I hit the road as soon as Max was on his way to school, Gerry’d already left for the Mayo (where his tests were phenomenal, he’s doing beautifully!) and pretty much all day and into the evening it rained like a son-of-a-gun no matter where I was.
Driving through Chicago wasn’t bad at all, really! Sometimes I go through Chicago, sometimes I don’t, it depends on the time of day (it was midday yesterday – traffic was relatively light) Driving home from WV last time we skirted Chicago because it was rush hour.
An hour into my drive I had a call from Jan’s sister in law telling me that she was incoherent, restless, wanting to know where I was and if I was really coming – the implication being that time was short. Talking on the phone is hard for me at the best of times, this was rough (obviously, rougher for Jan) I felt so helpless, so distant.
I spent the next 4 hours of the drive second guessing myself. “Why was I driving?”, “Why didn’t I fly?”, “Should I have left yesterday?” And continuing on down this useless path, “Should I have even gone to Paris?”
Why am I driving – why didn’t I fly?
- Flying from MSP to Columbus, renting a car for however long I’d need it and then driving or flying to Memphis is expensive.
- I need to be flexible – this trip is, if nothing else, open-ended. I don’t know when I’ll be back.
- I need to drive to Memphis on Friday for a teaching gig, it’s so much easier to have the car already packed with my books and materials
Should I have left yesterday?
Maybe. I deserately wanted to be with my knitting group on Monday night – I really felt that I needed the connection of other friends. And I’d promised to read from my book that evening. This is something that I’ll be wondering about for a while.
Should I have gone to Paris?
I have a flexible little tripod which I attach to my steering wheel sometimes. Stopping for gas I attached my camera, and a few miles down the road I recorded this little film.
It pretty much sums up the blue, sad feeling that overwhelmed me yesterday – the stock market commentary is the icing on the cake. Folks, try not to panic, take a deep breath and know that the market will correct itself in a few years. In the mean time, just pause for a bit. And consider voting for the guy who made the most sense last night.
I stopped just over the border in Ohio because I was exhausted. I’m off now, it’s 6:19, and with any luck I’ll be at Jan’s side in 3 hours. I tried to eat yesterday, but food tasted like cardboard. I’m off for a quick bowl of oatmeal which should hold me all day – I need to have something warm and comforting right about now.
I feel such an urgency, stopping last night was hard – but it was necessary.
Like Paris – which I’m considering a vote of confidence for the future.