I’ve been doing the Yoga for 2 weeks now. It’s not easy, parts of it are very hard, but the sum of the experience is SO positive that it draws me to the studio most mornings for the 8am C1 class.
I do feel less lower back pain, the shoulders ache but that comes and goes. It’s all such an experiment! I’m a member of Core now, and although I feel it may not be the perfect practice for me, it’s very good right now (and as I grow I can perhaps find a practice that will suit me perfectly. Or not.)
I went for a longish bike ride this weekend and stopped at the Hill House on Summit. I often ride by and park my bike on the side porch, sitting just below on a stone pedestal while thinking and knitting. It’s a peaceful place, very beautiful, a nice stopping point on a bike ride.
While pondering on my perch I thought of how much we are like telephone lines, going slack in the heat of summer – relaxed – and tightening up in the cold winters.
The past 6 months has been a process of learning to relax, not to judge myself against others, letting all the strings of my bow un-tighten.
I am definitely not on knife edge, not on my A-game. I’m slow moving, contemplative, watchful. Not something I can remember being for an extended time before.
For most of my 48 years, my identity has been wrapped up in GETTING THINGS DONE, and getting them done NOW. But now I’m stretching, relaxed, not taut.
I can’t decide if I’m happy with this change, or scared by it, but I’m trying to embrace it. I just cannot – at this point – be the mover and shaker I had been.
Unfortunately, as I was moving some stuff today I dropped poor Wonder Woman and she split. I felt a kinship with her as she broke in half.
I am not Wonder Woman. I’m not sure I ever was. But I did feel pretty wonder-full for a continuing period of time. Designing, teaching, coping – I was doing a lot, and the fibro is probably the price I’m paying for it.
I need to get back to that place, but without the extra angst. Is that possible?
It’s time to tighten up my game a bit, this being relaxed can begin to feel a little TOO natural. The trick is in the balance point between too tight and too lose, which I’m hoping I will find in my yoga practice. I want to be loose enough to be considerate in my choices, tight enough to get my work done.
My computer’s been acting badly – not the computer so much as the new hard drive Gerry put in back in March. It’s been great, I’ve had SO much more room, but now it seems to have gone wacky.
I use carbonite to back up, and I also have a hard drive I use to store all my movie making files (they’re HUGE) so all I’ve really lost are things from certain libraries that did NOT restore very well (riddle me that, Mr. Carbonite…)
My mail and photo libraries for March – July seem to be missing.
Luckily, I’d been in a frenzy of flicker uploading or I would have lost all the Ireland photos. I have all my emails on my server (with the exception of the past 3 weeks, another mystery) so my mail loss is not as bad as it might have been.
This means, though, that every email I’ve received from March through early July have re-downloaded into my mail so there’s a week’s task just sorting them and filing the important ones. Double damn.
My horoscope today says I should hunker down and wait for my emotions to clarify (like butter?) so that’s what I shall do.
The next sound you hear will be that of me hunkering.
4 thoughts on “Stretching”
Hunkering. We all need time to do that.
Relaxing and seeing what is in front of you is more important in my book, though. I’m so Type A that I have to remember that I didn’t have a choice but to slow down and look during my mom’s illness nearly 7 years ago. If I didn’t do that, I’d have nothing to remember her by.
In this way, you are getting the chance to look around, to see your children become their own people, to see the many ways you love your husband, and to see the gifts you’ve been tasked to share with us. Things speed up, inevitably, but this is the moment you get to savor in all its bittersweet complexity and beauty.
Again you point out one of the differences between MS and fibro. I’ve become very heat intolerant. I need exercise lie everyone else, but when I get warm I become a limp noodle with falls and my legs just not working right.
I have never been a Wonder Woman type personality so the relaxed state is my norm.. However, you are correct that TOO relaxed is a problem. I suddenly realize I haven’t been out of the house in days. Enjoy the fact that your life is full with kids and hub, as well as your own endeavors. I’m rambling again, sorry.
You are not alone in this struggle. You describe perfectly what others, including myself, are going through. Yoga will be a great tool for you; just practice mindfully, and stay with your breath. It’s OK to learn to just BE, and not to DO! You will find the balance point, once you’ve experienced the “other side” of what you’ve been like (doing too much). You are on the journey! Roll with it!
I’ve got a great yoga studio for you. St. Paul Yoga Center on Selby Ave (right across the street from Pizza Luce)
They have both Vinyasa and Iyengar yoga, as well as a slower paced class designed for folks with some mobility issues. I’ve taken Iyengar there before and really loved it. Another bonus for you is that the studios don’t run too warm in temperature.
Nice people, and fairly affordable. I hope you find something that works for you!