Annie's Recovery & Knitting Blog

Category: Health

Personal Space

Posted on by Annie Modesitt

Before I left the hospital I joked with one of the nurses about the intimate things I was threatening to put on the Caring Bridge task page, but it was whistling past the graveyard as I was FLAT OUT TERRIFIED.

Once I was home, faced with the reality of what life may be like with so much exhaustion layering every aspect of my life, that little ‘wipe me’ joke wasn’t funny at all.

On the day I returned from the hospital I could barely make it up the stairs into my house. “I need to get a cane.” was all I could say to Gerry.  I’d already lost so much energy that my goal was simply to walk up the stairs to use the bathroom.  And I didn’t make it.

And it’s only going to get harder.
And I am terrified.
And I hate our stair carpeting.

I’m Sorry..?

Posted on by Annie Modesitt

A belief is SUCH a personal thing. You cannot CHOOSE a belief, it is — by definition — what you BELIEVE. I think because of societal pressures, ease of social mobility, the need to just get along in a family and community, some folks DO choose to believe what their family has all believed before them. I choose not to.

My belief is simple; whatever god there is can be found in the action of a human helping another human, or helping make the world a better place. Period.

So pray for me, or don’t, but please don’t feel badly if I would rather put my trust in Minerva McGonagall over Mother Mary. Professor McGonagall is definitely more my jam.

So Damned Loved

Posted on by Annie Modesitt

Thank You Thank You Thank You Thank You Thank You

Thank You Thank You Thank You Thank You Thank You 

Thank You Thank You Thank You Thank You Thank You

Thank You Thank You Thank You Thank You Thank You

Thank You Thank You Thank You Thank You Thank You

Baking

Posted on by Annie Modesitt
[caption id="attachment_5983" align="alignright" width="300"] A Single Heart. Delicious.[/caption]

The Portland Interview was really fun, no baking but lots of talking. They REALLY asked tough questions, it was a very serious interview. Then after that they did a short, 7 minute videotaped interview and I bonded with “my” producer and left feeling like I’d had a blast!

Traveling back to MN I remember thinking, “If this ends now, I would be happy just to have been part of this process so far!”

And that is a WONDERFUL place to be!

A Happy Resolution!

Posted on by Annie Modesitt

About a week into this nonsense we asked for the help of our State Attorney General, Lori Swanson. I hadn’t realized that one of the duties of the SAG is to protect consumers in their state, and BOY did Erin, from Lori’s office, work to protect us!

[caption id="attachment_5952" align="alignleft" width="273"] Our Lovely Stove. Take THAT, Kathleen![/caption]

Patiently, slowly, her staff kept after SEARS. She took the case seriously, giving it the amount of time it needed, but also letting it roll on it’s own. I was impressed with their restraint and strength.

Is it Just Me, Or Is It Painful In Here?

Posted on by Annie Modesitt

The Cost Of Pain
It’s a terrible thing when a friendship or marriage ends. I think, quite often, there’s been some deep pain episode which supersedes either parties ability to rally and connect with each other. Gerry and I have talked about how lucky we are that, at the advent of his cancer, he was covered by his UNION insurance (Thank You IATSE Local #1) and that made all the difference in our ability to even KEEP our home for the first 5 years.

Murmurings of Pain

Posted on by Annie Modesitt

I’ve had a lot of folks writing to me — thank you!  And many comments on this blog and on FaceBook with supportive messages. One of the most common lines of interest is, “How did you get through so much pain and NOT realize something was terribly wrong?” Pushing Through The pain I’d been experiencing…

Special K

Posted on by Annie Modesitt

I’m still having half-hallucinations, echoes of movement when I turn my head quickly, not certain if it’s a product of the opioids that I’m on, or a whisper in my head from the original dosage.

Pain management is KEY is my ability to keep my strength and focus to accept and allow my body to utilize the radiation and chemo I will receive, so it’s important that I’m able to take my array of 30 pills per day without fear.

From Caregiver to Patient

Posted on by Annie Modesitt

So I figured that I had the entire month of July to rest and ready myself and dye a bunch of yarn for upcoming shows.

Little did I know that instead of resting, I’d be writhing.  Because, Cancer.

The Cold Caught Up With Me

Posted on by Annie

But, as I constantly have to remind myself, where a cold usually runs one week for most folks, for me it runs for two weeks, and this is proving to be the case this time around.