I’m tired, and I feel guilty. Wa, wa, wa.
I feel as though I’m replaying last year’s adventure, but this time with a bit more mobility (yay!) but perhaps more exhaustion than I felt last December?
I’ve not been blogging as I should because I know that I’d just sound like a high pitched whine – Wa, wa, wa – and we all know that THAT’S no fun. Well, it’s fun for me, but not for you. Wa, wa, wa.
When I whine write about my health I feel very boring – and I know this is true because every now and then someone drops me a line telling me how boring I have become, how no one will read my blog because all I do is whine write about my health and talk politics (and I’m a hack designer, too.)
Each of these are true at various times, but not all at once, thank heavens.
Welcome to my world, folks. Wa, wa, wa.
I think I’d become too – hopeful? – this past Summer. Or maybe I’d been trying very hard to forget exactly how ill I was last year. When the cold set in and I found myself unable to move easily this Fall, I felt exceptionally depressed.
Last year I was confused by the fibromyalgia. This year I’m scared by the fibro. Maybe next year I’ll be resigned to it? One thing I know is I’ll never just ‘accept’ it, I’ll keep trying to do as much as I can.
But doing “as much as I can” just doesn’t seem like it’s enough many days. Wa, wa, wa.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m MUCH better than I was this time last December. The vitamin D3 and non-wheat diet (plus cutting down on sugar) have made a HUGE difference in my life and my mobility. I’m even able to get out and walk, do some shoveling, get some housework done – and life is good! I’m 40 pounds lighter than I was this time last year, and that’s not a bad thing.
But the exhaustion comes back and hits me HARD. Then the muscle pain in my shoulders and around my knees sideswipes me and leaves me gasping. Oh, have I mentioned my weather-induced asthma? Wa, wa, wa.
I think a lot my feeling of depression IS the lack of sunlight, maybe that’s why I feel so great in mid-day or mornings, but as soon as the sun sets I flag. And perhaps that’s why I felt so great all Summer – well, relatively great. And I have been using my lamp, which helps.
Wouldn’t it be nice if there were a light ROOM where Minnesotans could go stand for an hour? Jeeze, louise, I love living here so much – except for 3 months of the year.
I miss my biking. I biked right up to the first snow in Nov (and beyond) but I just can’t get out in the residuals of our recent blizzard.
I’ve asked for (and I know I’m receiving) a cycling trainer for Christmas, so once I get that set up on the front porch I’ll be able to do an hour or so of biking every day to see if that keeps me more mobile and energized.
I’ve also received a lovely and amazing book, Relax & Renew by Judith Lasater, from my friend Miriam Felton (if you like knitting lace and you haven’t worked up one of her patterns you are MISSING OUT my friends!) with yoga moves for folks who suffer from chronic pain and exhaustion issues, even some that can be done in bed.
I haven’t read the whole book yet, but I’m looking forward to doing some of the moves and feeling a good stretch. I’m thrilled to see curtailed versions of some of the poses I most enjoy, but have been unable to do because my flexibility and mobility are limited.
I’m ashamed to admit I spend a good part of my day in bed. Not only is the light good here, but it’s warm and I seem more able to get brain work done. And the pets cuddle with me, it’s a nice place to be. And it’s great for knitting!
But I do get myself downstairs for at least a few hours every day – I try to cook a meal, do some cleaning, get SOMETHING done besides the knitting and designing.
So here’s what my horoscope says today, and I’m sticking to it.
Thursday, December 16, 2010 By Rick Levine
(Aug 23 – Sep 22)You may feel a bit uncomfortable today if everything appears to be flowing along easily, because you don’t trust the current wave of optimism. You are worried that you’re missing something important, and this is a likely possibility. A little self-restraint early in the day could bring a more solid boost later — one you can truly rely on. Remember, controlled growth assures sustainable stability.
Because I seem to have so much more more energy early in the day (before all my muscles begin aching and my ears are filled with a high pitched ringing so loud I can’t even hear the TV – wa wa wa) I’ll be devoting this morning to grading a pattern for a BIG faux-cabled pullover for Interweave Knits using one of the best books I own – Knitting In The Old Way by Priscilla Gibson Roberts.
I love this book. If you’re a serious knitter and don’t have it, you should. If you know a serious knitter who doesn’t have the book, make their year and give it to them.
I am a self taught knitter, but when I read this book I almost feel as if I have the knitting pedigree I’ve always missed. And Priss’s percentage system for grading a yoked sweater creates an amazing fit – I love it!
After my brain is fried with the numbers this morning, I’ll settle in to knit the above mentioned faux-cable, and enjoy a fine audio book. I’ve already completed one of my 4-due-on-Jan-3 projects yesterday (tada!) and received yarn for the last project, so I have my work cut out for me!
I promise my next blog post will be more informational – or at least more fun to read! Fa la la wa wa!
11 thoughts on “A Holiday Whine – Fa la wa wa wa”
I am sorry that your fibro is kicking your butt some right now. I have the same condition (but it seems to be much more controlled) and know exactly how whiny it makes you feel. I have to work outside my home so most of my energy goes to that pursuit, staying in bed with the pets, a good book and my knitting would be bliss.
Unfortunately you will never go back to where you were before the fibro came along, that is the hardest thing to accept about this condition. One thought that might help is to look around at the rest of the world and see how many people aren’t struggling with something or other. Most of the times I would rather deal with the fatigue and pain than what others are dealing with (the devil you know vs. the unknown). Also, remember that lives change whether or not a nasty medical condition hits, standing still isn’t possible in this life. Personally I hate change, it requires so much thought and effort but I do want to live so I have to change.
I hope your day to day gets better, it is so much easier to smile when you don’t feel like the steamroller has run you down. Have a great holiday season! Love and hugs and kisses.
Keep your chin up! This is the time of year when most of us feel like hibernating. It’s no wonder that if you feel yucky, you do more hibernation than the rest of us. I hope you can take joy in what you CAN do…and perhaps that will help lift you a bit when you are struggling with what is feeling difficult. Also–your pets can tell when you don’t feel good–that’s why they are snuggling up! Enjoy their hotwater bottle effect and consider wearing another (woolie?) layer or two when you are out of bed. The warmth may be something your body needs right now. Feel better soon! Keep up the beautiful designs! 🙂
This is really a dark time of year in our Northern hemisphere. More minutes of sun per day as of next week though! I can hardly wait.
You know, you’re absolutely right. Lightwise, this is about as bad as it gets. I wonder if that had anything to do with me starting to feel better and better starting mid-January last year… Curious!
Maybe you could find a couple places like the Como Park Conservatory where the light is good and clean, and you can sit and knit and enjoy the space? I think some of the parks have sitting areas, and a lot of them are free. I often sit in the lobby of the science museum and watch the groups come in and out. The sunlight is out there, you just have to find it.
That’s a really good idea! I used to sit in the History Center over the summer (after riding my bike down there) but for some reason driving there and sitting and knitting hadn’t crossed my mind. I’ll do that tomorrow – they have a nice, sunny area inside. Thank you!
Annie, have you looked into medical centres that just specialise in chronic pain management? From what I understand, they provide a multi-pronged approach to pain management. Might be another piece in the puzzle.
I know there are those centers around, but I don’t have medical insurance – I’m pretty much uninsurable.
I had the ringing and muffled feeling in my ears when I was first diagnosed with RA and was prescribed an NSAID Ultram . Reducing the dose eliminated the problem.
Do you have Wii fit? You can do yoga on that. Sometimes my favorite one is “Breathing”
I really like the yoga on Wii!
I don’t have a blog, but I do read several blogs. It seems to me that a blog evolves, ebbs and flows. Yes, you write quite a bit about knitting and crochet. You have written about your husband’s illness and coping with it. Now, you write about your own health issues.
I find this post rather positive. Of course you enjoy the summer health and forget about the breathing issues, lack of sun etc in the winter. Now you’re thinking of ways to cope with the winter. By posting, you may get additional ideas or help someone else. If nothing else, you reassure your regular readers that you are alive and managing. Remember that we’re just reading, we’re not living 24 hours a day with your health issues.
Don’t expect too much of yourself.