I miss him like crazy. I joke with him (or my memory of him) many times a day, and Andy and I share stories, it seems, with every picture frame or cup or old medicine bottle we sort through. I lack the strength to do much of the sorting, so that’s fallen to Andy, which is fine.
Anything of Gerry’s that I need to keep I already have within me; his laughter, his sense of fun, his intelligence, his love.
Yesterday I discovered an online community, based in the UK, Macmillan Cancer Support, for cancer patients and their caregivers. I may have run into this site earlier, but it just didn’t register in my brain at the time.
Macmillan seems an amazing resource for folks who are seeking answers (and also seeking online companionship on what is often a very lonely path) and I’m glad i found it. I’ve already had a lovely response about recovery times from CODOX-M from a fellow who was also on this drug regime, and I feel comforted.
If it hadn’t been for SS survivor benefits, I would never have been able to attend college after my father died when I was 16. Ironically, the same is true for Paul Ryan, who has been one of the loudest voices against this benefit.
In fact, the benefit for child survivors of a deceased parent has changed, it used to continue while the child was in college, now it just ends at 18, making college just a dream for so many kids who have lost a parent and aren’t genius enough to earn scholarships.
WHINE ALERT Damn, I hurt. My back is sore, my legs are numb (which is oddly uncomfortable, you’d think that numb would be… numb?) and I’ve had nausea every morning these past 5 days. If I didn’t know any better I’d swear I was pregnant. Not really. Thanks, hysterectomy and advanced age… Andy’s leaving for…
On the HUGE plus side: I took a shower this morning, I ran the water, got into the shower, soaped up and rinsed off and got OUT of the shower. While I was drying my legs were shaking so hard – I just don’t have the stamina that I used to have – but doing stuff like taking a shower on my own is how I WILL create the stamina that I need.
Yesterday I had a visit with my oncologist and, his exact words (as he shook my hand) were, “Congratulations on surviving cancer…” The tumor in my spine is officially gone. I am in remission, and that is amazing news! From this point I have doctor visits ever 3 months, and a scan every 6 months. …
I don’t think I can actually go out into the snow, I slip and fall SO easily, but maybe Andy will bring me in a bowl of it and I can play around with that? I hope as it gets warmer my legs will grow stronger and I’ll be walking outside without a cane in the Springtime!
So although I am still light years from where I want to be, I do feel myself getting better every day, and that is almost ENTIRELY due to the hard work of Andy and our friends. (Of course, the doctors and nurses had something to do with it, I’m speaking pretty much about at-home help…)
I still can’t walk easily, my legs are numb and I almost fall all the time. Almost. That’s a very important word. I don’t get downstairs as often as I’d like due to balance and exhaustion issues, but I do what I can and I walk around upstairs quite a bit each day. The more I walk, the better my legs feel! I cannot WAIT for warmer weather so I can walk outside!!