to do with it. As always, thank you so much for your kind wishes and suggestions.

As great as I'm feeling, I still tire very easily. I had lunch with a friend yesterday and it almost wiped me out. Today I went to Target, came home and dyed my hair (another sign I'm feeling better, I've noticed my roots) and I'm just about out for the count.

THIS is when I'm tremendously grateful that I have work I can do in my bed, on my laptop, editing videos for the online classes and writing new patterns. Overall the last few days I've been off; tired and wheezy.

I figure this is all part of the process of working my way out of a fibro flare up. It seems to be a lot like losing weight. Up a little one day, down a bit the next, but at the end of the week if all goes well (and if I pay attention) I'm better off than I was a week earlier.

The hard part is paying attention to the small victories. Remembering how just the thought of driving to Target - let alone walking in and shopping for a half hour - exhausted me completely.

I've said over and over how lucky we are. Through Gerry's union [thank you, IATSE] we've been able to keep our insurance, and in addition to the doctors it covers the non-traditional practitioners I'm seeing for the Fibro.

They're been helping SO much. I can't imagine feeling any better had I stuck to mainstream medicine only. I feel I have a good blend of traditional and non-traditional going on right now.

However, a lot of fibro sufferers don't have this option. Many insurance companies won't cover "new" treatment options (my own insurance won't cover acupuncture for asthma, but they will for fibro - go figure...) We have a long way to go as a nation to marry common sense with medical availability.

So - not in a gloating way - I'm very lucky. Reaching the point where I'd trust acupuncture / massage / chiro so completely wasn't an overnight journey. I think it's easier to travel this route here in Minnesota, where I've noticed a marrying of traditional and non-traditional therapies.

MAYO
Speaking of traditional, we're traveling down to Rochester tomorrow for Gerry's checkup. We missed the last one because of the December blizzard, but the weather looks good for tomorrow so all systems are GO. He's been having more pain than usual, more tiredness, but at the same time he's been energized by his online classes through St. Paul college.

I'm interested in hearing what the doctors say about his current test numbers. And I'll also ask them if they think some Vitamin D might be beneficial to his mood and pain.

Taking The Frozen (sky blue) Waters

2010-01-17T15:15:00.006-06:00

I feel like a partially new woman. Yay!

On Friday I drove up with my friend to her cottage on Lake Ida, where others from our knitting group joined us for some very low-key and loving conversation, wonderful food - just some nice down time.

I didn't do much - well, not much compared to what I would have done a few months ago - but it was MILES more than I've been doing. I carried in bags from the car (yay me!) and when everyone else went cross country skiing I went for a long walk across the lake.

I didn't make it all the way, but Emma the dog and I went pretty far.

Here's a video I shot of the frozen landscape. It's so beautiful - and I was coat-less, just my hat and sweater and was very warm*

Now I'm home after so much relaxation and peace. And also more activity (mental and physical) than I've had in a long time. And EXCELLENT food! I'm almost afraid to hop on the wii...

I'm getting the feeling that rest is a very good idea for the balance of this active day, so this afternoon I'm surrounded by half finished projects from HoTN, finally trying to get some knitting and swatching done that I've put off for many weeks.

I'm firmly planted on my bottom, watching The Heiress and knitting. Who knew the frozen Minnesota waters could be so salubrious?

*yes, and pants and socks and shoes, too. Good grief.

Housewives of MN

2010-01-14T20:58:00.006-06:00

I realized today that I'm living a dream. I watched those silly women on the Real Housewives of Orange County and - even though they wouldn't agree - my life is SO much FULLER than theirs seem to be. They don't have any pretty snow, for one thing...

With all the physical pain of the past few months, the unwanted drama (actually, it's been pretty drama free...) and other life events that have 'enriched' my life in the past few years, I am SO damned lucky.

But yesterday was a hard day physically.

YESTERDAY
I had planned to take my driving test. Then I thought I couldn't. Then I wanted to. Then I didn't want to. You see, I've failed it twice since we moved here from NJ. I allowed myself to psyche myself out. I kept seeing THIS

And Here was my horoscope for yesterday (Mr. Levine, are you watching me...?):

You can't decide whether or not to go ahead with your plans because the pros and cons seem pretty evenly balanced. But even if you finally choose against pushing forward today, you might surprise yourself and suddenly take the next step anyhow. Be careful; if you make a false start, you may just have to begin anew next week.

And damned if I didn't drive to Eagan, take the test, and score 100%!

But damn if I also didn't forget my 2 forms if ID... So back home I drove, picked up my passport, then returned and waited in line AGAIN.

The drive(s) to Eagan, the waiting in line(s), the test itself, it all just exhausted me.

When I got in the car to drive home I realized how tired I was. Across the street was a movie theater, so I figured I'd see ANYTHING just to sit down for an hour or two.

Happily, I saw most of The Young Victoria - it was lovely. I'm afraid I didn't like the bonnets as much as I'd hoped, but the dresses and men's clothing were brilliant. Sandy Powell continues to be my heroine. I am proud to have worked with her once upon a time (I knitted a sweater for Dennis Quaid for Far From Heaven back in 2002, she was the designer.)

Then I drove home and rolled into a little, tiny ball and wept in pain until I slept. A rich and full day. And that's the price we pay for 100% scores on driving tests in Minnesota.

TODAY
I started the day with a wonderful session with my acupuncturist at Crocus Hill Acupuncture.

The woman is a genius. She cupped me - which my father-in-law would call toten bahnks - and oddly enough much of the continuing pain in my shoulders and neck was beautifully reduced. Huzzah!

Before I left, she put little 'beads' on points in my ears, stuck with clear plastic, so I can self-pressure -point myself to help with my breathing (she said one client kept them on for a month!) AND my breathing is so much better today.

Then home to work a bit - polishing up videos for my next online class, The Mitered Handbag - and then continuing my day of leisure for a massage in the afternoon.

Several years ago I got a pretty 'severe' haircut at a local salon. To apologize, the manager gave me a gift certificate for a massage, but their massage guy left soon after. The gift certificate sat unused for 3 years.

When I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia this past Christmas I dug up the certificate, saw that it had NO expiration date, and was gratified to learn that they now have TWO massage therapists on staff!

Let me tell you, aside from a massage I got from a friend in Colorado a few years ago (my first - thanks Ruth!) this was the BEST I'd ever had.

This, joined with the acupuncture, created the PERFECT day for a woman with Fibro!

TOMORROW
I miss travel. I don't miss the pain, the exhaustion, and I don't miss missing my family (what a dream it is to be able to hug them, kiss them, whenever I want...)

But I miss being on the road, and I miss seeing friends. So guess what Mr. Levine had to say to me TODAY?

You may be frustrated by the lack of fun in your life now. Even if you have attempted to make time for some pleasure, it's been hard to make much progress these last couple of weeks. Don't lose faith; things are going to loosen up very soon. In the meantime, try to get your ducks in a row so you are ready to fly when given clearance for takeoff.

My local knitting group is going away for the weekend, women who are good enough friends that I can just sit on the sofa and rest - they'll let me be a piece of broccoli and stare out the window. But it will be insanely good to be with friends all weekend. I miss seeing friends.

I'm going up tomorrow, back on Sunday, and I'm taking my gluten free snacks with me.

Successful Lace Knitting

2010-01-13T07:00:00.001-06:00

Today I'm participating in Donna Druchunas's blog tour to give you a sneak peek of her new book, Successful Lace Knitting, which includes one of my designs, and to let you know about some other exciting things Donna will be doing in 2010. Enjoy!

Dorothy Reade was an expert knitter, spinner, and designer who was a publishing knitting patterns at the same time as Barbara Walker, Elizabeth Zimmerman, and Mary Walker Phillips. In fact, some of her original lace stitches are included in Barbara Walker's Treasuries.

Anyone who knows me or my knitting knows that I love lace - but the dirty little secret is that I used to HATE lace. I couldn't do it, couldn't make sense of the written patterns, and sort of gave up on lace. Then I saw a book about lace charts by Susannah Lewis, and I was in love.

Dorothy Reade was charting lace patterns long before they were part of the mainstream. Folks who appreciate lace knitting owe her a great deal for her furtherance and refining of the craft.

The focus of Donna's book are the charts that Dorothy worked up, interpreted by many designers in various ways. My own design in the book is based on a floral Lace chart. I took the motif and refined it further into a colorwork pattern, then blended the two into a soft & warm, easy to wear Wimple.

I chose Artyarns Silk Rhapsody because I knew it would work well with both the lace portions of the wimple and the colorwork areas, too. The mohair is a lovely choice for the lace portions, and the silk/mohair blend 'fills in' very nicely to create a rich colorwork fabric at either edge of the finished piece, and to give the piece weight to frame the face and neckline.

I'm SO looking forward to seeing all of the other projects in the book - it looks fascinating!

Are You Watching Me, Rick Levine?

2010-01-11T22:37:00.005-06:00

Okay. Rick Levine, you can be honest with me. Are you reading my blog then coming up with Twittascopes that match what's going on in my life?

Come clean, Mr. Levine!

Case in point - here's my Twittascope for today:

It's challenging today to know when to stop, especially if you fall into an enjoyable groove while getting things done.

Others might even think you're a workaholic, while the truth is that you're just having fun. Nevertheless, you can overdo it now and ruin a good thing.

low down or you could be exhausted by tomorrow.

When did I read it? At 10:40 pm, sitting in bed where I've been most of the day working on videos and promotion for the Online Knit Classes, and I realize that it's time to sleep. Yes, Rick, I hear and I obey...

I can see how easy it would be to fall into the bad habit of pushing hard on good Fibro days, then paying for it for the next 2 days.

Today I sent out my monthly newsletter, sent a blast out to my Online Knitting Class network and completed another video for the Universal Mitered Bag class. A few months ago that would have been a morning's work.

But today it took me many hours, and I'm exhausted. The fact that I did most of it from my bed makes it easier, but it astounds me how tired I get now after a few hours of concentrated mind work.

The good news is that the Vitamin D is working well, I'm sleeping a bit better (yay!) and right now the pain is pretty much centered in my upper back/neck. Yeah, baby, I know why you come here...

So, quickly before I slip off to slumberland, here's the news:

February Combination Online Classes
are
SOLD OUT!

But March & April are open, baby!

Because of my Summer schedule, I won't be offering the Combination class in May, June, August or September. So if you miss March or April you'll have to catch me in July or wait until October.
I'm just sayin'...

Here's what a current student says about the January class:

"I've been playing around with your videos this morning and I finally learned how to cable without a cable needle. Thank you!! I am thrilled. The only problem with not being in a class is nobody is around to see me do a happy dance!"

The four week class consists of 17 videos, many pdf handouts, and 2 mp3 lectures. During the FULL MONTH of your class you will have 24-hour access to all the class materials at our private Combination Class Network, as well as 2 live text chats per week.

See the full Syllabus here
Watch an informational video here

And here's the MOST excellent news:

I've lowered the price for
ALL of the Combination classes to $50.

And further,
since YOU'RE reading my blog (and since I like you...)
YOU can use the discount code "blog"
and get 10% off of the already reduced price!*

Visit http://www.anniemodesitt.com/onlineclasses,
to register using Paypal or any major credit card.

*Yes, a similar offer was made to my Online class network and in also my newsletter, but I like YOU the best...

Good Days / Bad Days

2010-01-07T08:55:00.004-06:00

So I'm about 2 weeks into this Fibro thing, and this current flare up is a bit of a roller coaster. The days seem so long, the past 2 weeks feels like 2 months. I get SO happy when it seems the pain has subsided, only to become crushed when it comes back.

This is something I need to get a handle on, I need to work through. From what I've read, just IS an up-and-down road, but mentally coming to terms with this is almost as hard as physically coming to terms.

I see myself as a Warner Bros. cartoon character, just waiting for the anvil of Fibro to fall. Okay, that's a little dramatic. Sorry.

Yesterday I had a massage (I bought a gift card last year, 3 massages for the price of 2!) and had an adjustment right after (the massage therapist works through my chiro's office)

I hurt. Sleep has been hard the past 2 nights, and I can REALLY feel the lack of it in my shoulders and joints.

The night-before-last the pain was so bad that I was incoherent when I woke up, and I missed the online chat I'd set up with my Combination class students. Bad teacher...

The students were very nice about it, but I felt like doggy doo.

Oy. I think I'll just rename this blog, "Come and hear Annie whine..."

However, getting out yesterday felt very good. I don't get out much now, but it was nice to see the 'hood, to visit Target (I had to buy some gluten free flour and earbuds) and feel a little bit alive.

Yay, alive!

And I got a small virtuous internal squee when I told my chiro that I'd been taking Vitamin D and cutting out wheat, and he got a very, "That's impressive..." look on his face. I rarely get that look.

So today my job is to edit a few videos, shoot a new one for the Combination class (on binding off, how exciting!) and create a few pdf files from existing videos. And I'll do it all from my bed with a heating pad slung around my shoulders.

And, if you're in the Twin Cities and you can refer a good cleaning person, I'm in the market for that. I can't clean - when I try I hurt and I become insanely winded. Gerry does his best, but he's not that far ahead of me in the pain department. Hannah's a great kid, but she's 13 and Max is 11.

The result? Our house is making me CRAZY. I do NOT want to end up on some basic-cable clean-your-damned-house show.

REMISS
I have had TWO spectacular yarns in my hot little hands since this SUMMER and I have not blogged about them. I am remiss in this, it's wrong of me, because I LOVE them so much!

I also just received a box of BRAND NEW yarn line with some economical, interesting products which have an incredible palette.

I will now attempt to make up for my lack of gushiness (I felt it, I just didn't blog it..)

FYBERSPATES SCRUMPTIOUS
I first used this for a sweater I'd made for Yarn Forward in the UK. Customs mishaps ended up keeping the sweater out of the magazine (and costing me $70) and it's STILL looking for a home. Pattern written, ready to go, I just have lacked the energy to put it together and post it.

This yarn, though, is wonderful! It's not tightly spun, so it can be a little breaky/pilly if you don't treat it with a firm but gentle hand, but the results are WORTH the effort.

Supersoft luxurious Dk and chunky scrumptious which lives up to its name, with 45% silk, and 55% wool, this yarn is warm and shiny, a must for special knitting, and the solids shows cables spectacularly.

While in Shropshire this summer I scammed some from Jennie, the Fyberspates Queen, in a most beautiful gray color (charcoal) which I was going to use to knit Gerry a sweater. That hasn't happened, but it WILL. Yes, it will. Yes. It. Will.

In addition to being a lovely yarn that feels great in the hand and makes a beautiful fabric, it's one of the few yarns my son just LOVES to roll into balls. Sometimes he can balk when I ask him, but he was happy to roll this up for me. Hmmmm, maybe I should knit HIM a sweater...

BTW, here's Jennie's current SALE page - it's worth a look!!

GREAT NORTHERN MINK YARN
I've had a few "manly" colors of this yarn for MONTHS and I keep promising the company that I'll work something up with it!

Well, I finally am! While I've been laid up I have a lovely black and tan hat pattern that I'm working up for Gerry. If it's good, I'll offer it in some way, but right now it's just something to keep my hubby's head warm.

This yarn is spectacular. And - bonus (especially for the minks) - no minks are harmed in the manufacture of this yarn.

This yarn is direct from the producer, not available through yarn shops, which keeps the price reasonable. They have a mitten kit for $24, which seems like a steal to me!

At the time I got the yarn, only natural colors were available. Beautiful jewel tone colors have been added to the original hues, though, and they're stunning!

So between taping the new "how-to" video and editing today, I'll be doing some more work on that MINK hat for Gerry (his grandfather used to be a furrier in the garment district in NYC, he was born to it!)

And he can use it - it's supposed to be -15F today (with the wind chill...) so I'd better get it done fast!

Making a Friend of Pain

2010-01-02T12:40:00.004-06:00

This can be a very enjoyable day even if there isn't very much going on. The simplest tasks can bring you great pleasure today, so don't go out of your way trying to make something special happen. Just settle in for some well-deserved rest and relaxation. Don't worry; your life will get busy again soon enough.

Am I going to start EVERY blog post with my Twitterscope? Maybe.

Am I reaching for things that will make me feel there is more shape to my days than it seems right now? Probably.

But I like this horoscope, and it fits well with what I need right now. We were going to take Max skiing today, and take our little cat in to have her stitches removed.

However, the high today is supposed be between -5 and 0, so skiing is out. And the vet center is closed today for the holiday so no cat trip. That's FINE with me! I'm currently in bed.

I think after the Fibromyalgia diagnosis (which I still feel odd about... can't quite explain) I was hoping that the pain would magically diminish.

That didn't happen. I've been wheat free (-ish) for about a week, taking my vitamin D, sleeping as much as I can but also doing yoga with the Wii at least once a day.

The pain remains. In some ways it's worse, the pain across my back and up either side of my neck is so bad that I can't turn my head very well. My knees and shoulders are burning with pain.

I'm seeing my chiro and the massage therapist in his office on Wednesday, and my accupuncturist the following Wednesday. I am EXTREMELY fortunate to have health insurance that covers this (they won't cover accupuncture for asthma, but they WILL for pain!)

I've also been reading about a lot of stuff the Mayo is doing on Fibromyalgia. The next time I see the rhematologist (to hear the test results from my blood work on Christmas eve) I'm going to try to get a referral to the Mayo.

I'm on the hunt for ways to make my pain less of an adversary and more of an un-welcomed friend. A friend who, despite the annoyance, sometimes brings some good stuff (wisdom? patience? perspective?)

Well, THAT'S the mental exercise for this week. We'll see how that goes!

REST AND WORK
I'm very lucky that my work can be done while sitting in bed. Whether I'm knitting, working on class materials or writing, I can do it in a semi-reclined position (why is this night different from all others?)

So I'm plugging along, sleeping a lot during the day but trying to focus. Focus is hard - my mind wanders, I forget stuff. I've been this way for a LONG time, but I had chalked that up to my hysterectomy.

It's worse now. Stupid things like Gerry telling me he'd fed the pets at 8:30, and me asking Max to feed them at 9:30. My ability on the phone is worse than ever, and I'm beginning to think that my inability to remember things said on the phone, my strong desire to NOT use the phone, may have been a symptom of this FM which has been increasing in severity.

I had an episode while living in NJ where I could hardly move out of my chair (my working chair) for over a month. I had pain, but my breathing was also very bad, so I figured it was all tied up with the asthma. Now I wonder.

I watched a show where folks were building a cat play room for an animal shelter, and I thought, "I wonder if I'll ever have the energy to engage in something like that again..." I know I sound self pitying, I apologize for that, but I think I'm at the low point where the diagnosis is just reaching me and the pain is still hard.

That period when you seriously wonder if your body will ever feel better.

I know it will. I just have to keep believing that.

Soon I'll be able to bike again, and in the mean time I have the Wii to keep me moving at least a few minutes a day!

I really miss seeing people, though. Leaving the house is SO exhausting, SO full of pain. Oh, wah wah wah.

ONLINE CLASSES
I started my online classes this week, it's SO exciting! I had intended to make a "Welcome to class!" video but I'm just so exhausted, and look so bad (dark circles, shadows on my face, I just look "in pain") that I thought it would be more frightening than welcoming!

But even without that extra special Welcome Video, it seems that folks are taking care of themselves; logging on, checking out the materials, doing their swatches and having a good time.

If you're interested, here's the syllabus for the class, and here's a link to read more about it. They'll give you an idea of what the Combination Class entails.

I'm really excited for the text chat tomorrow, to see what folks want to talk about!

Rethinking due to Reassessment...

2009-12-29T10:32:00.004-06:00

Here's my Twitterscope for today:

You may need to reconsider a decision that you made recently, especially if you weren't being realistic about your abilities. Your expectations might have been exaggerated because you were looking at the world through rose-colored glasses, but now you are beginning to see things in their proper light. Although you could be a bit discouraged today, the situation will likely work out beneficially in the long run.

Ironically, I saw that after I'd had a good heart to heart with myself about my ability to finish History On Two Needles on my own. I don't know if I can do it, given my diminished energy and my new diagnosis of Fibromyalgia.

The book WILL get done, but I have to face the fact that things are different now - at least for the short run. I've been beating myself up for not getting more done on the book, but when I look at the last 6 months I realize just HOW MUCH I've been in pain, how difficult life has been, and how I'd been avoiding seeing that.

Barrelling through IS a good strategy, but it doesn't work forever.

So now that I've been sidelined, seriously, I need to reconsider how I'm going to go about publishing this book. I think I'll contact publishers I've wanted to work with for a while and see if they have any interest. I've already done the research, and most of the patterns are written and finished garments are ready to be photographed. I just cannot see myself arranging that as I thought I could a year ago.

I can't tell you guys how sad this makes me. But to have the book not see the light of day would make me much sadder. So, we pick the level of our sadness, I guess, and we pick our battles.

I think the Trazodone has been helping my sleeping. I don't think I'd realized that my sleep WAS being interrupted by pain, but it had been. I have half-awake remembrances of rolling one way and finding it agonizing, then rolling the other and finding THAT agonizing, too.

I've also been waking up between 5 - 7 every morning. Nothing wrong with that, but I'd been going to sleep later and later. Laying in bed felt good because I was tired, but it HURT to be in one position for very long. The Trazodone is helping me go to sleep at 11 and sleep, FULLY, until I wake up at 8 or so. Very late for me.

I guess that's what vacations are for!

ONLINE CLASSES
And - irony of ironies - how brilliant that this is all coming to a head right when my first online class is about to start. It's a beautiful thing, to be able to teach and not have to drive, carry bags (the hardest thing for me) walk up stairs, carry bags up stairs.

It's nice to not have to unpack all my stuff, dance around a classroom to act out Stitch Theater, move from student to student bending over and looking at work (I'd been doing more "gather 'round me, students!" moments) and then packing everything up, carrying it out to the car and driving home. It's good to not have to do that.

What's been hard is finding a day when I look halfway like myself to make videos. I look at myself in the mirror and I hardly recognize myself. I look very old, very wrinkled, very tired.

So I brush my hair and put on makeup and I feel better. And today I WILL make several videos and thus be finished with the pre-recorded portion of the Combination Knitting Class.

I'm blown away by the fact that the January Combination Knitting class is sold out, and February is one space away from being sold out. I'm contemplating adding a second section to February, there's no reason why I can't, but I want to get an idea of how much email / chat I'll be fielding on a week to week basis before I make that commitment. I'll decide by mid Jan.

In the mean time I'm making a few samples for a new class, the Universal Mitered Handbag, and I cannot WAIT to get going with that class! I'm thinking hard about how best to feature a project class, how much can I expect from the students when we don't have the 3-hour time constraint. This new way of working out classes is fascinating!

CRAZY LACE
Something else that's fascinating is a new book I was just sent! Myra Wood's new book, Crazy Lace, is just lovely! It's well photographed, laid out in an easy-to-read manner, and has a lot of useful images to help a knitter through the concept of creating your own lace.

I really like the "go for it!" attitude it has about lace, that you should approach it fearlessly, with a bit of a 'go to hell' attitude about making sure everything is perfectly symmetrical. I think this will free up a lot of folks to begin to play with their lace.

It's through this kind of play that we become the knitters we want to be - folks who don't lose themselves in their knitting often have a hard time finding themselves in their knitting, too.

One thing that I thought was odd was Mrya's use of the left leaning triple decrease in all the patterns. I think it would have been helpful to introduce the concept of a centered (or vertical) double decrease, which can add such a dramatic effect. And, like many books, this one works on the assumption that every knitter is a Western knitter (all decreases are described as if all stitches were seated on the needle in a Western fashion)

It's understandable, but I keep hoping that as wonderful books are being independently published, the concept of a universal knitting pattern style will begin to take hold (describing decreases as left and right leaning - k2togL and k2togR - instead of using the terms SSK and K2tog, which only apply to Western knitters.)

One thing I really liked was the encouragement to BLOCK. I'm often surprised when I meet an excellent knitter in a class, someone who obviously knows all the ins and outs of creating beautiful knit fabric, but is wearing a garment that COULD be really stellar if only it were blocked.

When I mention blocking in class, often this same student will shake their head and say, "I never block!" Such a waste - to be SO close to an amazing garment and falter in the last few yards.

Blocking is easy. You don't have to wet down your garment, you can use steam to block just about anything (I use it for EVERYTHING except mostly acrylic fibers, which can stretch out) and the results of blocking are so easy to see, it feels like you've just performed a miracle. This is especially true in lace knitting, when the increases and decreases need to be opened up as only blocking can do.

If folks who read Crazy Lace start blocking more, it will be a wonderful thing for all knitting in general!

FAMILY TREE
I've discovered Ancestry.com and it's a real work stopper. Fortunately I can't afford the $155 for the whole year, so I'll be out before my 14 day free trial is over. But I'm enjoying it right now!

Here's one branch of my father's family that I've been looking up. Is it true? Who knows.

Click for larger version

This does, though, give a good amount of information so I can begin using other resources to verify what I've found. I know the connection to the Cunninghams is solid (we used to go to the Modesitt/Cunningham reunion when I was a kid) and the walk back from Cunninghams to Scotland seems pretty firm. Maybe this is why I felt so at home in Scotland this past Summer?

Fibromyalgia

2009-12-24T18:10:00.002-06:00

Apparently that's what I have.

We arrived at the Rheumatologists office this morning - Christmas Eve - and he dismissed Lyme immediately. He explained to us that my primary doctor had requested a Western Blot which was negative for Lyme.

I hadn't known this, and my mind was so wrapped around getting a diagnosis of Lyme that he sort of took the wind out of my sails.

We talked for a bit, he'd my history for a few days, and my medical records from my primary doc. He did a pressure point test, pressing against my neck and arms and legs, much more painful than I would have expected. I guess that's what he was looking for...

Because then he told me that, given my history and the test results, he felt I have Fybromyalgia.

I have a friend in NJ who was diagnosed with this back in the late 90's, so I'm aware not only of the pain and exhaustion, but of the mental stress from folks who don't believe it's really an illness.

So now I have a diagnosis. And I'm sadder than I thought I would be. For the past few years I've been eating well, exercising regularly, just being all around generally very healthy, but I've been so exhausted all the time, too.

The doctor wants to start me on Trazodone to help me sleep. Lack of sleep, because of the pain, has been a bit of a problem. I'm supposed to start with a very small dose, so we'll see how it does.

I had thought this pain and exhaustion I was feeling was just a reaction to Gerry's illness, Jan's death, etc., but I think deep down I knew that there was something wrong with a knitting teacher who wore out after 4 hours of teaching. And I had to admit that knitting more than an hour or so wiped me out, which should NOT be the case.

Sometimes I would feel so useless - I'd be in the middle of cooking something, or cleaning the house, and I'd have to stop and go lay down because I was so tired. I think that's why I like bike riding so much - I can pedal, then I can coast...

These past 8 weeks have proven to me that there really has been something - something not good - going on with my body. And now it has a name. Fibromyalgia.

The doctor ordered some further blood tests to narrow down some of my other symptoms, so we headed over to St. Jo's for to get blood drawn and then headed home.

I slept all afternoon.

But it's still Christmas Eve!
The presents are wrapped and under the tree (right next to the Menorah) But I'm the most excited about a gift we got for Hannah.

Hannah astounded us this summer by keeping a hula hoop going for quite a long time at a friend's house, and we've been looking for some solitary, fun, slightly kooky thing for her to enjoy in the winter. I showed her a hooping site and I think she's hooked.

But hoops are pricey, so I wondered if there was a cheaper alternative...

I found this site by Jason Strauss where it explains how to make a hoop - hooray!

So Hannah - who is handy - will be getting all the components (tube, joiners, electrical tape) along with the instructions tomorrow morning when she wakes up, all tied up in a big, red bow. I hope she's as psyched by it as I think she will be!

Registration for Online Classes is LIVE!This post is late due to a publishing problem

2009-12-22T23:17:00.008-06:00

The Combination Knitting classes I'll be offering over at the Ning.com site are coming together very nicely. I've got some great videos, some good hand outs and I'm working on a few mp3 lectures so folks who take the class can have some mobility while they learn.

If you're interested in registering you can visit http://www.anniemodesitt.com/onlineclasses to sign up for ~~Jan~~ [sold out], Feb [almost sold out] or March classes (1 class per month)

If you register by Jan 1 you can sign up for the February and March classes for $50 also (use code "introfeb" or "intromarch") After Jan 1 the Feb and March classes revert to $65 for the month-long class.

I hope to "see" you in class - I'm so excited about this whole thing! Especially the chance to share my passion and knowledge without taxing my limited energy or putting undue pressure on my family.

Thanks, everyone, for "walking" me through this process of getting the classes together!

And Happy Solstice! It's lighter every day from now on!

Working in Bed

2009-12-18T11:00:00.002-06:00

Perhaps knitting is the 4th oldest profession? At any rate, it's nice to have a job that I can do while I'm laid up with this - well - whatever it is.

Lupus - test negative
Mono - test negative
Lyme - test very slight positive*
H1N1 - test negative

I swear, I've had everything but a pregnancy test. Now I'm waiting for my Christmas Eve appt with a Rheumatologists (my first ever) and may just get a handle on what ails me. I love the whole Tiny Tim pathos, I hope it's snowing when I go, and that there are carrollers. I may carry Gerry in on my shoulder...

Here I am, for the 4th week in a row, with my swollen glands so painful I can barely swallow (tonsils out at age 13, it's not that) and my joints aching and creaky. I'm either feverish, or chilled, or my skin hurts.

Yesterday I stayed in bed all day, didn't leave once except to go downstairs and say 'Hi!' to the family. I missed Max's band concert (they're doing it again on Tuesday) and - perhaps because of the rest - the onset of my evening's fever was delayed until 7:00 from it's usual 5:00 arrival.

A very good friend took the kids out last night to do their holiday shopping, it was SO lovely of her, and when she brought them home we were able to do a bit of sitting and knitting for a half hour or so. I hadn't realized how much I missed in person contact - well, someone besides Gerry and the kids - and it was a lovely evening. And my fever had passed by then - yay!

Today I'm taking the day off of getting my online classes together to work on a scarf for Hannah for Christmas. I want to finish this up and try to get something made up for Max and Gerry, too.

But first, to sleep a bit...

My Troubled Teen Years

2009-12-15T07:16:00.004-06:00

I don't write about this very often, seldom quite so honestly, although I allude to my checkered teen past every now and then

But I have a reason for the following reflections on my troubled teen years.

Be warned: The following reads like a bad Linda Blair 1970's TV special.

My dad was an exceptional person. Handsome, charming, really quite brilliant. My mother worshiped him (her words) and never married after he died because - in her eyes - no one could live up to him.

But, as with many gifted souls, he had a dark side that was terrifying.

My dad had a temper that was legendary. He'd been the victim of child abuse.

In his family they called it 'good parenting.' The family stories of what his own father did to his kids would curl your hair.

I guess in light of that, his own parenting style was an improvement on what he had grown up with. Every generation strives in their own way.

Unfortunately, he would unleash his temper on my brother and me - mostly at me. Now I can see that my poor brother, yearning for the male bonding and positive reinforcement of his dad, had no choice but to act as a sort of 'assistant' (henchman, in my young mind) to dad's cruelty. But at the time I grew to hate them both.

Later, when we were in our 20's, Jimmy fell in love with a woman who'd also suffered physical abuse from her father, he began to sincerely regret his role in my pain. He called one night and after a very, very long phone call we began to put the poison of our raising behind us and move into a new place as siblings. I will always be grateful to his wife for that enlightment.

Dad's abuse was both physical and mental/emotional. During this time his own health was failing (heart disease, diabetes, etc.) and his business failed (he had the first US patent on a single-person hovercraft in the US, but was NOT a businessman.)

This made him angry, resentful, dangerous - and on the prowl for a target.

My own snappy, surly-teen personality was a bullseye. I was constantly in his sights, and he fired often. I had more spine than sense, but in retrospect I believe it was my ability to fight - my instinct for survival - back that kept me sane, and kept me alive.

I won't go into the list of physical abuses, worst among them a broken wrist and broken tooth (both with the assistance of my brother) The worst emotional abuse was a constant, water-on-a-stone recitation of my faults as a female member of the human race.

I was told many times a day that I was" ugly", "stupid", "fat", "mean", "a terrible daughter" and a "slut".

I still can't figure out that last one, except this really had NOTHING to do with me, and everything to do with my father's twisted, pained brain.

Unfortunately, the stereo back beat to my father's sad tune were the taunts of school bullies, "Big Red", "Moose"
But that's a different story for a different day.

I escaped into school. I joined the orchestra that practiced at 7:00 am, and I worked on plays so I could stay at the school painting sets until dinner. The less time at home, the safer I felt.

When I was 14 an opportunity to get out of this painful situation presented itself.

My friend, Heidi, was running away - so I left with her. We fell in with some Jesus-freaks-in-a-van where my Free Methodist childhood of bible verse drills paid off big time. I was lucky - being part of a group who fed and respected me was light years better than most run-aways have it. I was gone a little over a month.

I returned home when I learned that a favorite uncle had died of cancer, and I missed my mom. But I retained that sense of freedom I'd developed on the road. It sustained me when life as the child of a tortured bully became too much.

My father died on January 6, 1978 - my last year in high school. I'd like to be able to say I was sad when he died, but it was one of the greatest reliefs of my young life.

At the end of her life my mother and I were finally able to come to terms about the rift my father had caused in our relationship. Her apology for not defending me was long in coming, and ultimately not really necessary. She was torn between her kids, who were growing up fast, and her husband, who was declining even faster.

WHY am I going into this in such detail today? Because there are a lot of kids in similar situations to my own, who are not willing or able to return home. Runaways, who become victims of gangs and thugs and pimps, inhabit every city.

A local organization here in the Twin Cities specializes in caring for these forgotten teens. It's called "The Bridge" and they could use support. A good friend told me about the work they do, and it's impressive.

If you are looking for a worthwhile, very deserving charity to fund this holiday (pre-tax) season, please consider the Bridge. Or look for a similar organization in your own town. Those of us who suffered abuse, who were runaways, we may not be very vocal about our pasts - perhaps because not many of us fought our way out of our situations.

I haven't heard from Heidi for many, many years; I think of her often.

Happy Festival of Latkes!

2009-12-11T15:33:00.005-06:00

It's a low-key Hanukkah here chez Landy this year.

I can't get rid of this crud, Gerry's laying low, but that's no reason not to make it happy for the kinder!

I'll be moistening the dehydrated grated potatoes (they're actually pretty good) and forming some latkes, I'll be making a shortcut version of my hanukkah cookie (with slice and bake dough.)

And, yes, we'll decorate the Christmas Tree tonight.

In the window. So the lightning bolt can hit us directly.

It's traditional at Hanukkah to play dreidle, a game where you spin a top and bet on the outcome. Usually raisins, nuts, or gelt (chocolate coins) are used in the betting, but I ordered these from the US mint as a fun first-night gift for the kids.

The kid will getting their allowances for this month in "gelt" - Thomas Jefferson $1 coins - and that's pretty darned cool! (Who knew Jefferson was Jewish? I thought he was a diest!)

You can order them in $25 rolls, no shipping costs, so I figured, "Why not?"

Playing dreidle will be a heck of a lot more exciting this year!

You know what else I'm doing? Getting my online class ready to GO!

I've set my deadline, I'll be taking registrations as of Dec 23, and I'm limiting the class to 15 students, and if you go to ning and join the free information network, you just may find a little discount hiding somewhere for you...

Here's a promo video I worked up to explain the class, and also to give folks a good heads up on what they'd be watching when they tune into the Annie Channel

Be warned...

join the free Ning network for more information

I am embarrassed when I'm ill...

2009-12-08T16:33:00.005-06:00

...and I'm ashamed to admit it.

It's been a full month of this flu-cold-whatever I've had, and I'd give a small fortune to SMELL SOMETHING.

Which reminds me of my favorite joke of all time

How do I smell? Who knows - I certainly can't tell...

I hate being sick, I hate feeling like I may have done something wrong to get sick (this is a constant fat-girl worry - that someone will say that anything bad that happens to us is because we're not thin.)

I imagine myself going to go to the doctor and hearing, "You have a hangnail. If only you had lost some weight this wouldn't be a problem..."

Which is absurd, but the whole judgemental thing gets a little crazed when one has had a sore throat for a solid month.

The throat has gotten REALLY bad this week (I'm a soup and tea girl), but the tests for RA, Lyme & Mono are all negative. I was actually SO disappointed that the mono test was negative, I feel certain that's what my body is telling me it has.

Full disclosure: I had Lyme really bad back in 1991/2, it took forever for me to get over it. My Lyme titer is at 9.5, because I've had it, but that's not high enough to mean I'm having a flare up.

The physician assistant told me they'd make an appt. for me with a specialist (Rheumatologist) but the soonest I can get in is Jan 11, if I want to see the person my doctor wants me to see, it will be Feb 1.

Wow, good thing we don't have that horrible Canadian system, I might have to wait a full 2 weeks for an appointment.
That was sarcasm.

Sitting up hurts, laying down hurts, but mostly in the evenings. During the day I'm actually pretty good (definitely under the weather, but it only feels like a bad cold)

When it gets to be 5:00 my fever goes up, the aches expand, and my ears ring like a dinner bell. What are we having? Soup.

Good heavens, could I WHINE any more?

And I'm not even the sick one! Gerry's been having pretty rough pain, it kept him in bed all day yesterday (with 2 cats and a dog for company.) He's been doing some work in the basement, fiddly stuff, but stuff that needs to be done, and he's been overdoing it.

We had to cancel our trip to the Mayo tomorrow for MM testing due to the blizzard warning. It's a shame because we're both a bit anxious to see what his M spike is doing right now.

I'm trying to use the down time to work on my Online classes, to get 2 projects set up for knitters and to write some patterns. I'm succeeding - partially.

Even though I'm starting with a class I've taught dozens (hundreds?) of times, putting it into a format that is clear in an online setup is a mind twist. I've made several more videos, my plan is to have a handout, video and lecture for every part of the class, more for some parts, less for others, and divide the class into 4 parts which the student can run through at their leisure.

One of the hard things when teaching an in-person class is dealing with the different rhythms of the students. I'm hoping this online class thing will help combat that by allowing everyone to work at their own pace, and offer questions in the discussion forum (and perhaps answer some by other students) as they arise.

Each person learns in different ways, so I'm trying to address that with the videos by demonstrating, using artwork where appropriate, writing the instructions AND voicing them. That way folks who learn by hearing, or reading, or seeing can all benefit from the video.

Here's a syllabus - in process - that I'm working on for the Online Combination Class.
I keep telling myself that a technological class like Combo Knitting will actually be more difficult to put together than a project class.

Part 1 - The Nuts & Bolts
I'll give you an overview of the three main knitting styles (Western, Eastern, and a variation which I'm calling Combination Knitting) and my theory of the worldwide spread of these styles.

I'll talk about whether you're a Right handed (English) or Left handed (Continental) knitter, why it really doesn't matter, and give you a tip to help you create better tension no matter HOW you hold your yarn.

Part I Source Material:
Lectures [Geography of Knit]
Videos [Geography of Knit, Setting Tension, Western Knit , Combo Knit, ]
PDF Handouts [Combo Knitting ]

Part I Practice: Student work will consist of listening to the lectures, watching the videos and reading the handouts. No practical student work is done in this portion of the class.

Part II - How Do YOU Knit?
We'll determine our own knitting styles (Western, Combination, some other variation) and examine how we form our stitches.

This will mean you'll have to watch the Western and Combination videos, knit a little bit, then determine what it is you're currently doing. (Mainly I want to know if you normally purl by wrapping clockwise or counter clockwise.)

Then we'll practice the Combination, (Eastern) Purl, followed by a row of Combination, knit to create Combination, Stockinette Stitch.

After working up a swatch of Combo Knitting, we'll discuss the pros and cons of Combination, and whether it will be an answer to your knitting prayers, or an insidious plot to force you to doubt your knitting chops. Hint: Both are pretty great outcomes, trust me...

We'll finish this part of the class with some Combination Ribbing and I'll discuss why this may be some of the nicest ribbing you've ever created. (And I'll explain how it is that I work my ribbing in the dark.)

Part II Source Material:
Lectures [Happy Stitches]
Videos [Stitch Orientation , Happy Stitches, Wrapping HOW?]
PDF Handouts []

Part II Practice: Student work will consist of working up a swatch of Stockinette Stitch in your own style, then continuing with Combination Knitting and a bit of Combination Ribbing.

Part III - How To Fit Into a Standard Knitting World
We'll discuss pattern terminology, and when is the best time to use - or eschew - Combination Knitting.

I'll give you full translations of what the magazines and books mean when they tell you to K1tbl or K2tog, and help you understand that it makes NO DIFFERENCE which way your stitches are seated, as long as you knit them so they're happy.

Part III Source Material:
Lectures [Standardization & Art]
Videos [ ]
PDF Handouts [Translation Cheat Sheet]

Part III Practice: Student work will consist of listening to the lectures, watching the videos and reading the handouts. No practical student work is done in this portion of the class.

Part IV - The Fun Stuff
I'll give you some fun tricks, a couple of nice increases, some explanations about directional decreases and we'll finish by cabling without a cable needle.

Part IV Source Material:
Lectures []
Videos [Cabling Without A Cable Needle, Directional Decreasing]
PDF Handouts [Cabling Without A Cable Needle, Directional Decreasing]

Part IV Practice: Student work will consist of continuing your swatch, working the increases and decreases we learn, and then moving on to the cables.

Bonus Material
Video [Weaving In Ends ]

Online Classes?

2009-12-04T15:16:00.007-06:00

I've been quiet - but I've been WORKING!

Putting together short little informational videos is a lot harder than I remembered. Getting used to the new imovie has been a sharp learning curve, though.

I generally like video editing. I took some classes in Avid editing about 15 years ago, and I felt pretty good on the old imovie. However, the new & improved one is a little too user friendly - trying to be idiot proof - and that makes it really hard if you want to do anything beyond the pre-packaged "themes" they make available.

It makes me sad when Apple apps go MS.

Anyway, here's one of the videos I've been working on. I'm putting them together for an online class I'm thinking of teaching, and I'm REALLY looking forward to it!

Stephanie Japel teaches online classes, I'm currently taking an online class with her on how to teach an online class. I'm expecting some mighty speaker feedback from that last line - how may times can I use on and online in a sentence?

Folks who would want to take a class with me would have to register with an online networking site called NING.com, which is free and rather easy to use. Each class will have it's own network within the Ning website.

I'll be offering my classes in 3-week periods, during that time the class participants will have 24/7 access to videos, handouts and any other teaching materials I have up at the Ning site.

I'll schedule a couple of live chats per week, and there are also discussion forums for each network so when folks ask a question they can get answers from me, and feedback from other class participants.

Best of all, folks will be able to upload images in class of their swatches, their problem pieces, and their little victories. We can have class galleries and see how everyone's doing.

I know that one of the first classes I'm going to offer is Combination Knitting. I also want to offer my colorwork class and my lace class.

Aside from these three classes, is there one of my classes you've been wanting to take? Or maybe there's a project I've designed that you'd like to see me offer as a work-along class? I generally don't teach project classes live, but this online class set up seems PERFECT for project classes where folks can work at their own speed.

Maybe I'll FINALLY offer a millinery class where folks can get done what they need to get done from class session to class session - wouldn't THAT be a kick!

So here's a video from the Combination Class. Let me know what you think!

(I'll be adding a voiceover as soon as my nose stops being so stuffy, I promise! Right now there's text to read, that's what my voiceover will be...)

Thanks for all the good comments - here's a new, improved video!

I'm over at P/Hop today...

2009-11-30T14:14:00.003-06:00

Tina Wins!!

2009-11-27T08:26:00.006-06:00

To listen to this blog post read by Annie, click here: /112709.mp3

Tina is the winner of 400 Stitch Patterns - woo hoo!! There's a hot ol' celebration going on at Tina's house right about now, this is the biggest thing to happen all morning, I'm sure!

Tina - shoot me an email at annie at modeknit dot com with your address and I'll have this right out to you!

Thanksgiving was very low key. Quite nice, but quiet.

The most exciting part of the meal were the small tarts I made, using cranberry jelly as the filling. I didn't melt it first, which I'll do hencforth.

It gave me a cookie idea. I think I'll melt the cranberry jelly with a little bit of spice & some orange peel, then spoon it into a ball of nut cookie dough to make a sort of spicy thumbprint cookie for a new holiday treat!

There's a cookie exchange I'm attending in a few weeks - now I have something besides my old standby, the Hanukkah Gelt Cookie!

We had a small feast, no friends were over, and due to my insistence that we have champange at the meal (why?) Gerry and I were so sleepy afterward that our walk at the dog run didn't happen.

Instead I did a lot of work on the ball wrap (yes, I do understand the double entendre - haven't you learned yet that I'm a 12-year old boy at heart?) and think I have it to a good point. I'm going to release this pattern early, too, as it's a fast knit and I think it would be a lovely New Year's Eve or Holiday Party addition!

When I put it on Hannah she said, "This looks like something for a winter Bride!" Smart girl!

I'm working it up in 2 sizes, with an adjustable ribbon at the neck, so it should fit EVERYONE from the merest slip of a girl to those built more like Scots/Dutch me (aka, "sturdy girls" - go ask Gwen Bortner... she'll laugh!)

Just as well - we've both been dealing with pain, he with back and hip pain (it's increasing, and it's a worry. We go to Mayo next week) and me with this danged joint pain that haunts me like Banquo's ghost.

It's probably just the residual aches of this long-lasting cold/flu I've had. It seems that when I get something, it REALLY settles in. My frustration at this is great, and I've been as circumspect and careful as I can be.

I take my vitamins, I've been eating better than ever, I exercise every day and I'm generally a very healthy person. But when I get a bad cold it just wants to take up residence.

Ever since I had Lyme disease back in the early 90's I tend to get odd fevers. When I'm ill they come in the evening, like a child's fevers, and last about 2 hours. It's been that way with this go-round, too, and the body aches have become so bad that I began worrying something more serious was at hand.

After some blood tests at the doctor it seems that I'm in excellent shape, no new auto immune deficiencies of note, no RA (which was kind of haunting my dreams) but my Lyme titer is a bit elevated. This is to be expected - once you've had it, the test results don't go back to low/normal range - but nothing to be too alarmed at.

But I ache. Is it age? The drop in temperature? It's been absolutely lovely here - in the 40's - but it's moving into the 30's now and we may be seeing snow. I look forward to it, I love snow.

This long-winded catalog of my aches is a way of explaining why I'm taking so long to blog these days. I'm canceling appointments and engagements with wild abandon, just trying to rest as much as I can. But that's no reason to avoid my blog!

I'm recording this blog post - and I'll catch up the last post in mp3 format. I've been SO stuffy-nosed that when I tried to record the last post earlier this week I sounded like an adenoidal bar mitzvah boy.

Baruch atah Nyquil.
/112709.mp3

Tiered Shrug

2009-11-23T10:45:00.007-06:00

To listen to this blog post read by Annie, click here: /112309.mp3

My latest piece for History on Two Needles is based on the painting of Alexandra Amalie von Bayern by Joseph Karl Stieler.

The 1840's were a unique time in costume history, the hair alone could be among the most strikingly un-flattering ever seen in the history of hair. Why every woman suddenly wanted to look like a spaniel is beyond me, but I'm glad I didn't live then with my round, round face.

But Miss Bayern's hair is lovely in this painting - lucky her! - but I was more interested in the top of her ball gown. The lace layers are striking in their simplicity, and I thought it would make an interesting layered shrug. I'm going to call it a "Ball-wrap" just to see if the name catches on.

It worked up VERY quickly in a lovely, lovely yarn. It's Beaded Mohair by Artyarns, and I used some Ultramerino 4 to create the ribbed under-structure

Yes, as floaty as it seems, there's an under-shrug upon which the ruffles are built. If the ruffles were structural, they couldn't be so free. Many things that seems to be weightlessly floating on air are secretly supported and well grounded - a truism I learned in millinery and carry over to many other aspects of life!

And, because it worked up so fast, of course I have to change it. I'm going to remove the middle ruffle and move it to the bottom, thereby echoing more closely what is actually happening in the painting. Then I'll add the sleeves and figure a very nice closure in the front, a pearl?, and one more project will be done!

Useful? Useless? Pretty? Who knows.

This is something I could see myself wearing on a cool summer evening over a sun dress, or on New Year's Eve over a strapless gown. The layers give surprising warmth, and the yarn makes it like wearing a bit of shimmery snowfall.

Chart BIG!
Nothing makes me sadder than running across what might have been an exceptional book - except it isn't.

I find this most often happens when a book is the product of a committee (design by committee are the words most feared by those of us who really enjoy good design) or when an unspoken goal of the book is a misdirected quest for "standardization" above intelligence or individual consideration.

All of these seem to play a part in 400 Knitting Stitches, a book by Potter Craft (a reworking of 400 Points De Tricot published by Marie Claire, 2007)

I was sent a review copy, along with some other Potter or Random House books. I've been giving them away on the blog - it only seems fair - and I'll be giving THIS one away, too.

It's a pretty book, the swatches are all worked in either off-white or dark (making contrasting patterns easy to read), and the size of the photos are good.

The charts are well designed - I really like the use of row numbers on the left and right sides to note the direction of the work - but the charts themselves are SO tiny they're almost a joke.

When I looked through this book I felt such sadness at what MIGHT have been. I'm afraid common sense was the servant of a book design decision.

I like charts. I know some folks don't like them and won't use them - but even if you're in the latter camp it must be acknowledged that charts are an amazing tool in knitting. They leap over a gap that language sometimes has a hard time bridging.

I think several things have combined to make our current surge of interest in knitting alive for 10+ years: the internet, sock knitters, fashion-forward designs and an embrace of different ways of creating knit fabric.

But - for me, at least - COMMUNICATION of knitted patterns is key to greater enjoyment in knitting. This has been accomplished by the [now] almost universal use of charts and schematics in a more visual route to comprehension.

I'm a fan of Edward Tufte and his books on creating comprehensive information storage using visual cues.

I find his work dovetails very nicely with my own thoughts on knitting & comprehension (I only wish I could afford to hear him speak when he's in town!)

Charts are a visual representation of the Right Side (public side) of the fabric - nothing more, nothing less - and there can be variations on how charts are written. There are esoteric symbols that are only used once in a blue moon, and more common symbols that you see in just about any chart.

Some charts omit Wrong Side rows for space considerations (and as long as the WS row is all St st or Rev St st, that makes sense to me!) but this is usually made clear by the row notations along the right edge of the chart (the numbers would read 1, 3, 5, 7, etc.)

Learning to read a chart isn't hard, but it IS a skill that takes a bit of time to develop. There are tricks (using post it notes placed ABOVE the current row, drawing arrows to note the direction you'll be working in any given row, etc.) but just spending time with a chart is usually the best way to begin to wrap your mind around it.

Having said all this, if a chart is too small, it's useless. Charts should be as BIG AS THEY CAN BE! Sometimes there's a space limitation in pattern books and magazines, but one of the graces of the internet is that charts can be as big as they need to be.

When one is creating a book of knitable stitch patterns, charts are essential. Once a commitment has been made to include charts, they should be done well (big) and clearly.

I understand that a certain amount of white space is necessary in book design, but not at the expense of clarity. It seems to me that an executive decision was made that all charts should be based on the same size stitch cell, so that even if there WAS a nice space to make a larger chart, a smaller one was used to adhere to a not-very-useful book design decision.

Overall I give this book 3 stars out of 5. I'd give it 5 if the charts were bigger, and if it were ring or spiral bound. But one can't have everything!

I'm giving this book to a random blog reader who isn't terribly fond of charts. Just leave your comment and whether you'd like to be in the draw, and I'll announce a winner by this Thursday. If you're the winner, email me and I'll send the book right off to you!