One of the suckiest (is that a word?) things about this whole mishigas is the frayed nerves. Mine, Gerry’s, the kids, the dog’s – everyones.
We try not to let stuff get to us, but it does. Gerry’s pissed off because – well, wouldn’t you be? Suddenly the guy who was the tallest in his family (average height, 5’2″) has shrunk. And that’s the easiest part of this thing to deal with.
I’m pissed because – well – because I’m tired and at the end of my rope half the time. Luckily, I know how to tie a big, fat knot in that rope. I can even knit a little hammock-y chair to sit in, so the end of my rope is a relatively comfortable place to be. I’m settled in for a long swing.
Stress sucks. It would be so nice to live in a made for TV Hallmark movie where everyone deals with tragedies with tears and hugs. But that’s not always the case. I used to say my mom worshipped at the church of Hallmark.
Now we’re on vacation – and I’m taking a little mini-vacation from the guy I love more than anything, who can’t seem to see anything good in what I’m doing these days. A little positive reinforcement, fella…
I can’t blame him – all he can really see is the pain and the black fogginess that is our immediate future. I hesitated to post this, but I figured, if someone’s in the same boat we’re in, perhaps it would be nice to see that just about everyone has the days and moments they’re not too proud of. Or when they let stress get the better of them. Like me, this evening, when I sounded like a reject from The Sopranos.
I got hailed on today. There was a bad storm as we were driving along Lake Superior. I’m sure that’s where some of the stress came from, too – it was pretty scary, I pulled over and prayed that the hail wouldn’t crack a window (it was pretty big) and haven’t had the heart to inspect the PT to see if there’s any tiny dent-age.
And a teaching engagement that I’d planned on briefly reneged (they were fearful of Gerry’s illness – that I may have to back out – totally understandable) But then they came through and we’re back on. Yay.
I’d done so much planning to make it work, it was very odd to feel that if it went either way it would be okay (but I’d rather be part of the decision making process as to which way it should go…) I’m babbling.
Maybe tonight would be a good time to try out that jacuzzi? Maybe a glass of wine would be in order, too…