Thank you. It took me SO long to learn how to say those words. MUSIC MAN I remember high school as years of pain, I was the poster child for “outcast” and ate my lunch just about every day up on the stage in the auditorium, surrounded by paint buckets and canvas flats, usually alone,…
We met with Dr. T* from the Mayo’s Hematology Department, who had been referred to us by Dr. H, Gerry’s OWN Hematologist for the past 12 years. Because Multiple Myeloma (Gerry’s disease) like Lymphoma (my disease) are BLOOD cancers, they’re both treated within the Hematology Dept.
Dr T’s demeanor and presence were so comforting, so immediately soothing and so full of — LOVE — that it sort of took Gerry and my breath away. Although she feels that the protocol I’m on is good, she feels that a stronger, more intensive chemo MAY be of use to me, and it’s a cocktail I can only get at Mayo. So it looks like I’ll be getting my chemo at Mayo.
As scary and overwhelming as the word CANCER is, it’s far LESS terrifying than the abject fear that I would NEVER feel any better than I did last November. The diagnosis of Cancer has given me a bit of hope, and that’s worth gold.
THIS is why I feel lucky. I feel that I’ve been given a chance to see the horizon, where before the diagnosis it was just a foggy bank of pain over in the distance. Now I have a direction where I can look, and dream.
Today is a pure exhaustion day. It’s 9:17, I’ve been up and down since 2am (hip pain makes it hard to stay level, so I’m up, then down, then up, etc. You get it…) I just walked to the dining room, moved a very small watermelon to the kitchen, cut it open, chopped 1/4 of…
I think this morning I’m going to make a kind of cinnamon roll using a nice mix of Cinnamon, Cardamom, Nutmeg and a bit of Vanilla. That sounds like it would be great with a cup of coffee (I seldom drink coffee, but this morning I might!)
When the bread’s had a second rise I’ll roll a Cinnamon-Spice mixture into the dough, then do some creative cutting and splitting and try to make something pretty. Once it’s baked up, I may add a bit of icing and there’s Sunday morning, done and dusted!
This is a bit of a rambly post, I think that has a lot to do with a week of very little sleep and a LOT of chemo drug therapy. In the coming week(s) I may need a transfusion to help with my strength. But what I DO want to convey in this post is my thanks to all of you who have traveled on this road, and have reached out to me, showing off signposts and short cuts along the way.
Thank you. You make me feel braver than I am, and I am grateful!
In 2016 we decided to downsize from our lovely home over in the Crocus Hill area of St. Paul to the East Side, by Lake Phalen. It’s a different neighborhood — slightly less ‘well off’ — but dynamic and beautiful. It’s an area where folks have lived for generations, and new folks are moving in…
Pain is such a game changer. It feels good to discuss it, but I also know how boring it must be to open my blog and read, “Pain, blah, blah, blah, PAIN!”
But that’s my reality today. Which is so weird after a few weeks of very good pain control. It also makes me wonder if the chemo pump drugs I’m on are having some kind of effect on my pain meds, perhaps undercutting them in some way..?
Tomorrow I’ll go back to the pump room to get more drugg-age to be pumped into my body and into my soul. All night long.
Tomorrow I’m ALSO going for some kind of special big-time Xray at St. Paul Radiology so they can get a very good look of how my Spine tumor has dealt with the death ray we like to call “Radiation Therapy”
We just keep looking for the exhaust port in this Tumor so my tiny little Luke Skywalker can send some radiation torpedoes down it. Tomorrow we see how successful those X-wings have been.
I don’t remember Gerry eating anything, but I had a bowl of Minnestrone soup and it was delicious. Then we went for a walk around the village, and ended up at the Prince Street Cafe. It seemed like a nice date, but nothing earth shaking. And then we noticed that all of the chairs were upside on the tables and the wait staff was eager for us to leave. We’d closed the place down, and I felt as though I’d been talking to one of my best friends for 3 hours.