We drove home from San Diego, a whirlwind trip
(a little TOO whirlwind when I ended up getting a speeding ticket; everyone in the car agrees that there were MANY cars going faster than I was, but we had the tell-tale luggage on the hood of our car. Plus, I was speeding.)
Odd how something like a speeding ticket can plunge one into a dark, dark place.
Or maybe it was being away from home for 2 weeks? Or the sea-sickness? (which continued to haunt me in the car; for the first time in my life I actually got car-sick on the way home…) Or maybe it was the general post-holiday blues?
For whatever reason, I had a hell of a hard few days. The kind of days where everything stupid you’ve every done in your life gets all dressed up and comes over to visit. Rough. It’s moving on, which is a wonderful thing, but I’m still feeling shaky on my feet. It’s not unlike the after-sea-sickness feeling when I wasn’t ill any more, but felt very unsteady.
I’m sure there’s a name for it, ‘post-depression-nausea’ or something like that. And, for what it’s worth, as I grow older it seems periods of sadness like this are fewer and farther between, and don’t last as long. But they’re just as deep, which is always scary.
Depression is absolutely terrifying at times.
In the middle of my sadness I tweeted:
and the lovely response I got was incredibly helpful.
I felt guilty for going public like that, essentially asking, “Tell me I’m okay! Tell me I’m loved!” but I was gratified by the kindness that came back to me. Thank you, everyone.
I know that we all need some kindness every now and then, I’m very grateful to my friends for sending me cyber thumbs up.
Depression affects so many of us, and it makes some of us ashamed (which I know is silly) but it’s true. I hope that by writing honestly when I have my own down periods, I can help someone else feel less alone, less ashamed, less isolated than they might.
LAST DAYS IN SAN DIEGO
I hadn’t blogged about our last few days in SD, mostly because I was crazed with finishing some crocheted swatches and sketches for submission, packing, getting the house fit for the return of the owners, etc.
We had a magnificent time on the West Coast, and we couldn’t help but daydream about living in such beautiful surroundings. This, obviously, is not going to happen (ch-CHING!) but visiting beautiful La Jolla and seeing so much of our HUGE country on the way there and back is something I don’t think any of us will forget. It was my first time in Arizona, New Mexico, Nevada and Utah (except for airports) and driving through the states is something that everyone should have a chance to do.
Just be sure to take your Dramamine.
Below are photographs we took in our last few days, around the house, out at Coronado Island, and at the Point Loma Lighthouse. The weather was off-and-on rainy, but that just made for more dramatic pictures!
10 thoughts on “Holiday’s End”
Glad the sadness is passing. You’re right about it being of shorter duration as we age. My guess is that we come to accept ourselves more and realize there’s nothing to be gained by beating ourselves up. Thanks for sharing.
Hi Annie, I’m glad you talk about the down periods and sadness, it affects me too esp when I’m not able to talk to anyone about it, making it verbal helps a lot. It helps me to know that there are others who feel this way too. Thanks!!! roz
What absolutely gorgeous pictures! You are a great photographer, besides being an awesome knit designer and teacher! Thanks! Here’s a cure for the blues: just look at some of these wonderful scenes and feel refreshed.
I heard this author speak on NPR a few days ago. She was talking specifically about shame, who feels it, and why. I’m going to read it. I have been in your health situation, helping and doing for others while you also need aid. . It doesn’t matter if it makes sense, if this is how we are feeling. I hope you are doing better.
Debra, I think you’ve really hit on something. I think the incredibly overwhelming feelings of just letting EVERYONE down over the past few years have been a combination of what’s expected of me as caretaker, and my own health concerns. Thank you.
I hope it’s a typo and the luggage was on the roof, not the hood. Luggage on the hood will get you stopped by the police every time.
Thanks for sharing your experiences. I’m glad you’re feeling better.
Yes, hood! That is hysterical!
I’m glad you got a chance to spend some time in La Jolla — it’s one of the most beautiful places in California. I grew up in Coronado and I would move back in a heartbeat but it’s gotten insanely expensive and crowded. Getting seasick on the whale watching, deep sea fishing, and even the boat to Catalina is extremely common. I once went on a big sailboat for a party celebrating a project ending. They had a lovely dinner set up for us and as soon as we hit the breakwater EVERYONE got seasick and we had to turn around. Luckily we had the choice – on the public trips you have to “gut” it out. I hope you’re feeling better — emotionally and physically.
I was in Coronado the same time you were (12/27-12/30) and was hoping I would run into you and the family! It was so gorgeous those days. It’s one of my most favorite places to visit.
Glad to hear you and the family had such a nice visit to our beautiful state.
Cabrillo Monument at Point Loma is one my favorite places. Glad you had a wonderful trip and are feeling better.